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Old 10-26-2011, 04:16 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 31,497,588 times
Reputation: 29076

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Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
I wonder...for a single or couple retiring and moving far to a new state, especially a smaller town where they know no one, how they can judge (ahead of time, esp if they couldn't spend trial time there), if it's a good fit in terms of the people already living there. If one is more of loner, I suppose it doesn't matter how welcoming the townspeople are. And I do get that one has to "make an effort and get out there, join things," etc...but for someone who is making a huge leap into a brand new place, this can be daunting even if one has the energy and inclination to do it.

Just wondering, esp if you are a single, how you fared in terms of fitting in and making new friends in a totally new place, far from where you left.
Lotsa research, including on C-D. "Met" our Realtor that way and had a number of email and telephone exchanges. She was from where we were living in another state so we shared ideas, wants, expectations, etc., and also talked about the people we'd be experiencing and community attitudes, degrees of sophistication, et al. It worked!

Neither my wife nor I are "joiners" and it's not required where we landed. We do, however, know all our neighbors and seemingly have fit in well and comfortably. I don't think we could have done better. Finding the house took two days from starting to look to making an offer which was accepted within 24 hours and it was fly back to pack and move. Pre-qualification for our mortgage helped. Now, in our third year in a welcoming, supportive and active (if we want it to be for us) community, no regrets!
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Old 10-26-2011, 04:29 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,985,208 times
Reputation: 15649
Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post
Lotsa research, including on C-D. "Met" our Realtor that way and had a number of email and telephone exchanges. She was from where we were living in another state so we shared ideas, wants, expectations, etc., and also talked about the people we'd be experiencing and community attitudes, degrees of sophistication, et al. It worked!

Neither my wife nor I are "joiners" and it's not required where we landed. We do, however, know all our neighbors and seemingly have fit in well and comfortably. I don't think we could have done better. Finding the house took two days from starting to look to making an offer which was accepted within 24 hours and it was fly back to pack and move. Pre-qualification for our mortgage helped. Now, in our third year in a welcoming, supportive and active (if we want it to be for us) community, no regrets!
I'm wondering two things here>

1. How did your realtor (in another state) know what the people/community would be like for you specifically? Pardon me, but it sounds kind of "fantastic"!

2. How does one know that one's neighbors would not be adverse to one's politics, religion, and other leanings? What if a liberal landed unknowingly in an ultraconservative place, and vice versa, for example? Or one moves to a brand new location and finds that their neighbors are standoffish, despite what a realtor, etc. had predicted? That sort of thing.

When one moves to a totally new location, not knowing much about a particular place or its people, it seems like it's a big gamble. Especially if one is relocating alone, as many retirees do. Some single retirees "move back home to be near family," and experience the "you can't go home again" thing--in not relating to any of the folks back there, despite the fact that it is home. One can also "join" things, only to find out that the folks are not too tolerant of, or interested in, you. Just wonderin'.....
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Old 10-26-2011, 05:09 PM
 
Location: Olympia, WA
363 posts, read 426,829 times
Reputation: 704
Default Fitting in

Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
I'm wondering two things here>

1. How did your realtor (in another state) know what the people/community would be like for you specifically? Pardon me, but it sounds kind of "fantastic"!

2. How does one know that one's neighbors would not be adverse to one's politics, religion, and other leanings? What if a liberal landed unknowingly in an ultraconservative place, and vice versa, for example? Or one moves to a brand new location and finds that their neighbors are standoffish, despite what a realtor, etc. had predicted? That sort of thing.

When one moves to a totally new location, not knowing much about a particular place or its people, it seems like it's a big gamble. Especially if one is relocating alone, as many retirees do. Some single retirees "move back home to be near family," and experience the "you can't go home again" thing--in not relating to any of the folks back there, despite the fact that it is home. One can also "join" things, only to find out that the folks are not too tolerant of, or interested in, you. Just wonderin'.....
Well, when we moved to middle TN from Arizona, we didn't know a soul here. My husband's health was good for the first year, and we fished, explored the area, met a few neighbors....but we had each other and didn't care whether we "fit in" to any particular way of living or were not influenced by politics, religion or community values.

After his health went downhill and I went back to work, I (especially) met new people at work and in the community who made me feel like I was welcome and belonged here. We have been here five years and have made many friends and acquaintances. I don't know anyone who could have predicted that feeling and acceptance.

