Ladies: Don't ask us guys to pay your bills just because we're F..... (definition, mature)
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Although, the post was not directed at me, I am So glad it was posted because it is probably what a lot of people on the forum think. Or it sounds like it anyway:
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Originally Posted by spinx
Expecting, even wanting, a man to pay your bills is just insane. You're setting yourself up for all kinds of disaster by doing so.
I have never had a problem with men helping me out. I have never had to ask for his help. I wouldn't ask for his help since I would know he is generous from before we were an item. A generous man might not be a dealbreaker for many other women, but it is for some of us, and that's a personal choice, for both of us. Its for example, a woman who says that her dealbreaker would be that her boyfriend has to like animals. There's nothing wrong with that. It's her choice, and it should be respected. There are men out there who like animals and there are men who don't. There are men who like oranges and there are men who like peaches. Its all about selection and compatibility. A woman chooses who she wants and men do too. If a woman doesn't care about a man being financially generous with her, that is her choice and she has every right to find herself a man who is like Ron. To each their own. I wouldn't expect a lemon to give me milk, so I don't buy lemons and am dissapointed when they give me lemon juice. Lol. It really has never been a disaster for me. Really.
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If you can't afford a cell phone, then get rid of it before you ask someone else to pay the bill.
I agree.
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No one should feel obligated to be "generous" and pay someone else's bills...that's a bit manipulative if you ask me. "If you don't want to pay my bill, I won't date you?" Seriously?
I see where you're coming from. A woman has to choose the right man, in order to expect such things. She shouldn't get herself a bum and expect that she give her diamonds. It really doesn't matter if the guy is rich or works at the car wash, generosity is inherent. It is obvious from the word go, when a woman starts to date him. If she is wanting a generous man, she should look for a man who likes to share his good fortune. There are few men out there like that, but they exist. And she shouldn't expect that just because he is rich, he should give her anything. Nope, that is not the way it works. My example about the guy who would blow $1000 every month on his buddies, in a previous post, was meant to demonstrate how much I dislike men who are not generous (as mates only), but it wasn't meant to say that I would even go out with someone like that. Nope, if I am in a relationship with a man, I would know what to expect. And having to hassle about money, would not be something I would expect to do. A girl just knows who is going to be generous. These problems don't exist for someone who chooses well.
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Originally Posted by GLS
What is this preoccupation with fish? If it smells like bait, I'm not payin!
So I suppose you're wondering whatever happened to the other $100?
I paid for 2 movie tickets $20 total, bught drinks and popcorn, another $28 (we both got coke and popcorn)
$25 in gas I bought (I was low that day, and she lived across town)
And the last $25 was spent at a bowling alley and arcade
This is way too much activity for a first date. I would have chosen dinner or the movie or the arcade. If you wanted both dinner and a movie, I'd pay for the movie. The arcade/bowling can be the second date.
btw at whatever point of the evening, when she made that comment about your car, you had every right to walk her back to her door(or take her home) and bid her a good evening. Don't let anybody diss you like that, and don't spend over $100 on a date. She wasn't worth it.
oh and gas doesn't count, you would've had to buy that anyway.
Although, the post was not directed at me, I am So glad it was posted because it is probably what a lot of people on the forum think. Or it sounds like it anyway:
I have never had a problem with men helping me out. I have never had to ask for his help. I wouldn't ask for his help since I would know he is generous from before we were an item. A generous man might not be a dealbreaker for many other women, but it is for some of us, and that's a personal choice, for both of us. Its for example, a woman who says that her dealbreaker would be that her boyfriend has to like animals. There's nothing wrong with that. It's her choice, and it should be respected. There are men out there who like animals and there are men who don't. There are men who like oranges and there are men who like peaches. Its all about selection and compatibility. A woman chooses who she wants and men do too. If a woman doesn't care about a man being financially generous with her, that is her choice and she has every right to find herself a man who is like Ron. To each their own. I wouldn't expect a lemon to give me milk, so I don't buy lemons and am dissapointed when they give me lemon juice. Lol. It really has never been a disaster for me. Really.
I see where you're coming from. A woman has to choose the right man, in order to expect such things. She shouldn't get herself a bum and expect that she give her diamonds. It really doesn't matter if the guy is rich or works at the car wash, generosity is inherent. It is obvious from the word go, when a woman starts to date him. If she is wanting a generous man, she should look for a man who likes to share his good fortune. There are few men out there like that, but they exist. And she shouldn't expect that just because he is rich, he should give her anything. Nope, that is not the way it works. My example about the guy who would blow $1000 every month on his buddies, in a previous post, was meant to demonstrate how much I dislike men who are not generous (as mates only), but it wasn't meant to say that I would even go out with someone like that. Nope, if I am in a relationship with a man, I would know what to expect. And having to hassle about money, would not be something I would expect to do. A girl just knows who is going to be generous. These problems don't exist for someone who chooses well.
I kinda see your POV, but I also think all that is a nice way to describe a golddigger. A female who wants a man that's generous with his money = a female who wants a man to pay her bills or buy her things, etc. Right? The only difference I can see is that you're not specifying that the man has to be loaded - just willing to pay what he can.
Cause, honestly, if you're just looking for a straight up generous guy - go look for the guy who's giving his Saturdays to a local charity, funding the building of homes for less fortunate people, or mentors struggling teens. That is true generousity.
What I believe you are saying (correct me if I am wrong) is that you want a man who is generous with his money to you.
I agree with you in a sense that the "generous" quality in a man is attractive - but liking that quality and taking advantage of it are two very different things. I would hate to think that if I were dating a guy who made less than me that he would expect me to essentially give him money just because I earn more.
