Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I was talking to a coworker, a woman near retirement, who recently lost her mother after a couple of years in assisted living. Her mom was miserable after losing her independence and scared of her heart problem, calling her daughter to go to the ER whenever she was short of breath. She required a lot of time and attention. My coworker was sad and grieved when she lost her mother but today she was telling me she has felt guilty on her recent days off because she enjoys her freedom so much. She divorced only a couple of years ago and almost immediately became a part time caregiver (the part of the time she wasn't working or sleeping) so this is pretty much her first total freedom. Hearing her talk about it, she did not expect to enjoy life as much as she does right now. I doubt she does anything to rock that boat anytime soon.
I'm sympathetic to the women who want nothing to do with being a caregiver. Unless you're that "type," caregiving is a total drag no matter what sex you are. What puzzles me is the implied assumption that most men are looking for a nursemaid. Seriously, are they? I'm not on the dating scene, and don't know what men or women are looking for these days, but when I was dating, "caregiving" was the last thing on my mind.
With that in mind, I would imaging that an Old woman looking at Old men, would want one who's got the scratch to hire his own darned caregiver when the need arises (and vice versa, while we're at it - same sauce for the goose and the gander, is my motto). Granted, that's a little hard to suss out on the first date, so you're back to "are we attracted/are we compatible" just like any other dating situation.
But what I'm reading here is a belief that women (including ones my friend might like) take one look at a fellow's age lines and think, "Oh, no! He'll have me washing his dishes, cleaning out his CPAP mask, and changing his diapers!" Why would women expect that from an otherwise attractive man, when they haven't even gotten to know him?
I'm sympathetic to the women who want nothing to do with being a caregiver. Unless you're that "type," caregiving is a total drag no matter what sex you are. What puzzles me is the implied assumption that most men are looking for a nursemaid. Seriously, are they? I'm not on the dating scene, and don't know what men or women are looking for these days, but when I was dating, "caregiving" was the last thing on my mind.
With that in mind, I would imaging that an Old woman looking at Old men, would want one who's got the scratch to hire his own darned caregiver when the need arises (and vice versa, while we're at it - same sauce for the goose and the gander, is my motto). Granted, that's a little hard to suss out on the first date, so you're back to "are we attracted/are we compatible" just like any other dating situation.
But what I'm reading here is a belief that women (including ones my friend might like) take one look at a fellow's age lines and think, "Oh, no! He'll have me washing his dishes, cleaning out his CPAP mask, and changing his diapers!" Why would women expect that from an otherwise attractive man, when they haven't even gotten to know him?
Because it's their experience, even if they worked. When men and woman were dating, enjoying each others company, going to dinner, hanging out, doing this or that, and you know ... housekeeping was the last thing on either of their minds.
Once considering taking it further, many men assumed, some even believing that it's "woman work". Men easily settled in to mimicking the same script they've grown up with. As I said before, if the wife complained, their complaints went unheard, some men thought she was nagging as if she was complaining for the hell of it as the case of DH friend, when she said enough and filed for divorce, he was shocked! (lol) He thought she was happy, how didn't he know? Because he ignored her pleas.... she's just being a b*tch he would say. Obviously not, she was telling him she was unhappy. Too late though.
Women, been there, done that, of course it comes to mind. As my friend did, after a happily divorcing, when she dated, she quietly watched out for the signs that.. strike 1, strike 2, oh, he was one of those kinds.
A language you may be able to understand... how can sex be good if you're too damn tired.
I'm sympathetic to the women who want nothing to do with being a caregiver. Unless you're that "type," caregiving is a total drag no matter what sex you are. What puzzles me is the implied assumption that most men are looking for a nursemaid. Seriously, are they? I'm not on the dating scene, and don't know what men or women are looking for these days, but when I was dating, "caregiving" was the last thing on my mind.
With that in mind, I would imaging that an Old woman looking at Old men, would want one who's got the scratch to hire his own darned caregiver when the need arises (and vice versa, while we're at it - same sauce for the goose and the gander, is my motto). Granted, that's a little hard to suss out on the first date, so you're back to "are we attracted/are we compatible" just like any other dating situation.
