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But guess what. Those of us that work do everything you do in addition to working a full time job. It's as if it's assumed that anyone that works doesn't also have to care for the children and keep the house in order.
Sorry but while you are at work your children are not at home making messes for you to clean up, getting hungry and expecting you to feed them. Wanting you to read to them or pick them up when they are crying, putting them down for a nap, etc. While you are at work someone else is taking care of all of that for you, that's why you pay them, right? And that is the work that the sahm is doing while you are at work. I'm not saying that the sahm has it harder as you are both busy and both working but unless your kids actually have "off" buttons and they just sit in a display case while you are at work you can't claim to be doing everything that a sahm does plus working. It's not possible. Well maybe if the off switch thing is real. Is it?
Quote:
Originally Posted by wevie
It's not like the house needs cleaned from top to bottom day in and say out. I can spend an hour or so a day three or four days a week on chores and my house is always clean.
Because your kids are not home all day making messes. They are presumably making their daily messes at daycare or if you have a nanny the nanny is cleaning up after them throughout the work day.
Full time work at home (I freelance and own 2 businesses), homeschooling, divorced Mom to two boys, one autistic, here. Just pointing out I'm both a stay at home mom AND a full time working mom.
There is never, ever going to be a definitive declaration of what is harder and what is easier.
For some women, the drive to be the "perfect" parent with a spotless home and kids, scheduled activities, etc. is a full time job and very stressful, but mostly because she stresses herself out about it. For other women with a different attitude or habits, being a stay at home mom is easy street. (I'm not talking about neglectful parents here).
The same divisions go for working moms who stick their kids in daycare or hire a nanny. Some of their outside the house jobs are cushy and some are very difficult.
Being a SAHM does not have to be a full time job. I knew a woman who thought she had to entertain her kid or otherwise interact with him every second of the day. She felt guilty for leaving the room to do laundry or grabbing a magazine to read. For her, it was. My kids played by themselves sometimes or *gasp* watched a movie on TV. They always helped with chores. Magically I still had 8 hours a day to actually work as well and time to read a book or something too.
It is what you make of it, and all this "I work harder than you!" catty bickering is rather silly.
Because your kids are not home all day making messes. They are presumably making their daily messes at daycare or if you have a nanny the nanny is cleaning up after them throughout the work day.
They certainly were when I was staying at home with them. I quit work to go back to college and was only taking online or evening classes. I mostly felt like I was on vacation.
Sorry but while you are at work your children are not at home making messes for you to clean up, getting hungry and expecting you to feed them. Wanting you to read to them or pick them up when they are crying, putting them down for a nap, etc. While you are at work someone else is taking care of all of that for you, that's why you pay them, right? And that is the work that the sahm is doing while you are at work. I'm not saying that the sahm has it harder as you are both busy and both working but unless your kids actually have "off" buttons and they just sit in a display case while you are at work you can't claim to be doing everything that a sahm does plus working. It's not possible. Well maybe if the off switch thing is real. Is it?
Because your kids are not home all day making messes. They are presumably making their daily messes at daycare or if you have a nanny the nanny is cleaning up after them throughout the work day.
Lol. A nanny is a whole different ballgame; I wasn't aware we were discussion Nanny's.
Bottom line - when I'm rushing out the door at 7am with my toddler - do you imagine that I am leaving the house in a pristine condition? When I get home at 6PM and cook dinner - do you imagine that I have time to clean that every night by the time I do laundry, take out the trash, and give the kid a bath before I fall asleep while reading to him in his bed?
Yes..I did when I was immature, young and didn't have kids. Then I had one and it doesn't annoy me at all because it is WAY harder than ANY 9-5 out there..ZERO breaks and 24/7, 365.. I've worked in high stress environments and nothing is stressful like staying home raising your kids..Well..if you also clean and cook and actually interact with them as most decent people would. It is ABSOLUTELY exhausting. Try doing it for a few months. Your perception will change lol.
