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Old 12-08-2012, 06:04 PM
 
4,787 posts, read 8,757,843 times
Reputation: 12592

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You should not feel attacked because I was most certainly not attacking you. I was offering advice. The problem here is that you not looking for advice. You're looking for people to validate a decision you have already made.

The advice I was offering was to try to explain to you how to get ahead. When you have low wage earners, a family needs two people working. Getting ahead involves two people working and greater education. I gave you suggestions on how to do it.

The fact it's not the advice you want to hear has evidently ruffled your comfort zone. As for taking from the government, of course you will. You'll need Medicaid for your child, how else will there be health care

You'll need a free clinic supported by tax payer dollars for your own and your hubby's preventive health care and minor problems. And God forbid any of you are in a serious accident, etc.. Then it will be the emergency room and tens of thousands of dollars in medical debt that guess who will picking up because neither you nor your hubby will have the money to pay it off. This is not an attack, this is reality of what your life will be.

These services are there and they are there for a reason. The idea being, however, that while any of us may need them on occasion, hopefully we won't make a life style out of it. With some planning and hard work we should be able to get ourselves into decent jobs covered with some sort of insurance.

I'm done. You're very young, very naive and I suspect one of those people who is going to have to learn the facts of life the the very hard way. And yes, when you post on a random message board, don't expect everyone to stroke your ego. I certainly don't expect anyone to agree with me and don't take offense when they don't. We've all got our own opinions. That's what makes the world go round.
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Old 12-08-2012, 06:10 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,052 posts, read 37,695,377 times
Reputation: 73691
Quote:
Originally Posted by michellelasher View Post
Apparently this is turning from helping me into attacking me and Im sorry I ever trusted random people on the internet for advice when all I am trying to do is the right thing for my family. *********.
Michelle, that's the nature of the internet. You can't guarantee what kind of comments you will receive.

I hope you don't give up here because this forum is well managed, and I think you can get some great advice if you can weed through any personal attacks.

I do honestly believe that what folks have posted here is pretty appropriate. Of course we don't know your whole story, but we can only go by the words you post. Based on what you've actually written, a lot of us are worried that YOU are not doing enough personally to help really improve your situation, and that making a cross-country move to a place where you have no job, no savings and no support system will make things worse.

I have been in your shoes, a stay-home mom of three, when our finances hit rock bottom. TRUST ME, you have to do more than "live frugally." Cutting back only goes so far, and you can cut so far that your quality of life TRULY suffers.

Our situation did not improve until I started bringing in income. I did that by making what I think were smart, temporary choices, like asking my MIL to watch my boys for a few hours a day while I worked part-time. No one is asking you to abandon your daughter. Your relatives might enjoy caring for her a couple of days a week rather than giving you money.

The changes you want to make may not be the best changes for you. It's easy to fantasize about a new start; it's hard to break out of your comfort zone and make smaller changes in your current place until you can make a bigger move.

I just hope you take this advice from a place of caring. Honestly, I've been thinking about your situation when I'm away from the computer, and I do wish the best for you and your family.
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Old 12-09-2012, 11:29 AM
 
Location: Knoxville, Tennessee
22,533 posts, read 46,075,513 times
Reputation: 13302
Gosh, I wish I had made my mistakes FOR you and so many others so that you all don't have to go through the heartache that I did. Unfortunately, I guess that is not to be.

I will leave you with this. All my life I wanted to be June Cleaver. A fictional television character was, sadly, my idol. My world was my children and taking care of a home. I was mortified at the thought of dropping off a child at daycare. But circumstances change, things happen. Now I'm a single mom with a 12-year-old. I work, make my way, and my little girl sees firsthand what I strong woman can do.

Take it from me, go to school. If nothing else, take some online courses. But make sure it is with a decent school, not Phoenix University or something. Those places will take quadruple the money and employers will throw your resume in the trash. If you get grants, loans and financial aid it will help pay the bills, too.

I wish you were in front of me so that I could give you a big hug!
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Old 12-09-2012, 12:02 PM
 
192 posts, read 287,626 times
Reputation: 136
I have taken some time to think about what everyone has to say and you are all right. I do need to go to college, but moving is still not something I am willing to wait to do. But I did come up with a better plan. Since my husband works at Taylor Guitar, He can get a job from here at Gibson Guitar in Memphis or Nashville just to get us over there. (his reviews from Taylor are AWESOME) Being in a bigger city I could easily find a part time job at night while my husband watches the baby and I could take online classes during the day while he is at work. Im thinking something to do with agriculture. Not sure yet. Im sorry about the way I reacted, I just felt attacked and belittled. But its probably for the better I didnt go with my original plan. Thank you all!
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Old 12-09-2012, 12:05 PM
 
192 posts, read 287,626 times
Reputation: 136
Great One Bedroom Condo in Crieve Hall Near I-65 Not bad.
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Old 12-09-2012, 02:30 PM
 
4,787 posts, read 8,757,843 times
Reputation: 12592
Marvelous, now you're thinking. If your hubby can get a job at Gibson that may be the way to go.