I kinda see your POV, but I also think all that is a nice way to describe a golddigger. A female who wants a man that's generous with his money = a female who wants a man to pay her bills or buy her things, etc. Right? The only difference I can see is that you're not specifying that the man has to be loaded - just willing to pay what he can.
Cause, honestly, if you're just looking for a straight up generous guy - go look for the guy who's giving his Saturdays to a local charity, funding the building of homes for less fortunate people, or mentors struggling teens. That is true generousity.
What I believe you are saying (correct me if I am wrong) is that you want a man who is generous with his money to you.
I agree with you in a sense that the "generous" quality in a man is attractive - but liking that quality and taking advantage of it are two very different things. I would hate to think that if I were dating a guy who made less than me that he would expect me to essentially give him money just because I earn more.
Well of course I want a man to be generous to me. In my opinion, greediness and love doesn't go together. I'm not fighting for him to be generous with anybody but me. If you were dating a guy who made less than you, you don't have to give him money, because that is your perception of how it should be. I'm not crazy about sharing my own wealth, but if need be, I would help out if he didn't have it, and I truly love him. And I wouldn't see it as him taking advantage of me. I would simply see it as loving him.
And nobody is taking advantage of anybody. When a man wants to give, it is because he wants to. Otherwise he would of dumped the woman a long time ago. If you see it as simply "golddigging", then it is because you are assuming a woman will give nothing in return. But I am a loving, honest, loyal, faithful, woman, who doesn't mind a man who likes to be in control. I don't just sit around and expect him to do all the work. I work just as hard as him, and honestly, don't even mind doing my share or more of the household chores. I simply don't mind. It's not a big deal to me to take care of the house for him. Golddiggers, might not be willing to do any of that.
Temp... we mature men all realize we pay for the pleasures of being with a women (especially the married guys) one way or another. I tend to agree with you that some men who are successful have the ability and disposition to be generous more than others and that's their choice.
A smart woman seldom asks or expects and never demands, they know how to make a guy want to do things for the woman in their life.
It goes with the turf of being a guy. Women have needs and so do men, each can help the other with those needs. That's life and the way it all works.
Well of course I want a man to be generous to me. In my opinion, greediness and love doesn't go together. I'm not fighting for him to be generous with anybody but me. If you were dating a guy who made less than you, you don't have to give him money, because that is your perception of how it should be. I'm not crazy about sharing my own wealth, but if need be, I would help out if he didn't have it, and I truly love him. And I wouldn't see it as him taking advantage of me. I would simply see it as loving him.
And nobody is taking advantage of anybody. When a man wants to give, it is because he wants to. Otherwise he would of dumped the woman a long time ago. If you see it as simply "golddigging", then it is because you are assuming a woman will give nothing in return. But I am a loving, honest, loyal, faithful, woman, who doesn't mind a man who likes to be in control. I don't just sit around and expect him to do all the work. I work just as hard as him, and honestly, don't even mind doing my share or more of the household chores. I simply don't mind. It's not a big deal to me to take care of the house for him. Golddiggers, might not be willing to do any of that.
I think my background definitely colors my view of the money thing. I know for certain that money does not have anything to do with love or showing love for someone.
The portion that I bolded above - those are all things that should be a part of every relationship. You make it sound as though because you are/do all those things that he should be willing to pay...
You and I are obviously of different opinions. It takes all kinds. Nothing to do about it.
Oddly enough, as a woman who will not accept financial support from a man, I always attract the ones who can/will give it.
Temp... we mature men all realize we pay for the pleasures of being with a women (especially the married guys) one way or another. I tend to agree with you that some men who are successful have the ability and disposition to be generous more than others and that's their choice.
A smart woman seldom asks or expects and never demands, they know how to make a guy want to do things for the woman in their life.
It goes with the turf of being a guy. Women have needs and so do men, each can help the other with those needs. That's life and the way it all works.
I think this (bolded) is the point though. It sounds from some posts that a couple of women here are expecting it - sounding like they will dump a man who won't offer to pay for their bills.
It's great to have a man who is willing to share, but expecting it is pretty high and mighty, I think.
I think my background definitely colors my view of the money thing. I know for certain that money does not have anything to do with love or showing love for someone.
The portion that I bolded above - those are all things that should be a part of every relationship. You make it sound as though because you are/do all those things that he should be willing to pay...
You and I are obviously of different opinions. It takes all kinds. Nothing to do about it.
Oddly enough, as a woman who will not accept financial support from a man, I always attract the ones who can/will give it.
You said it, we are of different opinions. You see those things as being part of every relationship, I see sharing as part of every relationship, too. It's not pay, its just sharing. But I'm not sure how to convince you, since we are not of the same mentality.
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Originally Posted by Rakin
Temp... we mature men all realize we pay for the pleasures of being with a women (especially the married guys) one way or another. I tend to agree with you that some men who are successful have the ability and disposition to be generous more than others and that's their choice.
A smart woman seldom asks or expects and never demands, they know how to make a guy want to do things for the woman in their life.
It goes with the turf of being a guy. Women have needs and so do men, each can help the other with those needs. That's life and the way it all works.
Thank you for your honesty Rakin. It's refreshing to hear it from a man's lips.
I think this (bolded) is the point though. It sounds from some posts that a couple of women here are expecting it - sounding like they will dump a man who won't offer to pay for their bills.
It's great to have a man who is willing to share, but expecting it is pretty high and mighty, I think.
Well that's not even close to what I said. Please reread my posts if you are refering to me.
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Nothing to do about it.
