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I think it's a natural human inclination to wonder "what if" every now and then. That and regrets are two things I try to take in small doses as those moody reveries don't seem to be productive to increased contentment for me.
It's my life and those were my choices so it's up to me to make the readjustments when they don't suit me. It helps to stop and count the blessings now and then. In fact, anything I can do to grow spiritually seems to bring more satisfaction than the things I have or am free of.
Going on my fifty-first year of marriage officially makes me one of those "we" people but I've learned through the years that it was also important to be an "I." And there are days my "we-ness" probably is more problematic than your "I-ness." If that helps any.
There are times it occurs to me that the more you have in your life to love the more loss you may face. Isn't that a paradox!
Anyway, you certainly aren't alone in wondering about these things. I've been waiting all my life to reach at least one fork in the road which is clearly marked, "Take This Path." Hasn't happened yet.
Albert Schweitzer is author of my motto - "All work that is worth doing is done in faith."
Anytime I start thinking about it I make sure to insert "if it's your will for me" in a prayer to God.
NYgal1542, your OP and the responses from other single women really struck a chord with me tonight. I just turned 66 yesterday, and I'm grateful to have reached this age...I am really hoping to live to be 100, because it seems there is just so much left that I want to see, do and experience. However, I believe that I have "wasted the pretty" and don't hold out much hope for finding a companion anymore.
I have been divorced for 35 years now. at the age of 31. In my 30s, which was I guess my peak physical age looks-wise and energy-wise, younger men ... MUCH younger guys...were drawn to me and there was a time when I would say, "If he asked me out, he must be 19"...I'm not kidding...I got carded a lot in those days, and really enjoyed dating younger guys. I also dated a few men closer to my age, but generally they were at least 10 years younger...
But I did all that to try to forget a young man who came into my life when I was 33 and he was, forgive me for the cliche, my soul mate. It actually seemed that we had known each other "before"...Fast forward and I intentionally went my way and wanted him to live his young life ... which he did...he married and divorced with a young child he raised, and since 2004 or so has been with, and finally married, a woman younger than him who has given him a great life, and two additional little daughters. They seem to have a wonderful and happy life and because I have always loved him, I am happy for him. (I only know what I have learned from Facebook, sad to say). But . . .
I compared every man I met to him, and no one came close. I stopped dating anyone before the new century even began and have not been in a social situation with a man since then. I always enjoyed my individuality, but, as you say, it seems it would be so nice to have a companion to do things with, to laugh with, to just be with. And alternatively, one of your responders said something so poignant and true, and that is that when you have something late in life, you know you are going to lose it too...
I am rambling to say I relate to you, and I see both sides of the coin. I have gone on Match.com and I get so depressed I feel suicidal (not really, but just horrified at what I see there). I think men my age scare me, and I don't want to be involved with someone who would criticize, judge me or expect me to wait on him.
Anyway, I don't know the answer...at this age, I don't feel that I could attract a man, and I am not attracted to most of them (unless Sam Elliott or Peter Coyote shows up)...so, I don't know what to do. I guess what everyone has said, it's best to just live one's life, show up for things and see where it takes you. I wish you the very best; in fact I wish us all the best and that we are able to accept whatever is "His will" for us at this point in life.
There isn't anyone out there who has managed to become ancient without some baggage! A friend of mine says almost daily she won't be a nurse or a purse! And I found a lot of the people out there looking are very needy. Women who never handled money and men who can't do their own laundry or pick up after themselves.
That said, there is nothing wrong with having some fun and seeing what's out there. I found one!
OP have you ever thought of joining a group in a Senior Center near you or moving to a retirement community with a lot of amenities. You'd meet all types of people with similar interests, have fun things to do, and not have to hook up with anyone unless you want to.
Well .. imagine the most fun thing you can do. Now ... imagine you will only have the opportunity to do it one time ... ever. You would probably make the the most of it.
There isn't anyone out there who has managed to become ancient without some baggage! A friend of mine says almost daily she won't be a nurse or a purse! And I found a lot of the people out there looking are very needy. Women who never handled money and men who can't do their own laundry or pick up after themselves.
That said, there is nothing wrong with having some fun and seeing what's out there. I found one!
There have been several previous threads about this topic.
Result: Most older people who become single prefer to stay that way. Most are fearful of becoming a caretaker. Most enjoy being able to make all their own decisions.
So, join a group. Perhaps an over 55 community or even a nouveau Hippy Commune.
Past a certain age the family of the partners or husband and wife who marry late in life can become a problem. My SIL was with an older man who had a little money for over 15 years. She missed out on her grandkids lives some because she wintered in Florida. They were not his kids and were not treated as family by him so she did not get to see them often. His own children though started acting differently with the SIL as his health started failing. They became rude because they assumed she would inherit or be given part of their inheritence. She left him last year because she decided she didn't want to be the free care giver to an old man as he started going down and to have his kids being so cruel to her. She does not want to be around for the fight over his money.
She is much happier as a single, living close to her son, and really getting to know her 3 grandkids.
I've been alone now for about 20 years & at first I missed the companionship. But, as the years passed I came to love & treasure my alone time. Now I could not even foresee giving that up for another person.
I do have friends I do things with though. Other women, some married, some not. For me it's become a pleasant way of life.
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