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I think some of the assumptions in the responses are incorrect. The challenges childless people face go beyond not having a child to take care of them. As many have mentioned, having a child is no guarantee of that, neither would many want to saddle the children with the responsibility of care. In addition, there are no guarantees in life anyway. But, there are challenges that go beyond that.
Speaking for ourselves, we have no children and, because we are first-generation immigrants, no trusted relatives located in the USA. The good news is that we expect to be able to afford good quality third-party provided care. But, there are areas of concern. My wife's family has some history of dementia in advanced age. If she is the surviving spouse (statistically a good chance), she might end up needing a guardian who will be able to take important life and financial decisions for her late in life. I am sure such services exist, but so do the potential for abuse - particularly when there is no one to oversee the decisions. Children and close relatives can fulfill that void - even when they are not providing the actual care.
I think some of the assumptions in the responses are incorrect. The challenges childless people face go beyond not having a child to take care of them. As many have mentioned, having a child is no guarantee of that, neither would many want to saddle the children with the responsibility of care. In addition, there are no guarantees in life anyway. But, there are challenges that go beyond that.
Speaking for ourselves, we have no children and, because we are first-generation immigrants, no trusted relatives located in the USA. The good news is that we expect to be able to afford good quality third-party provided care. But, there are areas of concern. My wife's family has some history of dementia in advanced age. If she is the surviving spouse (statistically a good chance), she might end up needing a guardian who will be able to take important life and financial decisions for her late in life. I am sure such services exist, but so do the potential for abuse - particularly when there is no one to oversee the decisions. Children and close relatives can fulfill that void - even when they are not providing the actual care.
If you have no close friends or family whom you can trust, it's a roll of the dice to an extent.
I am always amazed when people assume a child will care for a parent.
If you have had kids or are having kids just for the purpose of "them looking atfter you in old age", then you should not have had them or should not have them.
That amounts to child abuse just as much as a kid can be blamed for elder abuse for not caring for a parent.
Each of us should make plans that should cover ypurself without burdening your kids.
I font don't have kids both by choice and in that it never happened anyway, but i would never assume that a child of mine should look after us in older age.
YOU choose to bring a child into the world so it is your duty to care for them until they are grown. Used to be a century ago that kids were put out to work to earn their keep.
We stay in this frigid north area to look after FIL and father, as WE decided its a duty we wish to bear. But FIL with dementia has tge right to refuse services, does so, and shoukd be in a home but hes got enough of a mind to say no, and they have to abide his wishes. He wont get near enough to a doctor to be evaluated and forced into a home, and has stopped all medications and has stopped eating mostly. He wants nothing more but to die. Elder services told us we are actually enabling him to continue bad behavior, so to stop coddling him. We have.
But we are TRYING by OUR choice, not by being forced into it.
My father has already said he goes to a home if he gets too bad physically or mentally. He would not saddle us with the burden of his care. Smart man.
When we, as a childless couple get to a certain age where we both will be questionable, we will by then have set up a trust and an administrative staff to handle things should we get to a dangerous point.
No should expect undying tender loving care from a child just because you birthed them. Nor should any agency force a child or any family member to do so.
And judging by many comments on here many of you have kids who cannot stand alone or are ingrates anyway.
Do you really think they will suddenly grow up and be self responsible enough to be responsible for you and your care too just because or when you need it???
In most cases, yes a child will look out for a parent. People are busy working jobs and caring for their own children (if they have them) so they are generally not providing 24/7 full-time care - nor should they be, nurses or specially-trained staff who deal with dementia/strokes or whatever it might be will do that - however children do keep an eagle eye on the care being given to their parents and deal with all the paperwork - that's what I have seen.
Most situations I'm referring to are "normal" relationship families. However last month my good friend's father had a stroke (her mother is not alive). Her family was not the norm growing up. Her parents had six children but did not raise any of them. One was adopted to a family member and the rest put into various foster homes - they did see their father occasionally throughout the years. He is a pleasant man actually and did attend my friend's wedding (a long time ago now) - my point is there were some relationships maintained but not close. Anyway, do you know that ALL the children have rallied around this man - including the now-grown grandchildren. I don't know what he would have done without them. They have organized all his financial assistance which was lots of paperwork (he's broke), cleaned out his apartment and dealt with the property managers, met with the doctor, researched the best potential nursing care place and visit him in the hospital all the time, take him outside in wheelchair, feed him, make him ice slushy drinks (he's not swallowing well). I told my friend he really is one lucky man!