Now that his health has declined and I am faced with the possibility of being alone in the future, the feeling I have developed here makes me wonder if I could ever leave. It adds to my confusion about where I would want to "end up." Move back to Washington to be near family, move to Idaho to be near a niece in a gorgeous small town, or stay here? I feel confident in my abilities and my personality that I could fit it to any place I make as my final destination. It's a lot to think about and consider from any perspective.

I guess I will just have to take one day at a time and continue to read this forum for thoughts, ideas and support. Thanks for letting me add my two cents!
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Old 10-26-2011, 06:14 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in Texas
5,230 posts, read 11,678,430 times
Reputation: 2647
Quote:
Originally Posted by tngirl205 View Post
Canine Castle, what made you say that Kamiah is one of your choices as well? Have you been there? My other niece visited the niece that lives there and posted quite a few pictures of their visit.....the area is breathtaking, the town is right along a river. It is a quaint little town with a good grocery store. As long as I can have my internet and DISH tv, I'm good!
Not yet, but what I see on the internet I like. It's one of my choices to visit and keep it on the list or remove. it. I don't need dish, but I'd like my internet.
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Old 10-26-2011, 06:40 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 31,497,588 times
Reputation: 29076
Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
I'm wondering two things here>

1. How did your realtor (in another state) know what the people/community would be like for you specifically? Pardon me, but it sounds kind of "fantastic"!

2. How does one know that one's neighbors would not be adverse to one's politics, religion, and other leanings? What if a liberal landed unknowingly in an ultraconservative place, and vice versa, for example? Or one moves to a brand new location and finds that their neighbors are standoffish, despite what a realtor, etc. had predicted? That sort of thing.

When one moves to a totally new location, not knowing much about a particular place or its people, it seems like it's a big gamble. Especially if one is relocating alone, as many retirees do. Some single retirees "move back home to be near family," and experience the "you can't go home again" thing--in not relating to any of the folks back there, despite the fact that it is home. One can also "join" things, only to find out that the folks are not too tolerant of, or interested in, you. Just wonderin'.....
She was FROM our former state and city but had lived here for about 10 years.

As for the rest, knew we were moving to an area that, by-and-large subscribed to certain political "leanings" so there were no surprises in that regard. Also knew we'd be a bit odd-men-out religiously but we don't make a big deal about it, nor does anyone else.

Ya rolls yur dice, ya takes yur chances! So far, so good!
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Old 10-26-2011, 06:41 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,985,208 times
Reputation: 15649
Quote:
Originally Posted by tngirl205 View Post
Well, when we moved to middle TN from Arizona, we didn't know a soul here. My husband's health was good for the first year, and we fished, explored the area, met a few neighbors....but we had each other and didn't care whether we "fit in" to any particular way of living or were not influenced by politics, religion or community values.

After his health went downhill and I went back to work, I (especially) met new people at work and in the community who made me feel like I was welcome and belonged here. We have been here five years and have made many friends and acquaintances. I don't know anyone who could have predicted that feeling and acceptance.

Now that his health has declined and I am faced with the possibility of being alone in the future, the feeling I have developed here makes me wonder if I could ever leave. It adds to my confusion about where I would want to "end up." Move back to Washington to be near family, move to Idaho to be near a niece in a gorgeous small town, or stay here? I feel confident in my abilities and my personality that I could fit it to any place I make as my final destination. It's a lot to think about and consider from any perspective.

I guess I will just have to take one day at a time and continue to read this forum for thoughts, ideas and support. Thanks for letting me add my two cents!
My feeling is that friends and community are great for when we are active (and interactive) and healthy, but they tend to minimize or disappear for the elderly and those in failing health. In the latter scenario, imo, it's best to be near family (assuming that family cares). "Paradise" (gorgeous small town) is just an environment to enjoy; by itself it can mean little without the component of close friends and/or close family that will really be there for us when we approach "old and infirm" (which could be imminent, or decades down the road, who knows).
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Old 10-26-2011, 07:51 PM
 
Location: Olympia, WA
363 posts, read 426,829 times
Reputation: 704
I agree neg, it is best to be near family if at all possible. A definite thing to consider.
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Old 10-26-2011, 09:45 PM
 
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
22,622 posts, read 39,986,663 times
Reputation: 23772
Quote:
Originally Posted by tngirl205 View Post
I agree neg, it is best to be near family if at all possible. A definite thing to consider.
Not in my family (I trust (hope) your's is different)

We will all grow old in far away places with a support network of friends, but definately not family (I was a caregiver from age 18 - 50 for a sick parent, but that was the exception rather than the rule).

