Why won't Bostonians look you in the eyes? (Orleans: live in, restaurants)

[citydweller]

^ Never been to the south huh..

[renault]

Originally Posted by K-Luv

Anyways, I just assumed that this was the typical New England/East Coast attitude, so yeah, I would say that Boston's tendency to avoid contact with 'strangers' is unique to Boston.

Have you visited other cities besides Boston? The eye-avoidance thing is a pretty common practice in many Northeast cities. It can also be a cultural difference; many new immigrants tend to stare at people not realizing that this is considered rude behavior in the US.

Originally Posted by pennchick

The original poster was asking about Boston in particular. Boston, because it's an old city, has very narrow sidewalks. This forces people to pass quite close to each other, and in an attempt to maintain personal etiquette, people don't look you in the eye. Eye contact at that close distance can be threatening or rude.

Another good point.

[miu]

Originally Posted by K-Luv

Seriously. I have been doing a lot of walking and I noticed (right away, mind you) that people will not look at your face when they pass you on the street. In fact, they will not even look in my general direction. I know this because I look everyone in the eye and I notice that from 15, maybe 20 feet away, they will stare straight ahead and won't even take a quick glance as they pass.

Now, don't feed me some BS about how Bostonians are busy, in a hurry, or don't feel the need, because it is obviously a cultural thing around here. And it is not just on the street...its on the T, at bars, etc. Non-natives don't seem to do this, so why Bostonians?

Maybe it's also due to YOU looking at these people directly and YOU trying to meet their eyes. They don't want to make contact with you and have you slow them down as they already have their day planned, so they subconsciously are tuning you out. Just like they would tune out an annoyed panhandler. They sense your neediness for acknowledgment of your existence and they want none of that. And in the meantime, they don't need any attention from you to validate their existence. If they happen to be pretty girls, they don't care if you are admiring their looks.

[K-Luv]

Originally Posted by renault

Have you visited other cities besides Boston? The eye-avoidance thing is a pretty common practice in many Northeast cities. It can also be a cultural difference; many new immigrants tend to stare at people not realizing that this is considered rude behavior in the US.

Yup. I was born in SoCal, grew up in Nor Cal; been to Portland, OR. and Seattle and many places in-between numerous times. Lived in Kansas for a spell. Lived in Minneapolis. Lived in Portland, ME. I've also been on many road trips across the country (except I have never been to the South). So yeah, I've lived other places and have visited numerous states and cities. Hence, how I noticed my observation.

Originally Posted by miu

Maybe it's also due to YOU looking at these people directly and YOU trying to meet their eyes. They don't want to make contact with you and have you slow them down as they already have their day planned, so they subconsciously are tuning you out. Just like they would tune out an annoyed panhandler. They sense your neediness for acknowledgment of your existence and they want none of that. And in the meantime, they don't need any attention from you to validate their existence. If they happen to be pretty girls, they don't care if you are admiring their looks.

I've explained myself numerous times and it is long past old. I do not understand why, after each, you continue to come back with this assertion. You do not know me, so stop assuming you do. I've long since stated that I do not want to change the status quo, I don't want Bostonians to bend to my "West Coast ways" just to appease me. It is no more than I made an initial observation and asked a question. Nothing more, nothing less. I do not have a hidden agenda. I am not looking for a back door. I am not trying to f**k any woman I see on the street. I do not understand how that is so hard to comprehend.

To reinstate my premise for this thread: I've long since heard that Bostonians are reserved, aloof, and well, M*******s to put it in so few words. I wondered if what I was observing was a symptom of that, or perhaps something else. So, instead of just making assumptions, I thought I would extend some courtesy and ask. Nothing more, nothing less.

[hopedelivers]

Originally Posted by HowGoesIt

It's just a cultural thing, don't take it to heart. A lot of people in New England consider it rude to make eye contact with a stranger. I've been there done that and have gotten a dirty look or two from a girl. Just don't let it ruin your day.

That being said, Boston is a big bustling city where some people are busy or in a hurry to get someplace.

Yes it is HowGoesIt,

It's none of your dam business...if you don't like Bostonians your the one who's losing out. We're educated, well versed, and very friendly people, but when we're on the downtown streets, we're in a hurry to get to work, an appointment or something else more important than making eye contact with you!!!!! I'm so sick of Boston bashing!!!!!!!

[mdovell]

It's not so much boston bashing.

I remember someone doing an analogy of what types of people they conjure up about various regions of the country...california was some surfing guy..midwest was farming...new england was a old lady yelling at kids to get off her lawn!

Here's just a few things to consider

1) We're generally in a hurry. The days of people living near where they work expired long ago. Traffic can be bad..if you don't leave before a certain time you can be stuck..if you miss a commuter rail it can be an hour before another one shows up.

2) The weather changes constantly. So if it's a good day people want to make the most of it and generally don't want to be bothered. We look at weather reports like people on wall st look at stock ticker symbols!

3) We have a larger population then those that live here year round. For example we have a large student population and tourists. Not all them are friendly. Sometimes this contributes to significantly higher traffic

Looking people in the eye might be nice but everyone knows in effect when they are being lied to. If you go into a walmart and an employee says hi it doesn't really mean that they mean it...they were paid to say it. When people come on to others it isn't with altruistic purposes.

[K-Luv]

Originally Posted by miu

Maybe it's also due to YOU looking at these people directly and YOU trying to meet their eyes.

You are probably right. But, I am not exactly trying to meet their eyes.

[miu]

Originally Posted by K-Luv

You are probably right. But, I am not exactly trying to meet their eyes.

But... you are still looking at them directly. Even if your fleeting (to you) glance is just briefly pausing on their face before moving your gaze to someone or something else. And you are looking at them long enough to determine that they aren't interested in being friendly back to you. So they can tell, even if it's on a subconscious level., that you are looking at them.

Our brains process a lot of information about our surroundings covered by our peripheral vision constantly. It's not all about just what we are focused on. And it's a great survival skill that all animals have.

[thenewtexan]

Originally Posted by K-Luv

You are probably right. But, I am not exactly trying to meet their eyes.

...and they're not trying to meet yours, either. So I guess everyone's happy, now? Right?

[Essel]

I am moving to Boston area in the summer, and I have been soaking up on any info related to this area. I read only the first and the last pages of this thread.

IMO:

1. In Asian and Middle Eastern cultures, looking at people in the eye is considered disrespectful.
2. From my limited experience with Boston, people may just be in a hurry to collect their vehicles from parking The rates are iniquitous.
3. As a visitor 2 years back, I participated in the New Year parade - completely unexpected form my side. So in my experience, people are friendly
4. I prefer this New England trait (if true) to the Southern-style in-your face friendliness that frequently masks prejudice of bigotry ( and yes - I have lived in the South and experienced it)

I am excited about moving to the Boston area