Hopefully those without children will also have the support they need - it will all be okay. I just keep reading that "children are no guarantee of taking care of you" etc. etc. I wouldn't expect a child to literally be a nurse maid but they will look out for you, they love you - in most cases.
I won't bore everyone with the details, but myself and my sister took care of our parents in their old age. It was incredibly stressful, and toward the end each day was worse than the day before. Nobody has a clue how to do it when care giving is suddenly their job. I don't know the answer here. But after what I saw and went through, hope in your senior years you are able to function mentally and physically fairly well. And then that your passing is sudden and painless.
In most cases, yes a child will look out for a parent. People are busy working jobs and caring for their own children (if they have them) so they are generally not providing 24/7 full-time care - nor should they be, nurses or specially-trained staff who deal with dementia/strokes or whatever it might be will do that - however children do keep an eagle eye on the care being given to their parents and deal with all the paperwork - that's what I have seen.
Most situations I'm referring to are "normal" relationship families. However last month my good friend's father had a stroke (her mother is not alive). Her family was not the norm growing up. Her parents had six children but did not raise any of them. One was adopted to a family member and the rest put into various foster homes - they did see their father occasionally throughout the years. He is a pleasant man actually and did attend my friend's wedding (a long time ago now) - my point is there were some relationships maintained but not close. Anyway, do you know that ALL the children have rallied around this man - including the now-grown grandchildren. I don't know what he would have done without them. They have organized all his financial assistance which was lots of paperwork (he's broke), cleaned out his apartment and dealt with the property managers, met with the doctor, researched the best potential nursing care place and visit him in the hospital all the time, take him outside in wheelchair, feed him, make him ice slushy drinks (he's not swallowing well). I told my friend he really is one lucky man!
Hopefully those without children will also have the support they need - it will all be okay. I just keep reading that "children are no guarantee of taking care of you" etc. etc. I wouldn't expect a child to literally be a nurse maid but they will look out for you, they love you - in most cases.
Do you have statistics on this? My anecdotal evidence says otherwise and comes from my living in a senior housing facility. What exactly does “taking care of” mean to you? Medical needs, financial, companionship? People are not born with guarantees. Kids aren’t always in a position to take care of their parents along one or all of these lines
Hopefully, those with children will have the support they need when the time comes they need it. Still, Not to have a plan for one’s needs in later years other than expecting their kids to take care of them is foolish.
Do you have statistics on this? My anecdotal evidence says otherwise and comes from my living in a senior housing facility. What exactly does “taking care of” mean to you? Medical needs, financial, companionship? People are not born with guarantees. Kids aren’t always in a position to take care of their parents along one or all of these lines
Hopefully, those with children will have the support they need when the time comes they need it. Still, Not to have a plan for one’s needs in later years other than expecting their kids to take care of them isfoolish.
My "anecdotal evidence" comes from everyone I know! I know of no-one that has not helped their parents!
In my post I outlined what "taking care of" means to me. I didn't mention companionship, but yes of course that's a part of it.
Disagree with your foolish statement. Parents are not expecting their children to be their nurse - as I outlined in my post above.
Normal functioning people don't abandoned their parents. They may not "be in a position" as you say, to provide certain things, but they will certainly help. Why are people so negative?
My "anecdotal evidence" comes from everyone I know! I know of no-one that has not helped their parents!
In my post I outlined what "taking care of" means to me. I didn't mention companionship, but yes of course that's a part of it.
Disagree with your foolish statement. Parents are not expecting their children to be their nurse - as I outlined in my post above.
Normal functioning people don't abandoned their parents. They may not "be in a position" as you say, to provide certain things, but they will certainly help. Why are people so negative?
Just because everyone you know does doesn't mean there are those who don't. "People" are not not being negative here. They are just stating facts based on those they know just as you are basing your opinions on those who you know.
Living in an Independent living senior complex that houses some 400 plus people and adding my mom's years in an assisted care facilities is where my conclusions come from.
If course couldn't know all residents in either of these places but it's the residents I do know and have heard of who need to ask for help on which my conclusions are based. They have kids but the kids are more often than not, not there for them.
So I will stick to my opinion of the need for everyone, with or without children should try and plan ahead for their future in their later years.
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Being a caregiver
