Dating scene for black women in Seattle? (Kent: construction, living in)

[415_s2k]

At the end of the day though, no one has to answer to anyone else for their dating preferences. If a woman won't feel comfortable being with a man unless he has credentials she sees security in, she doesn't have to explain her motivations to anyone else, because at the end of the day, it's only going to affect her and the person she's with. And ultimately, she'll attract the sort of person she's meant to have.

[vandygirl]

Originally Posted by 415_s2k

At the end of the day though, no one has to answer to anyone else for their dating preferences. If a woman won't feel comfortable being with a man unless he has credentials she sees security in, she doesn't have to explain her motivations to anyone else, because at the end of the day, it's only going to affect her and the person she's with. And ultimately, she'll attract the sort of person she's meant to have.

Well stated. And I'd just add that some women don't care so much about security when they are secure in their own lives, but they may still care about having a partner who comes from the same walk of life.

[ChiRaphael]

I understand that we live in totally different worlds.
I have a photography business in Chicago and meet models everyday. They are about 95% female and single. I don't know any SINGLE men in the professions you listed. Of course, I would probably notice more if I were looking for them.
Additionally, I am married to a professional woman who chose not to work in the family business. She now works 60 hrs. per week on avg. and is miserable. Our quality time is gone. We have much in common and I can relate to her pressures. But, I would prefer to "tug" on her anyday.

Originally Posted by vandygirl

You cannot convince me that there is the same number of male teachers, doctors, lawyers, judges, dentists and accountants as there is female models. Give me a break. Half of the men on walking around downtown in any city in America at 8 am are professionals. BTW, a man in a "government job" is probably a professional.

What you call "prejudice and stereotypes" I call having something in common with the person you're in a relationship with. Just the fact that a blue collar guy comes home with time on his hands is one more thing he does not have in common with a professional woman. What man who has plenty of time on his hands wants to come home to tug on a woman who's stuck in her home office until 11 at night? A professional man has the same pressures and schedule that she has. He might even be able to help her.

Can a guy who did not finish college have a conversation with a professional woman? Of course he can. Would he be interested in the same things she wants to talk about? Probably not. If he did not finish college out of his own choice, he probably is not nearly as interested in the kinds of topics she dedicated her life to mastering and promoting. Most likely she thinks on a high level all the time, even when she's "chilling with a beer." That can get very tiring to a guy who does not share that same level of enthusiasm. They will end up boring each other. He thinks she's uptight and can't relax. She thinks he doesn't care about what she has to say. In the end it doesn't work.

[vandygirl]

Originally Posted by ChiRaphael

I understand that we live in totally different worlds.
I have a photography business in Chicago and meet models everyday. They are about 95% female and single. I don't know any SINGLE men in the professions you listed. Of course, I would probably notice more if I were looking for them.
Additionally, I am married to a professional woman who chose not to work in the family business. She now works 60 hrs. per week on avg. and is miserable. Our quality time is gone. We have much in common and I can relate to her pressures. But, I would prefer to "tug" on her anyday.

If your wife is a professional and she does not just work with women, then she probably knows some professional men. It does not surprise me that you don't know any professional men. As you stated, you work with models, 95% of whom are women. I, on the other hand, do not know a single artistic man in this city, nor do I know any models. You're right. We do have completely different worlds.

It is nice that you have the patience to deal with your wife's work schedule. Your wife sounds fortunate.

[Calvin T]

I'm a black man from Chicago who moved to Seattle a few years back for work and now own my own funeral home (Seattle Renton Burien Cremation Funeral Home Serenity) in the area. Though I can't speak to a lot of the dating scene, I can tell you that demographically the black population is lower than many West Coast cities and the East Coast in general. There are many wonderful black churches in the area (many that I either have attended or often work with) and I am happy to help anyone find a church home in the area if you like. Just shoot me an email (calvin@serenitymemorialservices.com)

[Vripper]

Vandygirl,

As long as you're not passive-aggressive, you'll do better than 90% of the women in Seattle.

[415_s2k]

Originally Posted by Vripper

Vandygirl,

As long as you're not passive-aggressive, you'll do better than 90% of the women in Seattle.

But if you're just plain type-A/aggressive, you'll do worse than 90% of the passive-aggressive women in Seattle. When in Rome, do as the Romans do...

