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OP, it's not worth the office drama over $20. If that was your actual gift, it was a major faux pas by the giver, but I wouldn't have said anything to anyone unless they asked what I'd gotten. And then I'd have told them and let that speak for itself.
If you want to do a Secret Santa exchange for the holidays that has meaning, do it with your friends. Even if they're poor, they could probably do a $10 exchange. Homemade cookies or a pair of funky earrings from a friend who knows you well is so much better than a gift from a casual work acquaintance.
Or better yet, exchange dollar store gifts picked for their hideousness and make it a competition. Hold a "holiday lunch" with them at a fast food place and exchange garishly wrapped depravities and have a good time with the people you care about.
One year, my best friend and I gifted our other best friend with a horrific little resin figurine we found at the dollar store. It became a decade-long running joke that we recycled at every major milestone in our lives with a great deal of pomp and ceremony. I'm currently working on reviving it, but that horrific figurine now has a base covered in glitter paint and one of the heads will be replaced by that of a velociraptor. 10 years ago I spent a dollar, and it created hours of laughter over the years.
And this is why I don't participate in these games. Many people will say it's the thought that counts.....but there's no real thought into stopping at the gas station on your way to work, grabbing your morning coffee, and oh that Secret Santa gift....oh yeah a candy cane will do....That's not cool!
I had participated in a Secret Santa with the family of an ex, I was not too familiar with the name I had drawn. I asked around for ideas, learning that she was into art. Not knowing what art supplies she may need or want, I gifted to her a gift card to an art store I thought she might like. Turned out, she worked at that same store.
As an aside, I worked as a line cook during undergrad. At one restaurant, the owner had given all employees gift certificates, to this same restaurant, as a token of appreciation. It may be the thought that counts, and I had certainly appreciated it for what it was, and for any one who has worked a day of their life in a restaurant would understand why this is such a strange gift to have received.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr_Geek
If they are buying a $2 gift in a $20 secret santa then I'd be pissed too. Don't participate if you are going to be cheap.
My understanding with Secret Santa, and after participating in this "game" for twenty years or so, five different States, and so on is that the $20 limit is only that, a limit. I have never participated in a Secret Santa where it was required let alone understood that you had to spend $20 on a gift.
The OP mentions being poor, having no family, and working with people who seem to be able to afford it (better gift). The OP also mentions that he only publicly complained in the first place because he thought it was from one person in particular, so there's prejudice and a need for justice involved. Sounds like a case of entitlement/the world owes me.
OP: I find it interesting that you mention how you felt bad once you realized that your anger was directed at the wrong person. Did you apologize to this person?
Allow me to say what the 1000+ people who viewed the OP and chose not to respond were probably thinking:
1. Making a public stink about a gift you consider to be cheap says more about you than about the giver.
2. All of this brewhaha--and research-- over a candy cane?
3. The only appropriate response to receiving any gift is...Thank you.
OR maybe those 1000 people are out shopping for a better SS gift than the one they planned.
Since they didn't post, anybody can make up a story for them that reflects the poster's agenda.
I would have expressed my disappointment publicly, too. It is SECRET Santa, so you're not calling out anyone by name.
I run the White Elephant / Yankee Trader exchange for a couple of clubs I belong to. I give prizes for the most coveted, most horrendous, and most boring. But the Boring winner gets to stay anonymous--hopefully they'll try harder next time.
edited to add: "garishly wrapped depravities" is the best line of the day.
OP I feel your disappointment and understand, but disappointment only comes from high expectations. I think you placed too much importance on the work secret santa gift because you are lonely in your personal life. You don't get gifts from anyone else so this takes on an outsized significance. I'd use this disappointment as a wake up call and see how you can improve your satisfaction in your personal relationships and you'll rely less on a single gift from someone who may or may not know you well to make you happy.
My husband and I host an annual gift swap party (almost 20 years now) and we have a lot of "repeat" gifts as well. We LOVE IT when gifts make return visits. We had one disappear for 3-4 years and we were devastated, but then it came back and everyone was SO HAPPY to see it. =) Of course, the newbies who had only been coming a couple years had no idea why everyone was so excited.
IT's fun isn't it! We scream and laugh loudly when our bad gift shows up. So then we need to explain why this is so funny.
Ours was missing for about 2 years, people are saying where is the golf kleenex thing. Then we spend time trying (and arguing) about who had it last.
When it shows up at another regifting party like when we throw a divorce party, new people get involved.
We really need to add more awful gifts into the cycle.
Thank god I haven't done an office Secret Santa thingy in years. Seems like most companies/departments stopped doing it a long time ago...at least in IT...quite possibly because so many people in IT aren't actually Christians.
Like the Good Book says, “Its better to receive than to give”. I HAD SOMEBODY TELL ME THAT ONE TIME.
Seriously the key to presents at Christmas is not what you receive from others, its what you give to others---WITHOUT THE EXPECTATION OF RECEIVING ANYTHING IN RETURN.
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