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Well, I've always been optimistic! I figured that just because one didn't work out another one might. Unfortunately I was never able to predict the future so how'd I know they'd turn out to be the way they did? I even waited two years before I consented to marry the last one just TO BE SURE. So I figured if I couldn't make ONE last I might as well give up. I'm happier for it.
This thread has been very insightful, thought provoking and full of good humor too It has been a long time since I've been back here to CD to post, although I read a lot while I am trying to determine where to buy in the future.
I feel for the person the OP relates about, but so many times what we perceive is based on what we're putting out there as well.
As an early and unexpected widow (he died at 40, I was 47) everyone apparently thought I would remarry and fairly soon. And honestly, had anyone asked, I would never have considered that I'd be six years down the road and still alone, prior to his death. My mother is still quite worried I won't 'find someone', and my children are ambivalent, concerned mostly with my happiness as opposed to my partnership status.
Maybe I felt I'd always be married because I'd never been happily alone before, having responsibility for no one but myself, since I was twenty years old. I'd never experienced mature self-determination, and living life on the terms that brought me satisfaction. Is it selfishness? Maybe; I've not quite figured that out yet. But watching my mother make a marriage due to financial necessity that isn't turning out to be the best for her or him, has been a very cautionary tale. I think I'd rather live really small and with my sanity intact than marry for the sake of achieving perceived fiscal security.
I've met some nice men, and some very not-so-nice men. Dating is unpleasant for me and feels very forced. I'll try it for a while via dating sites and then I drop it from my life as too stressful. I'd prefer to do things like hike, go kayaking, ride bikes, go camping, etc., than meeting at a restaurant or such. I like a nice meal and love to dance, but it doesn't seem terribly relevant to the lifestyle I primarily lead and want to lead in the future. Some of my friends and I say "I'd like to just skip the awkward dating thing and just have a relationship" - but we all know it does not happen that way. Instead of dating, I'm trying to carve out the time from work and familial commitments and to join groups that focus on shared interests instead of dating, so that perhaps something might happen naturally borne from friendship and shared experiences. Women outnumber men in the majority of these groups despite them being very outdoor lifestyle focused. If it doesn't happen, I guess it just doesn't. In the interim, I will continue paying off my debt so that I can exit the game early and go back and play in the woods.
Right now, I live in a 55+ community although I'm not 55 yet. Most of my acquaintances are much older than I am - and they are vibrant, alert, active and thriving people. The women do well, as has been said here, by themselves. The men, of which there are few singletons, don't appear to do so well, particularly the widowers. I have dated men as much as fifteen years older, as we had shared interests: self-sufficiency, primitive and off-grid living, gardening and hunting, a more simplistic lifestyle outside of the city arena. Health issues were pretty big though, and I thought long and hard about what that would be like, caring for someone where we'd not had a lot of time to develop the elasticity needed for compassion, caring and sacrifice (on either parties part). For the right person, I think it could be done. But it would need to be an incredibly well-matched pairing that brought a lot of emotional and psychological support for both in order to work, to create the depth of caring required.
In both men and women, I believe many seek younger partners because of the youthfulness they bring to the table, maybe more joi de vivre and liveliness? As for post-menopausal intimacy and sensuality, it is alive and well for many women, sans medical hormone therapy. I do feel that women are more aware of what we want in and out of bed, and that the emotional depth of a relationship enhances intimacy in ways that, if you have not known that, cannot really be explained. As has been said, sex can be had just about anytime for nearly anyone, male or female, if all they want is to boink with no strings. Five minutes on the personals on CL will assure you of that, and sometimes within the next fifteen minutes if you're near a large city, lol! I need to know I really like someone outside of the bedroom first. As an aside, many of the men in their 50's that I know as friends state they no longer have an interest in sex (married or single), which is puzzling to me. And we're not discussing sex with me, so I don't think it is that I think they are simply tired, just like many women are today.
I hope the OP's reference examines himself, what he's projecting, identifies what he truly seeks (maybe he doesn't even know yet), and that he is successful in first becoming happy with himself, and then, in finding complementary happiness with someone else.
(if the link above is vacant of words, type film "The Mother" using quotes and the word film into wikipedia)
If you happen to be a Prime Amazon.com member, you can watch it for free on your computer or iPad. Or you can purchase a used copy for as little as $2.02 to $8.00 on Amazon.com.
A plain and average-looking woman in her 60's has an affair with actor Daniel Craig who is 25 years or more younger than she is. But it is much more than that, it shows emotions surrounding it and explores possibilities, psychology, real humanity.
I saw this film years ago. It is a thought provoking movie for sure. It stars the fabulous Anne Reid, who is very well known in England, and the future James Bond. Wasn't she the lucky girl?..........
(if the link above is vacant of words, type film "The Mother" using quotes and the word film into wikipedia)
If you happen to be a Prime Amazon.com member, you can watch it for free on your computer or iPad. Or you can purchase a used copy for as little as $2.02 to $8.00 on Amazon.com.
A plain and average-looking woman in her 60's has an affair with actor Daniel Craig who is 25 years or more younger than she is. But it is much more than that, it shows emotions surrounding it and explores possibilities, psychology, real humanity.
My amazon Prime doesn't seem to
show it as an option ???
Earlier today the UK film "The Mother" was available for people subscribing to Kindle Unlimited on Amazon.com. And then earlier than today, it was available for Amazon Prime members because I had it on my Amazon Prime Watchlist in order to watch it a second time.
oh, English Dave posted the trailer, not the whole film. I recently found that there are actually whole 90 minute and 2 hour films on youtube.com so that's what I thought he posted.
Maybe you'd like the film called Gloria, made in Chile in 2014, subtitles. I think it has a similar theme. If not, still sounds interesting. It is available for Amazon Prime members right now as I have it on my Amazon Prime Watchlist.
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It has been a long time since I've been back here to CD to post, although I read a lot while I am trying to determine where to buy in the future.
I think they are simply tired, just like many women are today.