But I feel you..I don't like housewives who ***** and complain about it. I understand them not appreciating people judging them but don't gripe about it like it's horrible. It's HARD as hell but nobody is forced to do it, per se.
Lol. A nanny is a whole different ballgame; I wasn't aware we were discussion Nanny's.
Bottom line - when I'm rushing out the door at 7am with my toddler - do you imagine that I am leaving the house in a pristine condition? When I get home at 6PM and cook dinner - do you imagine that I have time to clean that every night by the time I do laundry, take out the trash, and give the kid a bath before I fall asleep while reading to him in his bed?
Nope. All that is waiting for me when I get home.
So. Here we are.
Some working parents do have nanny's. It's relevant in that way.
My comment was in response to this one:
Quote:
Originally Posted by wevie
But guess what. Those of us that work do everything you do in addition to working a full time job. It's as if it's assumed that anyone that works doesn't also have to care for the children and keep the house in order.
Which is pretty dismissive of stay at home moms considering this comment shows a lack of understanding of the fact that while they are at work, the stay at home mom is with their kids, doing things with them, for them thus they can't "do everything you do in addition to working a full time job." It's not possible and it's very dismissive and a dig to stay at home moms.
Yes..I did when I was immature, young and didn't have kids. Then I had one and it doesn't annoy me at all because it is WAY harder than ANY 9-5 out there..ZERO breaks and 24/7, 365.. I've worked in high stress environments and nothing is stressful like staying home raising your kids..Well..if you also clean and cook and actually interact with them as most decent people would. It is ABSOLUTELY exhausting. Try doing it for a few months. Your perception will change lol.
I really did not find this to be true at all, past the screaming newborn stage - everyone has different situations, I suppose. Yeah, I'm not obsessively neat (I like things very clean, but I don't care if the coat is neatly hung up in the closet, say) and I tend to cook only simple foods (anything that requires more than two bowls/pots/pans to prepare is right out, and I totally consider cheese, crackers, and raw peas to be a meal), but with two small children I didn't find basic cleaning and cooking to be overwhelming. And once I got them on a decent sleep schedule, I did get breaks when they were napping, and after putting them down. I also didn't feel the need to entertain them every single second...I never found that anything terrible happened if they were in the playpen or activity chair for a short time as I took care of something that didn't need tiny hands all over it, or took a moment for myself. And then as they grow out of that, they grow old enough to do more independently, and thus don't need direct minding every single second of the day. I'm sure it's different if you have a special needs, chronically ill, or particularly fussy child. But I think for the average parent and child, a lot of it comes down to managing your time and the environment. There are a lot of ways to do things pretty efficiently, particularly if you disregard the pinterest mommy war culture expectations.
I think for most people it is not 24/7, either. While I'm sure there are people who are unlucky enough to be single parents, with no grandparents or aunties available, no child-friendly friends, and no reliable sitters, I think the average person has or can find at least one or two people who can spell them from time to time. Me, I joined a sliding-fee gym that had free childcare during classes, for example, and I traded occasional babysitting with a friend who also had a small child.
Your priorities are different when you are a working mom. I was a working, divorced mom, and I lived in a town with mostly sahms, and their houses were always cleaner and better-looking than mine. They shopped a lot, while I bought stuff online and had it delivered. I kept it clean enough, but didn't have time for the extra efforts or to spend much time concerned about interior decorating. You want to spend the time with your kid. I remember one conversation with Girl Scout moms (I was the leader, and in fact almost all of the GS leaders in town were working mothers, curiously enough) when this woman was AGONIZING over which curtains to get for her living room. That was her big decision, her biggest problem in the world, and I just couldn't relate.
Yes, I would have loved to be a sahm and have someone else hand me wads of cash or credit cards for what I needed and have someone else worry about paying the bills. But maybe things work out the way they are supposed to. I was also very fortunate that my "daycare" was my own mother.
One type of mother is not superior to the other. Kids of both turn out bad or good. A sahm has more control over how she manages her time, though, which is what I think I envied most.
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