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That wasn't exactly what I meant. I get along well with kids of all ages. I have found though that some men have kids that are losers, when mine are incredible, and that makes for some uncomfortableness for me.
The other thing you find is that a man in his 50's may have a five year old. You know the kind that married the woman half his age.
I dont disagree, friend. I find men assume women are accepting of these issues. It's not necessarily the case. If someone has a five year old , and they are 50, looking for a new wife, that is a big red flag for me.
I have been thinking about your question, and thought I might add some thoughts I've had.
I think if you separate intimacy from companionship, you might find a companion and later find intimacy with that companion.
If you follow some of the pointers given, like join groups that interest you, attend events that please you, eat out regularly in cafe-environments, wander bookstores, check out art exhibits, join a religious or non-religious organization, you'll likely meet people with similar interests and find some attractive. If you find someone attractive enough, but not marriage material, it can be worthwhile to pursue a friendship.
Sometimes friendship is better than intimacy, and occasionally friendship is intimacy.
I know we first crossed paths about art communities and here we are now talking about intimacy--I think that's how it evolves whether we are 16, 36 or 58.
It is harder when one is 58 only because some of the logical places in our society to meet people are reduced by the very society we live in, but that doesn't mean we are limited.
I think people our age come with all our experiences - and often folks just don't want to take on too many more experiences!
Also, I find that a lot of the good ones were snapped up a long time ago - and are still married - which is what I find good about so many of them, they are keepers!
Seriously, I find myself looking at men who WANT to date middle aged women and wondering what is really going on with them. Most guys my age who are divorced prefer the younger women, and I can understand that very well, especially if they want a family. It's a way to start over again. As for younger men, I do not find that attractive at all. I have grown children, thank you!
Well, I'm not alone-I am married. But, we have had our shares of troubles, and I have contemplated divorce.
But then I worry. Am I too old? Is my body not trim enough to be like those young 18 year olds? Will I find someone who will accept my "baggage" (my 2 boys)? Will I find someone who connects with me and makes me want to marry again...or it will be many a lonely year of playing the field and then I really will get too old for anyone to want me. I don't just want to settle then, because I got too old. Will I be able to afford my growing boys on my own??
Yes, I have thought of many a thing, and am scared to be single.
True. It is a shame children are looked at as baggage. Seems some older men I have met think they are a good catch, whereas women are more realistic. Men newly single wanting to play the field have no interest for me. I guess it is just something to be taken on a case by case basis.
Good to avoid the fresh out of water (marriage) guys--bad risk!
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnyhelena
True. It is a shame children are looked at as baggage. Seems some older men I have met think they are a good catch, whereas women are more realistic. Men newly single wanting to play the field have no interest for me. I guess it is just something to be taken on a case by case basis.
I have a few single female friends who are looking and seem to do quite well. They have dates when they want to. But most of my single friends think it's not worth the trouble. I'm always hearing they don't want another man to pick up after and take care of. This kind of surprises me.
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OK... Here I am with my 2 cents on this one.
I'm a newly single 55 y.o. woman. NOW I have absolutely no desire or intention of getting involved with anyone in any type of serious relationship. However, if by chance, I should happen to run into the type of person that I think will be compatible with me, AND it starts to get serious, I'm not going to shut the door. But believe me, it's going to take quite a while to know that we're compatible. I think we'll need to have to work through difficult issues, after the novelty wears off, to see how we react and respond to the issues. Time will tell. Time is very important when weeding out the undesirable.
I do feel that at my age, it certainly won't be that easy anymore to get anyone's attention. I don't look bad and am young at heart but my back does hurt sometimes and I can't salsa all night long anymore :-(. I'm also a little "difficult" because I find it hard to really get into that "soulmate" thing. Probably because I haven't picked any of the right ones yet, even at this late stage.
Right now I do know that I don't want any permanent ties to anybody. I would LOVE a good friend though. It's not pleasant to run around to different activities or have any interests or want to take the dogs to the park all alone all the time. Go to a nice restaurant alone? Vacation alone?
Grow OLD alone?
I think I pretty much wasted the last few years so my "ideal" just got postponed and the calendar did keep on going but maybe some day........
Montana Guy - keep busy and don't bury yourself in the why or why not. You're not old in my book by any means. You still have a lot of mileage left!!!
Hey, I can lend you a few cats and dogs if you need a little aggravation once in a while :-)))
"How does a person of my age even go about trying to find companionship and intimacy?"
Gotta git your groove on!!! (see how soon do you become intimate thread )
I think you opened up a hot topic. A while back when I really thought it was possible to have a meaningful relationship, I looked around at the divorce rate and realized that soon we would have lots of people, middle aged and single. I think the demographic is ignored and there are lots of people in your/our situation. Many of us as Helena says don't live in 'walkable' cities. I think that makes a huge difference. It's impossible to meet people if you live in the burbs and spend most of your life in your car. Also when you get older (and wiser) you take fewer risks and let's face it, putting yourself 'out there' is risky, even scary. So what's the answer? I wish I knew....
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