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We talk a lot but perhaps not as much as we should. Our retirement is full of challenges - DW has a lot of recent health issues and we spend a lot of time talking about those. We also have a big place (2 acres - we had, and still have, dreams of big garden, fruit trees, etc.) which is constant work so we talk about that a lot. And we talk about politics a lot. Both of us are quite depressed about where the country is going so we commiserate over that. We do different things (I surf, DW paints) so we share our daily experiences over an evening cocktail. In one sense we have separate lives but we also try to do things together so we talk as we plan and cook dinner, go to Home Depot, or plan the garden.
We have been together 35 years, but only married 20 years. Relationships are interesting, how they evolve as you get older. There are challenges but we seem to be rolling along OK into old age.
He's not a talker. I am. When we talk it's about health, our four kids, grandkids, a mutual client, computer problems, what to do today or tomorrow, and what we hear on NPR, etc. Nothing earth shaking. Since retirement our arguments have taken on a philosophical and sometimes political tone.
We are as mismatched in many ways as we were when we were 20, but it's been 48 years so what the heck. We tried separation for a short time and we missed what we used to have, though not the marriage made in heaven. By the time you've been nearly five decades with a person, if you haven't made peace yet it'll never happen.
Here is more. My husband has been a consummate reader since he retired, when he found something interest and funny he would share. And we both laugh about it or discuss or debate. Luckily this year our politics are the same.
For example, he shared that Saudi Arabia is changing to use the Gregorian calendar instead of the Islamic calendar, stuff he read from the Economist. Then he proceeded to share there are a few countries with different calendar, like Japan is at year 28 or something small like that.
Last edited by NewbieHere; 12-18-2016 at 09:30 AM..
I still talk to my spouse even though he has been dead almost 7 years. It works great. I no longer irritate him. His input is about the same.
Very sorry for your loss, but your comment is amusing. This is an interesting thread. I work in an optical and I see long time married couples come in all the time with very different communication styles. Usually it's the wife choosing frames, but sometimes it's the husband. Time married ranges from 3 months to 60+ years, but I'll comment on those married more than 25.
WIFE: Honey, What do you think of this brown one?
HUSBAND: Looks great, Dear.
(2nd frame). WIFE: Honey, what do you think of this red one?
HUSBAND: I like the other one better, but they both look good. Etc. . .
Note the lack of outright criticism
Often wives come in by themselves and just choose frames on their own. And sometimes the husband just sits at the desk, says nothing, and the wife chooses the frames based on her and my opinions.
When the husband comes in alone, he rarely buys frames on his own. He chooses a few he likes, tells me he has to check with the boss, and either has his wife come in and approve them, or he takes selfies and chooses based on her input via text/call. He reasons that the wife is the one who will be looking at his face, not him, and since he wants to stay married, she has to like his choice of eyewear I have yet to see a wife fail to give her opinion to her husband when he needed glasses.
Very sorry for your loss, but your comment is amusing. This is an interesting thread. I work in an optical and I see long time married couples come in all the time with very different communication styles. Usually it's the wife choosing frames, but sometimes it's the husband. Time married ranges from 3 months to 60+ years, but I'll comment on those married more than 25.
WIFE: Honey, What do you think of this brown one?
HUSBAND: Looks great, Dear.
(2nd frame). WIFE: Honey, what do you think of this red one?
HUSBAND: I like the other one better, but they both look good. Etc. . .
Note the lack of outright criticism
Often wives come in by themselves and just choose frames on their own. And sometimes the husband just sits at the desk, says nothing, and the wife chooses the frames based on her and my opinions.
When the husband comes in alone, he rarely buys frames on his own. He chooses a few he likes, tells me he has to check with the boss, and either has his wife come in and approve them, or he takes selfies and chooses based on her input via text/call. He reasons that the wife is the one who will be looking at his face, not him, and since he wants to stay married, she has to like his choice of eyewear I have yet to see a wife fail to give her opinion to her husband when he needed glasses.
Haha, it doesn't work in our household. I can attest that my husband picked his frame and it was not the one I liked recently at Costco. I think you give wives too much credit.
How much conversation do you have with your spouse over a day? Is it enough, too much, just right?
We talk to each other often and more so in my retirement. Our long conversations usually take place during our daily walk/hike or meal times.
We have a lot in common and do many things together but not joined at the hip. We hike, fly, work on the house, go to concerts or watch movies together. Rowing is a key part of my life. Videography, film making, nature forums and reading are his interests. After rowing, I tell him about my experience, nature observations on the river. He tells me about interesting things discussed at his forums, and the books which he is reading.
IMO, it's perfectly fine when a couple have separate interests, activities. We are just very lucky to share many things in common to start with. Over the years, we have also adapted or become more appreciative of each other's interests. My husband joined our rowing club and dabbles a bit in rowing but spends most of his time on the river driving the launch, taking pictures and videos. I helped him with making slideshows and producing DVDs. My husband had influenced me to become more interested in movies. Since my retirement a year ago, we have researched and watched many movies together focusing on one director at a time. Movie watching is a lot more enjoyable when you can learn about a director's style and movie making philosophy WITH a discussion buddy. He also got me to become a bit of a wine connoisseur. It is great fun to focus on the wines of a country after each trip.
Based on my experience, I think that how much conversation that you have with your spouse in a day depends on how much that you have in common. The more things that you do and enjoy together, the more that you have to talk and discuss with each other. The amount of conversations is just right when you enjoy them.
Heck, my husband (married almost 40 years & best friends for 48 years) has dementia and a Traumatic Brain Injury and sometimes does not recognize me and it still appears like we have more meaningful conversations than most of the people who posted. Sometimes we just talk about day to day stuff, food, weather, errands, etc. Or we talk about our family and grandkids. Other times we discuss articles that we read in the newspaper or magazines. And, we often reminisce about activities that we did in the past, it does not matter if hubby is not quite sure if it happen yesterday or ten or thirty years ago.
But, if the amount of conversation that you have with your spouse is enough for the two of you then it is OK.
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