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I just went to purchase the $2.50 DVD or the $4.45 DVD of the UK film "The Mother" on Amazon.com......and both copies have been snapped up by other purchasers within the last half hour!
Besides the affair between a woman in her 60's and a much younger man, the film explores in an excellent way aging and emotions surrounding aging.
This thread has been very insightful, thought provoking and full of good humor too
Id like to echo your sentiments, and also the rest of your interesting post. Every once in a while, someone opens a thread on CD that hits home to very many of us. This has been a fascinating few days following this subject being discussed.
I saw on the telly news this morning, that suicide is the biggest cause of death in the UK of men under the age of 35. One of the given reasons is that men don't know what their place in society is anymore.
So we've got that, and the older guys reading in threads like this, we are irrelevant.......... it's a pretty rocky road for the men of today I guess.
Luckily for me, I don't care if women think I am irrelevant or not, but for many, it matters for sure. I say this, acknowledging many women on this thread have said they don't believe men are irrelevant.
Last edited by English Dave; 11-02-2015 at 05:04 AM..
I think it goes both ways. So many of the older men are not interested in the women their age either.
It is good to learn to be satisfied with our own company sometimes. Being alone, is not always about being lonely. I spent over 7 years as a young bride by myself, as the ex was deployed 10 months of every year.
Those learned lessons can still be applied to middle and old age.
We don't always have to have a "Significant Other" to feel "complete".
I believe everyone is in flux and no longer 'knows' or even has, a defined place - although historically we all did for modeling. That is challenging for the times, and while I think it is more difficult for men, it is no walk in the park for women either Add to that, we US boomers are the first generation going into retirement without the cushion of pensions and the sword of Damocles dangling over Social Security as well. I kid with everyone that I will be the oldest Walmart greeter around one day! It is really though, not a kidding thought.
Someone way back in the thread mentioned 'rich widows', which I think is a thing of movies and past generations. I know some comfortable widows that don't worry about the basics, and they are usually older, have paid for homes - and they inherited pensions as their husbands died. Some have outlived more than one husband. But in my age group, most widows are not that way. Not only did our spouses lack long-term job options and the pension-type world, we also lived in the times where two incomes were the norm and the debt burden that goes with that. In my case, my husband had just transitioned to a contract position so that we could live remotely and carve out a farmstead, and I was the primary breadwinner. However, I had been laid off for a while and was just rehired again in the year he died. We opted not to add him to the insurance in order to catch up on our bills that we were adjusting for from the layoff and his downward shift in bring home pay, planning to add him back on in November at enrollment. He died in August of sudden cardiac arrest. So I've struggled these last few years and just now feel my toes on the soft bottom. I lost the option to live in the home I managed to purchase after his death with some tiny savings when I was again laid off, this time for a longer period. When re-hired, it required relocation. Although I managed to sell the home on a land contract, it is no longer my forever home and I always must keep an eye on it as a potential thing I might have to pay on, particularly since the couple that bought it is now also a widow, her husband dying just over a year into the contract. The realities of unexpected widowhood are really quite uglier than most people realize, particularly if the relationship was not a frugal one and was carried by two incomes and the consumeristic mindset. I often encourage my married male friends to ensure that their wives have the room to at least consider their options, rather than being positioned to struggle and be pressured in decision-making due to lack of breathing room.
Could I have relied more on family and had an easier time? Possibly, although that's not in my stubborn nature, lol!
Instead of relationships being positioned as the provider of all things to keep one in a swoon through 30-40-50 or so years, I feel if they had been explained as the 'home base' for your and your partner's personal growth, and the work behind successful ones emphasized, we might all be better off. There are a lot of bitter men and women out there, burned badly by bad experiences, sometimes more than one bad experience. It makes for an edgy, suspicious, and solitary arrangement for many - the only safe option they feel that they have. That, in my opinion, that is what is sad.
Hmmm, it is interesting that so many posters (largely men, it seems) see only the word "irrelevant" in the posts above without placing it into the context of the post. Many, myself included, have said that they are open to (even if not actively seeking) a significant other. the irrelevant part comes largely when the potential mate wants someone to cook, clean, and wait on them.
If a man is truly seeking a fulfilling relationship with a woman, I doubt he will have a hard time finding it. However, many if not most women of all ages these days expect a partnered relationship with full sharing of chores, finances, and intimacy.
Every age is fraught with difficulty in finding someone suitable to share one's life with, but there are many many good men and women out there seeking the same thing you are. It doesn't come easily for anyone, and unfortunately often necessitates wading through a whole pond of frogs in order to find the one who makes your heart sing.
That said, if what you are doing isn't working, then reevaluate- how are you presenting yourself? What sort of woman/man are you looking for? If you are a man looking for a self-respecting intelligent woman who likes to read, garden, and cook (for instance), then ask yourself what sort of man you need to be in order to attract a woman with those qualities.
I read a lot of doom and gloom in many posts, sometimes explicitly stating the fear the poster will be alone for the rest of their life. That isn't necessarily the case by any means, and I question why, when so many women have been so clear on their expectations- that they don't want a relationship that means cooking, cleaning, and caring for someone else- that men are interpreting that as they will be alone for the remainder of their life. However, if you are a man who is looking for a cook, housekeeper, and health aid, then you may very well have to resign yourself to either settling or a life alone. I would hope that in 2015 most if not all men would want more from a significant other.
I applaud the many men and women who have posted here who have developed good solid relationships with their mates. Clearly you have all done the hard work necessary to get to that point and are seeing the benefits of a mutually shared partnership. Congratulations to all of you.
I question why, when so many women have been so clear on their expectations- that they don't want a relationship that means cooking, cleaning, and caring for someone else- that men are interpreting that as they will be alone for the remainder of their life.
They could be interpreting it that way because they want a woman who will do the cooking, cleaning and caregiving and when woman make it clear that's not what they want the men are not interested hence they'll be alone. It's funny that some men think that a woman cooking and cleaning while he is snoozing on the couch or playing is anyone's dream boat.
They could be interpreting it that way because they want a woman who will do the cooking, cleaning and caregiving and when woman make it clear that's not what they want the men are not interested hence they'll be alone. It's funny that some men think that a woman cooking and cleaning while he is snoozing on the couch or playing is anyone's dream boat.
That very issue came up yesterday. DH, for some reason, seems to feel that I absolutely LOVE to wash his vehicle. I told him I no more LOVE to do that than I LOVE to wash dishes and do laundry. I do them, BECAUSE they need to be done.
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