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I'm honestly surprised this thread got the legs and traction it did as it morphed from women finding men irrelevant, to open season on troglodyte males that have wrecked a woman's perception of male companionship, apparantly forever! Irrelevant and marriage are different topics, IMHO, but I see how one leads to the other. Not very complicated to understand IMHO, though I agree it is much harder to execute..
..if you had an unhappy marriage (s) you find men (women) too much trouble. If you had a domineering spouse (eiher way), you are finally free, and would rather pursue your own happiness. In general, men have always been more of a slave to the physical than the emotional than women. Both sexes have plenty of examples of being needy or dependent, which often breeds resentment. The dominant typically has less to complain about than the submissive, but by definition that is not a partnership in life. There are plenty of submissive men and women, that enjoy doing things to make their spouse happy, which typically only happens when the non submissive spouse provides the intellectual, emotional and often physical support the submissive person desires.
For example, my parents had an unhappy marriage, mainly that my mother was a bit of a $1ut, and a gambler, and my father more ignorant and simply had near zero ability to emotionally support her (or his kids), and had endured years of belittlement, so had withdrawn in to his own needs. But we don't choose are parents and I don't blame them for who they were, they were more a product of their upbringing. When they divorced in their 60s, my mother predictably went through a few boyfriends (and most of her setlement) for sex and fun, and my father predicably retreated in to his own little world of doing as he pleased without criticism. Neither was lonely in their own definitions, and my mom never found men irrelevant, but marriage was never even a remote consideration, and still isn't for my father (mom has passed away, thanks to her vices at, 68). But he found himself persued by a few women, mainly for financial stability and hes not even remotely well off, just comfortable, and they predictably didn't last long once the obvious reared its ugly head. Until one woman, happily married for many years and then widowed by cancer, took the time to gently teach him that not all people are looking to take advantage of you or control you, and companionship is so much better when it's a two way street. He's been living with his "girlfriend" now for 2 years, both in their mid 70s, and she has done more for him and his happiness and emotional turnaround than I ever thought possible. She is MUCH better off financially than he is, and they keep finances separate, but he actually sold his house and moved in with her. I scarcely recognize the person he has become thanks to her, and she certainly seems very happy to have a good man back in her life after being alone for 5 years.
My point is, people are wildly different and until the right person comes along, which unfortunately may be never, discord, disgust, and unhappiness are often the result for trying to force fit a marriage "just because we are married", so the alternative is far better. Both my wife and myself had two previous marriages and both of us were the enders because we both held the deep belief that life is too short to be unhappy, and you have to take control of your own life and be responsible for your own happiness. Only you can decide if that includes another in your life or not. We've been happy together for over 20 years now, and our longest running joke is how there is NO way we have been together this long, because compared to our unhappy marriages, where it seemed like a prison sentence lasting forever, these last 20 have flown by. Not that everyday is champagne and roses, but overall, we still hold hands when we walk, laugh and kiss in public, and are happy together. And we both agree it is WAY too much work to find the right person, and would prefer that neither one dies before the other.
But we actually do have our own interests and hobbies, some the same. But most totally different, and both of us let the other do their own thing when we need or want to. We both wish we had more of the same interests, but I can't stand interior design and she can't stand working on cars or sports.
Nice to see some insightful intelligence (not that you are the first poster to display it in this thread), as the thinly disguised gender bashing (some of it not disguised at all) gets old quickly.
Nice to see some insightful intelligence (not that you are the first poster to display it in this thread), as the thinly disguised gender bashing (some of it not disguised at all) gets old quickly.
Oh there was gender bashing in the man hair thread sort of, so it's all good!
If you do not live in 55+ or senior housing, I didn't know such a thing exists.
I live in a town of about100k and there are several churches that have them, a huge widow/widower support group that has smaller groups within and 2 senior citizen centers that have single groups just off the top of my head. I am sure there are others.
Nice to see some insightful intelligence (not that you are the first poster to display it in this thread), as the thinly disguised gender bashing (some of it not disguised at all) gets old quickly.
Just because woman want the men to "do their fair share" of chores and spoke up about it doesn't mean it's gender bashing. It's simply making a statement about their experiences. Geez. If men did their fair share of chores this wouldn't even be a topic or considered when thinking about dating again.
Just because woman want the men to "do their fair share" of chores and spoke up about it doesn't mean it's gender bashing. It's simply making a statement about their experiences. Geez. If men did their fair share of chores this wouldn't even be a topic or considered when thinking about dating again.
Straw man argument. I didn't say women wanting men to do their fair share of chores was gender bashing.
I live in a town of about100k and there are several churches that have them, a huge widow/widower support group that has smaller groups within and 2 senior citizen centers that have single groups just off the top of my head. I am sure there are others.
Just about any Parks & Rec program will have activities geared for seniors and all senior citizens centers do, of course. Many colleges and universities have programs for seniors. Some call them Emeritus Universities or Universities of the Third Age.
Not everyone is single, but plenty are. And it is a good way to find friends, regardless of gender, with similar interests.
It may be that it isn't that older women find men irrelevant, it may be that they find marriage irrelevant and want to spend their remaining years on other endeavors.
When I think of the older women I know who live alone, I think of homes with comfy sofas, plates of cookies and corners filled with half-knitted baby afghans and stacks of books and magazines.
When I think of the older men I know who live alone, I think of dusty places with a worn-out recliner plunked in front of a TV and stacks of pizza and microwaved meal boxes stacked in a corner.
Now I'm sure there are tons of older men living in clean, nicely decorated homes as well as no end of older women surrounded by decades of debris with cats wandering all over everything.
But in general, that seems what I recall from visiting older relatives over the years.
It could be that the business of creating a home often requires a man in the early years but not so much in the later years.
When I think of the older women I know who live alone, I think of homes with comfy sofas, plates of cookies and corners filled with half-knitted baby afghans and stacks of books and magazines.
When I think of the older men I know who live alone, I think of dusty places with a worn-out recliner plunked in front of a TV and stacks of pizza and microwaved meal boxes stacked in a corner.
Now I'm sure there are tons of older men living in clean, nicely decorated homes as well as no end of older women surrounded by decades of debris with cats wandering all over everything.
But in general, that seems what I recall from visiting older relatives over the years.
It could be that the business of creating a home often requires a man in the early years but not so much in the later years.
I was talking to an older relative who complained about his wife buying something for the house. They could easily afford it and she was good with money, their house was nicely decorated and well kept.
I explained to him, a woman makes her home her castle and wants to enjoy being home. If she had depression furniture (he would have been happy) and it was all messy, she wouldn't like it. He thought for a short time and said you know, you're right and I like our castle too.
Both my wife and myself had two previous marriages and both of us were the enders because we both held the deep belief that life is too short to be unhappy, and you have to take control of your own life and be responsible for your own happiness. Only you can decide if that includes another in your life or not. We've been happy together for over 20 years now, and our longest running joke is how there is NO way we have been together this long, because compared to our unhappy marriages, where it seemed like a prison sentence lasting forever, these last 20 have flown by. Not that everyday is champagne and roses, but overall, we still hold hands when we walk, laugh and kiss in public, and are happy together.
This is encouraging to me.
How close were you to the age of the OP when you met your present wife? How did you meet? What was your courtship like? Maybe you'd have some tips for the OP.
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