[Emerald in the Rough]

Sorry for coming late to the party, but after reading this thread and several just like it, I feel as though I have to say something on this topic. The dialog between the men and the women on this issue has brought out some good points, but at the same time not resolved any issues.

The issue is that on both sides of the spectrum, we have become so particular about what we want, that we are basically assuring that we will never get it. Everyone wants a good partner, but what we have done is basically give our prospective mate a checklist to compare his/herself to, and if that person does not meet our specs exactly to the letter, we eliminate them, or go even farther and eliminate a whole subclass of people.

I am a 30 year old black male living in seattle, born and raised in Atlanta, Georgia. I am not a professional male, however I am a quality control specialist for a Dairy Plant In-town and live a comfortable life, and have a house in South Seattle (Kent), no kids. and have been looking for a black woman of the same caliber and been hard pressed to find one.

Black men and women have become elitists among ourselves. If you want a professional man, that is o.k., but do not thing that only a professional can be a good husband and father. to quote a song " The strong survive and stay alive, they always do, but that they NEVER teach you in school. I work with my hands because I like it, And would rather not deal with the attitudes and egos of the "professional" environment. and I have a degree in Criminal Justice. ( I will have to double post because I am running out of space).

[Emerald in the Rough]

It is everyone's goal to find a mate that they are compatible with and can be proud of, but when we eliminate a whole section of people because of what they do, Then that makes us as black people no better than the racists who judge us. If we are going to be bigots, lets not be hypocrites too.

I hear a lot of the Black Men also say that they do not want a "hood rat". People can be rude and obnoxious no matter where they are from, and geography has nothing to do with personality. There are people who date interracially in this town, and I see no problem with that , but both sides, Black men and women, have only added fuel to the fire, By Black men complaining about black women and using that is justification for dating white, And Black women subconsciously taking their anger out on all Black men, claiming that we all want white, asian or latina women. I love my sisters and i want them to love me.

I may have veered slightly off topic, but for the black community, and more importantly, the black family, not to go the way of the bald eagle, we need to find a strong, loyal, powerful mate, Not just an attractive or professional one.

[vandygirl]

Originally Posted by Emerald in the Rough

It is everyone's goal to find a mate that they are compatible with and can be proud of, but when we eliminate a whole section of people because of what they do, Then that makes us as black people no better than the racists who judge us. If we are going to be bigots, lets not be hypocrites too.

I hear a lot of the Black Men also say that they do not want a "hood rat". People can be rude and obnoxious no matter where they are from, and geography has nothing to do with personality. There are people who date interracially in this town, and I see no problem with that , but both sides, Black men and women, have only added fuel to the fire, By Black men complaining about black women and using that is justification for dating white, And Black women subconsciously taking their anger out on all Black men, claiming that we all want white, asian or latina women. I love my sisters and i want them to love me.

I may have veered slightly off topic, but for the black community, and more importantly, the black family, not to go the way of the bald eagle, we need to find a strong, loyal, powerful mate, Not just an attractive or professional one.

As a black professional woman, I must admit that I am a little tired of the same old line that black professional women should consider dating the bus drivers, garbage collectors, leaf blowers, etc. or else they are being "elitist." If that is being elitist, then most women regardless of race would be guilty of being elitist. No parent really tells their daughters to go out and land a fry cook. Nothing is wrong with those men. I just don't see why our community insists that black women do not deserve partners who share the same walk of life.

I grew up in a predominantly white neighborhood, got accepted into one of America's best undergraduate schools, was an honor student, and got into a top tier law school, all WITHOUT affirmative action. I worked my butt off to get where I am today. I see nothing wrong with a professional having an ego. Who doesn't want to be the best at what they do?

The truth is that our community has splintered into separate groups. Professional black people don't even live in predominantly black neighborhoods. Our paths only cross on Sunday mornings in church when the wealthier black people drive to the rough side of town to spend a couple of hours once a week. Otherwise, we have very little in common other than skin tone. Maybe "the black family" in America will die out, but as only 12% of the population that is inevitable. Besides, let's not pretend that African Americans are 100% African. Over 90% of us are mixed with European and some of us are also Native American and Mexican.

Since I've been in Seattle I have had the opportunity to meet lots of other guys, not just black guys. These other guys are easy to relate to, attractive and fun to be with. I see no reason to limit myself to only 6% of the U.S. population that is comprised of black males. Besides, it's 2010. Everybody should date whoever they want.