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What depresses me is looking at the Calendar and seeing a different Doctor every day. You start off with one doctor for a minor problem and they send you to 12 more for "tests" so they can fleece Medicare. Then your whole life is taken over by doctors and you accomplish nothing.
Thanks everyone - I am still going to have to be involved in some caregiving/managing - I am the only one who can do it . . .<snip>
Why? Unless you are caring for a parent and you have no other siblings, that's b.s. And before you jump on me for stating this, I understand where you're coming from. It seems I'm always saying "Well, SOMEONE has to do it." And when I say SOMEONE, I'm referring to me. Why is that?! Something to think about... I am just having a difficult time at the moment - "this too shall pass," as they say . . .
There is nothing in your post that suggests that "this too shall pass." Unless there are changes, your burden will only increase as time goes by.
I know just how you feel. I am so tired I want to just pull up the covers and sleep for a week.
Instead of gardening, reading, and taking long delayed trips to visit old friends, I'm spending my retirement years caring for my mother (who is in her 90's with dementia), my husband (who just fractured his pelvis in a bike mishap and can't put any weight on one side until sometime after the SuperBowl), and, upon occasion, our grown kids (who are still in college and are, mercifully, determined to live on their own and will probably continue do so as long as the Pell grants and college loans hold out).
I am so tired of cooking, shopping for groceries, doing laundry, vacuuming, straightening the place...
I use caller I.D. to screen my calls, try to count my blessings, and hope that someone on this thread will write about a strategy that will work for me.
You need help. Plain and simple or you will lose your mind. Not kidding. Even if there is someone to take over so you can go sit in a park for an afternoon or even just sit in the damn tub. One person can not and should not live day in and day out having to do all of this.
You are wearing yourself out. It isn't something to take lightly. Seriously.
There is great, compassionate advice on here. I wish I could add some more. All I can say is that I, too, HATE it when the phone rings or when I come home and the light's blinking because someone left a message.
I just say, "What now!!!"
I am SO sick of filling out forms and doing paperwork. I hate getting the mail everyday. Deadlines for this and for that. Right now it's Medicare forms and decisions (and no money to get the insurance I would want) but also I'm overwhelmed by my husband's immigration forms -- form after form after form and $$$$$$$$ after $$$$$$$$$ after $$$$$$$$$$. Trying to get some health insurance for him too=nightmare. But--I am being an idiot! How many people can get divorced at this age and find a cutie pie online and get married and start a new life? I just had no idea that immigration was such a PAIN and so EXPENSIVE. Now we are supposed to compile a packet proving that we have a good married life! (That he didn't marry me just to get into the USA). So we're photocopying our little cards and notes to each other, photocopying our joint bank account, and so on. We should have photos of the two of us together but one is always holding the camera!
But this is the final stage of becoming a legal permanent resident, he'll be good for another 10 years--by that age we may be dead or senile. He's a good man, a great companion--and he COOKS! What am I complaining about??
I already went through the loss of parents and ended up with one sister to whom I will never speak again. I'm a lot better off for that.
For me part of it is attitude, I know. I could force myself to go for a walk or lose myself in gardening, go to the library but I just feel like I want to be perfectly still and be left alone for a while.
Like the OP, I need to break out of this vicious cycle. For me, a lot of the problems are financial but to OP--can you afford to get away? A vacation can do wonders. Even a bus trip with a group. Give yourself a break and see what normal life is like before you forget completely. Do you have any old friends you can go and visit? Recharge your battery, it helps.
Last edited by in_newengland; 10-12-2011 at 10:02 AM..
A while back I went through a really bad period, and had a friend tell me when you get that way, it's all too easy to fall into the negativity. Her simple solution was each day, write down three good things. It doesn't have to be this huge journally diary blog posty thing -- just write down three good things. Like right now mine would be
Ferb (our new kitten -- he's riot!)
The really good salami
New chaises
The next day, find three more and write those down.
I thought it was stupid. And at the beginning it was HARD.... but every day I found three things, and wrote them down -- in an email to her.... soon it was easier because I was looking on the bright side of things. The gloom lifted.
Now -- that worked for me.
Hubby needed antidepressants, and needed to lose his job, so he could find something new.
I'd say when you feel "drained" in the presence of another, it's time to find different company. Some people like to hash and re-hash to whatever/whoever's ear they can. Some have legitimate problems--that's okay if it's done appropriately w/ boundaries. But, when it's not...As you get older, you have to know who's worth your energy and which battles are worth fighting.
I am not the kind of person who walks away from responsibility. I just could not live with myself and would be even more miserable.
Everything in life is in flux and WILL change . . .
Some things likely won't.
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I just had no idea that immigration was such a PAIN and so EXPENSIVE. Now we are supposed to compile a packet proving that we have a good married life! (That he didn't marry me just to get into the USA). So we're photocopying our little cards and notes to each other, photocopying our joint bank account, and so on. We should have photos of the two of us together but one is always holding the camera!
