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Such as how (or where) to live? Are your family or friends too opinionated (toward you) as far as you're concerned? Do you just turn a deaf ear, or do their comments get to you?
Absolutely. Although the type of advice varies with the source. I think I've mentioned elsewhere that my DIL apparantly thinks that I should prefer to live in a box under an overpass rather than move away from family.
But aside from that, I find that advice from friends and acquaintances is based on their own preferences and experiences rather than mine. For instance, my friends who either prefer or wouldn't mind living in attached housing (condo or apt) keep telling me that my problems would be solved "if I just wouldn't insist on having a SFH". Those who are fixated only on cost of living rather than anything else keep telling me that my problems would be solved "if I would just consider moving down south". Those who haven't yet had any serious medical issues "can't understand why I'm so fixated on being close to a good hospital". The ones that are still married or have grown kids within call can't understand "why I don't just call a handyman" when there are things that I can't physically handle myself (because they've never been in that kind of position).
And only two of my friends know what it's like to be a 60+ woman on her own and living on a shoestring or fixed income, with no pension income in the offing. All the others are either (a) still working, (b) still married or (c) both. And one of those two friends does have a pension from a former job and so doesn't need to rely solely on SS. However I do take into consideration that the other people, while by no means "rich", don't know what it's like to have to worry THAT much about money, either now or in the future. So they really cannot relate and I suppose I shouldn't expect them to. Those coments don't get to me as much as the ones in the other category. My DIL's attitude, though, really burns my youknowwhat but I don't let on. Don't want to put DS in the middle.
Yes I thought my friend was full of beans and had spent too much on buybacks at the last minute I found out he was right and i stopped what could have been a one third loss of retirement
I'm not quite a senior, yet, but I have my share of people giving me useless advice that really benefits *them* especially on financial matters.
I'm getting so that I think to myself, "How will X benefit if I take this advice?" If they don't personally benefit then I'm more likely to consider it.
I hope this thread topic is flexible enough to encompass the exact opposite situation, namely giving advice that a senior doesn't want to hear. My mother was 90 and living alone in a regular apartment. She wasn't coping; she wasn't able to reliably prepare food for herself so her nutritional needs were not being met. My sister lived a day's drive away and I lived two and half days' drive away. We both tried to convince her to consider a retirement community where two or three meals a day in a dining hall are part of the rent (she could easily afford it).
But no dice. My mother always was stubborn and pig-headed, and refused to consider making any changes; she had "reasons" why meals-on-wheels were not satisfactory and why meals delivered by her church were not satisfactory. Finally my sister and I were in despair and were considering going to court to seek guardianship; at that time my mother relented and moved into a retirement community that she quickly came to like. My sister and I liked it too; it was a surprisingly cheery place.
The story has a happy ending: My mother died two months after making her move without being hospitalized or becoming bedridden. Her last two months were relatively pleasant for her. She was about to turn 91.
I'm a young senior, so this hasn't happened to us yet, not sure it will. When my mother reached a certain age, my brother and I knew enough never to tell her what to do, or even suggest it! I'm hoping our son will be supportive of us, and that we'll make the right decisions before it's time to make them.
after all, we women couldn't possibly know what we're doing, especially if we're single. I listen, hoping I might hear something worthy - I don't have all the answers -and then keep possible good stuff and discard the trash.
There are those that are downright insulting and are lucky I just smile and mentally turn on the garbage disposal.
No one has offered any advice to us. The only one who would have was my late father-in-law. He was a wonderful, loving man who cared and worried about everyone. He would just have to get that worry out of his system, which came out as unasked for advice. He felt he should tell us things, in case we hadn't thought about it.
Yes, he made us crazy when we were younger buying a house and raising our son, but we knew he had our well being in mind even then. Now looking back we can clearly see the why in his actions now. Dear, sweet man, I miss him and his good intentions.
Unsolicited advice can be maddening, annoying and a host of other negatives, but it does sometimes give a different perspective on things.
Last edited by jean_ji; 06-14-2014 at 08:55 PM..
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Yes - tons of it~~~
