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Anondeadgirl, I absolutely understand where your coming from. When I was kicked out of the religion, I was given one day to pack my things and get out. My parents didn't care in the least what happened to me, I was "dead" to them. Fortunately I had a good non-religious friend who gave me a place to stay until I got on my feet. I was lucky to have a "true" friend. 48 years later, we are still friends.
So I was born into the mormon religion, my parents have been mormon their whole life. They basically dedicate their whole life to this one religion. I'm now 18 and they have told me that I can make my own decisions but it doesn't mean they will agree with me. (Also they've known even since I was 13 I haven't wanted to be apart of the LDS church and they refused to let me make my own decisions)
I've told them multiples times I don't want to be mormon and that I don't believe in it, and they just get mad and punish me. Even when I'm sick in bed and don't go to church they take away my car and disconnect my cell phone. I've dealt with this my whole life and I'm not financially stable enough to support myself so I can get out of this hell hole, especially because every time I do make money they steal it/take it away from me.
The main cause of my depression is because of my parents and them controlling me and my life and trying to force their beliefs and this <<cut>> religion on me. I feel like I'm never going to escape.
This isn't really a question about religious faith but rather one about controlling parents. In that sense, it's going to be easy but hard at the same time:
1) Be self-sufficient. That means being able to earn your own money and live on your own. If you rely on your parents for anything, it means they get to have control over some or all parts of your life. If you are not financially stable, then make the decisions that make you that way. If it means working two jobs, then so be it. If it means living off ramen noodles, a few nights a week, then okay.
2) When you become an adult, you can do anything you want. Some define that as turning 18. Realistically, it means when you have finished school and have a job that pays your bills. Ideally, you do it in a different city from where your parents live.
Once you achieve those two things, then you are the only obstacle to your own future happiness and fulfillment.
I am not using them. They let me use the car for school and work and I never said I wasn't grateful because I am. I do not receive any money from them. They don't pay for my schooling. I will be the only one paying for it and I don't mind, but the process of saving money for school without going into debt or without a scholarship takes time and I have accepted that. Eventually when I am financially stable I will purchase my own car and move out but right now I have to focus on school to get my degree so I can support myself without worrying. I am not going to take a break from school because that isn't smart for the position I am in (my parents would never let me do that because before I started college I suggested that I should take a gap year and work to save up and they said no and that was the end of discussion). I already have to attend 5-6 years of schooling to get my degree and I will not push it back to move out because I don't want to struggle trying to pay for school and rent. If that happens then I'll have to move back home or find another solution. Getting a random job just to save up and move out is pointless if I have to go into debt to pay for school, it is not something I intend on doing since I have seen many people in my life go through it. I have already have been coming up with a plan because I know what I want and that's what I'm sticking to, but it is unrealistic to set a timeline because not everything comes at the time you plan to have it, which is why I am trying to be patient.
Its also very hard to not have the LDS religion brought up when that is all my parents talk about, I go to church on my own I don't whine about going to them and I do what they ask of me because if I don't I get in trouble and I don't plan on defying them as long as I live in their house. I have never tried to change my parents minds about their beliefs whatsoever and I will never do that. Its their faith and what they choose to believe in and I respect that. All I was saying is I wish I had the same respect back.
One more thing if you aren't here to be positive then don't respond. I don't appreciate your negative comments towards me telling me to just "shut up" and deal with it when I have been dealing with it my whole life so I don't need to hear that from you. I was never trying to complain and if it seems like that it was never my intention. I was letting out my frustrations and just simply asking for advice, if you have never been through a situation like this then you don't realize how complicated it actually is. All the positive comments and advice I do appreciate and have tried to apply to a plan in something that I can actually see myself doing and achieving.