But what I'm reading here is a belief that women (including ones my friend might like) take one look at a fellow's age lines and think, "Oh, no! He'll have me washing his dishes, cleaning out his CPAP mask, and changing his diapers!" Why would women expect that from an otherwise attractive man, when they haven't even gotten to know him?
Maybe it's a case of "Once burned, twice learned." A woman may be afraid she might fall into the same trap so why take a chance?
I believe the women here are speaking from experience. I know I am. You said you are not on the dating scene. Men who are looking for a nursemaid communicate that loud and clear early on. There is nothing implied about it especially when they are eager to marry or move in after the third date.
But again, if a woman is just looking to date and have a nice relationship, that's fine. It doesn't have to be marriage.
I've heard that it may be due to Hitachi vibrators with long cords.
Makes most men unnecessary and there's no snoring or farting involved.
this reminds me of something i heard recently that still makes me laugh.
there's the saying for men, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free
well, there's also a saying for women, why take the whole pig home to live with just for that little bitty piece of sausage
I'm sympathetic to the women who want nothing to do with being a caregiver. Unless you're that "type," caregiving is a total drag no matter what sex you are. What puzzles me is the implied assumption that most men are looking for a nursemaid. Seriously, are they? I'm not on the dating scene, and don't know what men or women are looking for these days, but when I was dating, "caregiving" was the last thing on my mind.
With that in mind, I would imaging that an Old woman looking at Old men, would want one who's got the scratch to hire his own darned caregiver when the need arises (and vice versa, while we're at it - same sauce for the goose and the gander, is my motto). Granted, that's a little hard to suss out on the first date, so you're back to "are we attracted/are we compatible" just like any other dating situation.
But what I'm reading here is a belief that women (including ones my friend might like) take one look at a fellow's age lines and think, "Oh, no! He'll have me washing his dishes, cleaning out his CPAP mask, and changing his diapers!" Why would women expect that from an otherwise attractive man, when they haven't even gotten to know him?
Because a LOT of men don't want to be alone as they get older. "What if I get sick, who will take care of me?". I had a married friend who was having an affair with a man, and one of his reasons for ending the relationship was he wasn't willing to be alone with no one to take care of him when he got sick, assuming he'd have issues as he got into his 60's and beyond. So he ends up with another woman and SHE'S the one who ended up having severe medical issues. He dumped her and is now with someone else.
So while the man may not overtly be looking for a "caregiver", that's what we'll end up being. To me, having been a caregiver for a parent for many years, I'm not willing to do that for a man at this age -- I'm sure I will have my own health issues soon enough and I don't want to deal with someone else's on top of it.
My brother is exactly the same way. My mom never worked a day in her life after she got married, kept the house so clean you could eat off the floors, cooked, did laundry, picked up the clothes on the floor, made the beds, asked how high when my dad said jump....my brother wants a wife like that too and can't figure out why he's not married.
I gave this hint to my brother: today those women are called M A I D S and they make more than you can afford to pay them!
Nicely said. I've been taught that, when dealing with other people, you must figure out what year they were born and understand that they formed most personality characteristics during the next five years or so. Then, think back at how the culture was at that time.
Your mother seems to have been doing what she felt she was doing the right thing in her marriage and was happy. Unfortunately, she didn't know that doing everything in the home, would give her son a false outlook on marriage when it was his time to marry.
For his sake, I'd give him more than a hint that its going to be hard to find a woman to marry who will be like his mother, from another generation. Remind him that nowadays women value a career and most likely MUST work, if a couple want to have a family of any size, from 2 on up, and live comfortably in this country.
OK, so as I thought, it's a prejudice/stereotype, which some women apply to all men of a certain age. Much as a man in his 50's once told me why he was interested in much younger women, despite being perfectly well aware of the possible issues with age differences: the women his own age were always (in his words) "bitter, and fat." There is always some accuracy in prejudices and stereotypes, of course.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Avalon08
So while the man may not overtly be looking for a "caregiver", that's what we'll end up being. To me, having been a caregiver for a parent for many years, I'm not willing to do that for a man at this age -- I'm sure I will have my own health issues soon enough and I don't want to deal with someone else's on top of it.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Generational Gap