And don't anyone say anything to Michelle about agricultural school. It doesn't mean she's going to go out and pick cotton or tomatoes. Not everything needs a four year degree. There are opportunities in agriculture and they don't all have to do with the actual farm. It can lead jobs as state forest or park rangers, conservation officers, or at state agricultural stations- the places where people bring soils, grasses, insects in to be analyzed. You know -those nice government, salaried, with benefits and retirement plan jobs.

I have a friend in CT who runs a 500 acre dairy farm. But what they have is bulls and their workers collect and ship semen all around the country. It highly computer driven, highly technical ( some workers figure out pedigrees and what to ship to what cow ), I also have an old acquaintance who is a technical writer for agricultural magazines. Very specialized, niche work. But if you have training and know what you're doing it can be lucrative- and she works freelance from home. So opportunities exist, you just have to look at a long range plan. think in terms of a 5-7 year plan.

PS. - don't move without a job. But if you can make the move, I'd go with Nashville. Climate- wise it's much better - personal opinion only. I find Memphis too hot and too humid. Coming from CA you're going to need to adapt to a TN summer and humidity. Nashville is better than Memphis in that regard.

Good luck
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Old 12-09-2012, 03:35 PM
 
192 posts, read 287,626 times
Reputation: 136
Quote:
Originally Posted by willow wind View Post
Marvelous, now you're thinking. If your hubby can get a job at Gibson that may be the way to go.

And don't anyone say anything to Michelle about agricultural school. It doesn't mean she's going to go out and pick cotton or tomatoes. Not everything needs a four year degree. There are opportunities in agriculture and they don't all have to do with the actual farm. It can lead jobs as state forest or park rangers, conservation officers, or at state agricultural stations- the places where people bring soils, grasses, insects in to be analyzed. You know -those nice government, salaried, with benefits and retirement plan jobs.

I have a friend in CT who runs a 500 acre dairy farm. But what they have is bulls and their workers collect and ship semen all around the country. It highly computer driven, highly technical ( some workers figure out pedigrees and what to ship to what cow ), I also have an old acquaintance who is a technical writer for agricultural magazines. Very specialized, niche work. But if you have training and know what you're doing it can be lucrative- and she works freelance from home. So opportunities exist, you just have to look at a long range plan. think in terms of a 5-7 year plan.

PS. - don't move without a job. But if you can make the move, I'd go with Nashville. Climate- wise it's much better - personal opinion only. I find Memphis too hot and too humid. Coming from CA you're going to need to adapt to a TN summer and humidity. Nashville is better than Memphis in that regard.

Good luck
Thats what I figured, there would be a lot of options for me, but I would also learn the the types of skills that I would need if the country gets so bad I have to actually grow food for my family. I was thinking nashville over memphis too because the crime rates are pretty high in memphis. I think he would definitely be able to get that job from here. And if not, he could always go ahead of me. Thank you
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Old 12-09-2012, 08:55 PM
 
Location: SoCal & Mid-TN
2,079 posts, read 2,009,570 times
Reputation: 2362
Quote:
Originally Posted by michellelasher View Post
I actually lived in those apartments back in the early 1970 when I was in Jr. High School. I happen to drive by here every now and then and glance that way out of curiosity. They weren't great 30 years ago and they aren't great now. I wouldn't live there. The Nashville apartment market is tight right now and prices are pretty high. This is so cheap that it raises a red flag. Look around a bit more - keeping in mind that if something is really cheap, there is a reason. Also bear in mind that it will be hard to find an apartment without proof of income. As I said, the market is tight, prices are up, and landlords can be picky. You also need to familiarize yourself with the city a bit. It's spread out over the entire county (Davidson). People here will be glad to answer your questions about specific areas.
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Old 12-09-2012, 09:20 PM
 
192 posts, read 287,626 times
Reputation: 136
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikett View Post
I actually lived in those apartments back in the early 1970 when I was in Jr. High School. I happen to drive by here every now and then and glance that way out of curiosity. They weren't great 30 years ago and they aren't great now. I wouldn't live there. The Nashville apartment market is tight right now and prices are pretty high. This is so cheap that it raises a red flag. Look around a bit more - keeping in mind that if something is really cheap, there is a reason. Also bear in mind that it will be hard to find an apartment without proof of income. As I said, the market is tight, prices are up, and landlords can be picky. You also need to familiarize yourself with the city a bit. It's spread out over the entire county (Davidson). People here will be glad to answer your questions about specific areas.
Really? what is wrong with them? That really sucks :/ I just dont know what the prices are in the area and what is considered 'so cheap it raises a red flag'.
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Old 12-10-2012, 05:37 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,052 posts, read 37,695,377 times
Reputation: 73691
Quote:
Originally Posted by michellelasher View Post
Really? what is wrong with them? That really sucks :/ I just dont know what the prices are in the area and what is considered 'so cheap it raises a red flag'.
The average rent in Nashville is right around $800/month.

So half that in a prime area would raise a huge red flag for me.

Remember... you get what you pay for.
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