That's interesting. It does sound like you are using them, because you are an adult who wants freedom and respect, but you are still totally dependent on your parents for your existence. Trust me, if I had such parents, I'd be out the door on my 18th birthday. My independence from irrationality would be more important than my career, which I could start later. But they are paying for your housing, food, car, phone, health insurance, utilities, etc. You may be 18, but in reality, you are a dependent child. You ARE paying for school, and that's good, but that's for you, not them. They are making you possible. I'm not sure you understand what a huge imposition you are. You are their kid and they love you, but trust me, you are an expensive adult, and they are paying for everything that keeps you alive and kicking. Don't underestimate such an amazing gift.
The other interesting question is why don't you believe in Mormonism? It's as good as any other religious belief system. You said you are not atheist. What good reason could you have for believing the tenets of a different faith than that that is held by your parents? There is no way to prove that one doctrine is different or better than another, so why not just go with the flow? What difference could it possibly make? I could understand it if you were atheist, you'd be leaving mysticism altogether. But to choose some other doctrine NOT held by your parents? Sounds like passive-agressive rebellion rather than principle. Why not just be a Mormon? What's so bad about that?
The other interesting question is why don't you believe in Mormonism? It's as good as any other religious belief system. You said you are not atheist. What good reason could you have for believing the tenets of a different faith than that that is held by your parents? There is no way to prove that one doctrine is different or better than another, so why not just go with the flow? What difference could it possibly make? I could understand it if you were atheist, you'd be leaving mysticism altogether. But to choose some other doctrine NOT held by your parents? Sounds like passive-agressive rebellion rather than principle. Why not just be a Mormon? What's so bad about that?
I don't think she came on here to blast Mormonism or to explain why she no longer believes in this religion. The Mormonism is a McGuffin. One can swap out Mormonism for another religion or the desire to be in a band, or that she is love with a girl, etc. She has lost faith in her parent's ability to "let her be" while she is figuring out how to grow independent of them, which every kid has to do eventually. It is an universal dilemma faced by both parents and children alike. I left at age 18 and didn't look back, while my older brother and sister lived with my parents until my parents' deaths. Guess who criticized our parents the most after they died, with complaints that they had messed up their lives? This girl is finding her way and wants advice. It does seem like she can't face that she will have to comply with them if she stays there. It really is a case of stay and comply, or get out if you want your freedom that badly. None of us are going to be able to make her parents reflect her desires and needs. She has to put her head down and plow forward. Or escape any way she can. Her choice.
The other interesting question is why don't you believe in Mormonism? It's as good as any other religious belief system. You said you are not atheist. What good reason could you have for believing the tenets of a different faith than that that is held by your parents? There is no way to prove that one doctrine is different or better than another, so why not just go with the flow? What difference could it possibly make? I could understand it if you were atheist, you'd be leaving mysticism altogether. But to choose some other doctrine NOT held by your parents? Sounds like passive-agressive rebellion rather than principle. Why not just be a Mormon? What's so bad about that?
I don't think she came on here to blast Mormonism or to explain why she no longer believes in this religion. The Mormonism is a McGuffin. One can swap out Mormonism for another religion or the desire to be in a band, or that she is love with a girl, etc. She has lost faith in her parent's ability to "let her be" while she is figuring out how to grow independent of them, which every kid has to do eventually. It is an universal dilemma faced by both parents and children alike. I left at age 18 and didn't look back, while my older brother and sister lived with my parents until my parents' deaths. Guess who criticized our parents the most after they died, with complaints that they had messed up their lives? This girl is finding her way and wants advice. It does seem like she can't face that she will have to comply with them if she stays there. It really is a case of stay and comply, or get out if you want your freedom that badly. None of us are going to be able to make her parents reflect her desires and needs. She has to put her head down and plow forward. Or escape any way she can. Her choice.
I guess it comes down to having to follow club rules.
yeah, he believes in something. That is at least supported by science.
but why join a club and be responsible to up hold its rules when one doesn't agree?
I guess it comes down to having to follow club rules.
yeah, he believes in something. That is at least supported by science.
but why join a club and be responsible to up hold its rules when one doesn't agree?