NE TN will be one spot that I will have a CHEAP 'self-supporting place' to grow old. I.E. a cash flowing rural rental with space for me in a seperate residence(other targeted spots are SW WA, Hill Country TX, Black Hills SD or CO or WY). Income TAX FREE or fair / equitable tax...

I stayed with several NE TN 'transplants' last yr; and they were very pleased with the way they were accepted into the community and felt they had a great support network and medical care. (Some had experience with utilizing network due to self or spouse issues). 2 couples had each lost spouses since moving to NE TN and got support and eventually re-connected while staying in NE TN. Neither had family nearby.
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Old 10-26-2011, 10:14 PM
 
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
22,622 posts, read 39,986,663 times
Reputation: 23772
Quote:
Originally Posted by tngirl205 View Post
...thanks for the plug about CDA. ... a niece in Kamiah, ID.....not too far away for a visit. ... Besides, I miss the evergreens in that part of America.
Ha, head about 30 minutes from Kamiah (towards Moscow) and find Kendrich, ID... that is my favorite spot in ID (tho I'm a Prairie kid... I have a thing for tumbleweeds / grain farms).

Actually Moscow, ID would be a great place with access to all these other nice spots, but yet some culture / edu / shopping and medical available. Unfortunately it is too far from a direct airport to Asia, so I won't be retiring there.
CDA is WAY out of my price range and cluttered with significant CA influx of growth in last 20 yrs. (and all the problems that go along with CA growth...) TOO bad CA didn't force RE $$ to stay 'IN STATE"... they would have $$, and WE would have affordable taxes... CA ruined MANY states, including why I had to leave CO 30 + yrs ago... Got 'taxed off' my family ranch.

My spreadsheet indicated serious challenges to retiringing in nice rural (remote) areas (I wanted WY),. Transportation, food, medical, and LOW probability of selling home cast a dark cloud over my 'dreams'.

I'm stuck in Casa Grande, and have plenty good view of those 'Evergreens' (Have a pacific coast rainforest in my backyard w/ 250' tall trees + live in CGNSA). I took a PT job to cover my property taxes which are due this week ($6130 for 6 months... they were $800 / yr when I built the joint ~ 12 yrs ago))... I am still physically able to work unlimited OT, so covered the tax bill in less than a month. Now I will work a bit longer to get a bit ahead, and then (Hopefully) get the cash flowing places rented and financed (cheap) and head overseas to live in a spot where I can afford healthcare. The cash flowing joints will pay themselves off, or I will do so with 'qualified $$' (which I can't touch for several yrs). I like the 2.88% interest I'm currently paying, so no big rush to pay that off.

When I'm 70 - 75 I will sell the joints I don't want to keep and carry the paper (with a minimum 40% down) to suppliment my income.

BTW... I won't be doing summer in my TX or TN areas. I have a rule not to go east of Missouri River between June and Sept.

Low taxes... that is the quest.... I'm considering re-writing the book 'the low-tax house' it is out of print and real hard to find (and a bit out of date too).

I feel the 'new' seniors / retirees will be re-writing a LOT of books... no more 'Criuse-ship-style' retirement centers for US! I sure am not planning to get a dressed up for dinner.... they can 'stuff' that idea (I just visted friends on Sunday who had to get all fixed up to go to dining hall... AND you MUST leave your walker outside No one wants to see THOSE in a retirement home )

Not for me... I'm a Rebel / antique hippy
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Old 10-26-2011, 11:00 PM
 
Location: Whereever we have our RV parked
8,797 posts, read 7,712,915 times
Reputation: 15089
Newenglandgirl. From my experience, acceptance in a new area is often times a factor of not necessarily whether it is a small or large town. I think it most often depends on if the people in the area have mostly moved into the area from somewhere else, or if the locals are all pretty much from that area. If they are all from that area, then they have family and friends that they have known since they were little. Its harder to be accepted in those areas. If an area has lots of people who have moved in from someplace else, then it tends to be easier to be accepted because many of them were also at one time new, and they don't have lifelong friends and family around.
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