I stopped being Catholic when I was age 17 which really angered my Irish American father. I stopped going to church or mass but I didn't go out my way to bait him with my new views. The difference is that he didn't use his parental power to withhold money or take away my car, if I didn't go. And because most of my relatives living on the west coast weren't Catholics, and our neighborhood weren't made up of Catholics, and my public school didn't instill Catholic values, it was less scary to break away. I would think most Mormon youth would feel they are breaking away from their family and community if they stopped being Mormon. But then,what do I know? I do know that once a Mormon stops being Mormon he/she can't attend their brother and sister's wedding religious part of the ceremony, which is a rule that could make one feel he/she is on the "outside" of the family. It would me, anyway.
I stopped being Catholic when I was age 17 which really angered my Irish American father. I stopped going to church or mass but I didn't go out my way to bait him with my new views. The difference is that he didn't use his parental power to withhold money or take away my car, if I didn't go. And because most of my relatives living on the west coast weren't Catholics, and our neighborhood weren't made up of Catholics, and my public school didn't instill Catholic values, it was less scary to break away. I would think most Mormon youth would feel they are breaking away from their family and community if they stopped being Mormon. But then,what do I know? I do know that once a Mormon stops being Mormon he/she can't attend their brother and sister's wedding religious part of the ceremony, which is a rule that could make one feel he/she is on the "outside" of the family. It would me, anyway.
Mormons say that a a non-mormon family member can't attend the wedding? wow. No wonder I was atheist by the age of nine.
I was like you. I was atheist by the third grade but I went to private catholic school for 12 years. My parents, although confused, never did anything but their job. Ultimately they said "god doesn't care what you believe about him, treat people with the dignity they deserve."
The other interesting question is why don't you believe in Mormonism? It's as good as any other religious belief system. You said you are not atheist. What good reason could you have for believing the tenets of a different faith than that that is held by your parents? There is no way to prove that one doctrine is different or better than another, so why not just go with the flow? What difference could it possibly make? I could understand it if you were atheist, you'd be leaving mysticism altogether. But to choose some other doctrine NOT held by your parents? Sounds like passive-agressive rebellion rather than principle. Why not just be a Mormon? What's so bad about that?
I don't think she came on here to blast Mormonism or to explain why she no longer believes in this religion. The Mormonism is a McGuffin. One can swap out Mormonism for another religion or the desire to be in a band, or that she is love with a girl, etc. She has lost faith in her parent's ability to "let her be" while she is figuring out how to grow independent of them, which every kid has to do eventually. It is an universal dilemma faced by both parents and children alike. I left at age 18 and didn't look back, while my older brother and sister lived with my parents until my parents' deaths. Guess who criticized our parents the most after they died, with complaints that they had messed up their lives? This girl is finding her way and wants advice. It does seem like she can't face that she will have to comply with them if she stays there. It really is a case of stay and comply, or get out if you want your freedom that badly. None of us are going to be able to make her parents reflect her desires and needs. She has to put her head down and plow forward. Or escape any way she can. Her choice.
Mormons say that a a non-mormon family member can't attend the wedding? wow. No wonder I was atheist by the age of nine.
I was like you. I was atheist by the third grade but I went to private catholic school for 12 years. My parents, although confused, never did anything but their job. Ultimately they said "god doesn't care what you believe about him, treat people with the dignity they deserve."
Some belief systems lead people to believe their "job" is to make sure their children stay in the religion they are in. I can't comment on the Mormons but that's true in the Jehovah's Witnesses. Leaving the religion equals certain death so they do everything they can to make sure their children "survive" including making it as difficult as possible to leave.
Some belief systems lead people to believe their "job" is to make sure their children stay in the religion they are in. I can't comment on the Mormons but that's true in the Jehovah's Witnesses. Leaving the religion equals certain death so they do everything they can to make sure their children "survive" including making it as difficult as possible to leave.
In the late 1960s -- not sure if they still do -- Catholic were supposed to get permission from their priest before they would be allowed to go into another church. I ask for permission to go to a Methodist church to be part of a wedding, and was told no. I went anyway.
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