Why won't Bostonians look you in the eyes? (Florida: school, colleges)

[TKramar]

I don't know about Boston, but if I DO pass someone on the street around here (which isn't likely) they look away. If I'm in a store, they look away. But you know something? I'm glad that they do. Making eye contact with me is like challenging me, and I don't want you starting something up with me.

[DoctorRain]

I don't look at people and if I get looks, I look away or if I see them constantly staring, I get really edgy about it or if I am in a better mood, I might stick out my tongue at them.

[MassTwingles]

Originally Posted by DoctorRain

I might stick out my tongue at them.

I literally laughed out loud to that! I don't get the whole "Bostonians are so cold" thing. It's been said a million times but you can't possibly say hi to everyone you pass on the street in a busy city and frankly I wouldn't want it any other way. When I say hi most people respond. Just my experience...obviously YMMV.

[DoctorRain]

Originally Posted by MassTwingles

I literally laughed out loud to that! I don't get the whole "Bostonians are so cold" thing. It's been said a million times but you can't possibly say hi to everyone you pass on the street in a busy city and frankly I wouldn't want it any other way. When I say hi most people respond. Just my experience...obviously YMMV.

LOL well ya, in another way it can be my way of saying you're lame.

One time I was on the west coast (Oregon). Some guy gave me the stare of death from inside a restaurant. I was outside the restaurant looking in the window and a little kid was looking at me. I made a few faces to her, some guy (not the kids dad) from a distance gave me the look of death from the inside. I stuck my tongue out at him and put up the devil signs HAHA.

Well, there are times I am not too friendly if someone passes me. I just go about my business and usually start conversation if something interests me about the person like a t shirt, something along those lines.
I usually do the head nod like whats up. I've gotten that around Boston before or a simple hi depending on where I was. I do think it can be friendlier near the city though or more neighborly even if someone isnt your immediate next door neighbor. I find its worse further from Boston honestly in places like Billerica or Burlington, Wilmington etc..

[MeetyouatDunkies]

I was born and raised in Allston/Brighton, went to high school downtown, took the T with all the drunks and crazies etc. I view walking down the street like I did walking down the hall in high school or walking on campus to class. It's almost like a mini-commute as if I were in my car going somewhere.. I'm totally in my own head. On occasion I'll look up and if I do make eye contact, I'll definitely acknowledge you. Coming from an area where people are on top of each other after awhile they tend to just blend into the scenery.

However some stereotypes are true. The city is still based on that old English sense of pride and tradition. We're not quick to show expression unless its defensive and tend to keep to ourselves. I can see how that can come across as offensive but we don't mean it in that way at all. I guarantee if you go into any pub in Boston you'll get a different reaction.. we're Irish after all!

On another note I apologize for the minority of self-entitled college kids who think they own the planet because daddy pays for everything. That's not Boston. And Malden is a great example of cultural evolution gone wrong. Sorry about that one too. ; )

[re2126]

I have been to Boston frequently the last 5 years and it was one of the first things I noticed about the people up there. At first it was strange, but then I began to understand why so many are like that. It is more efficient to skip the eye contact and pleasantries when you are in such a busy setting. At least that is how I view this behavior now.

For the most part everyone I have been in contact with in Boston seem nice though. Do they have more of a hard edge to them? In my opinion yes, but I kind of like it. However, I have had a couple of situations that really had me confused. For example, I opened the door for a woman and received a dirty look followed with "I don't need you to hold the door for me". Was a first for me and its happened a few times in Boston. But I just assumed they were having a bad day.

It is strange for someone from the south to get use to, but I can appreciate it just the same as the stranger having a conversation with me in line at Dunkin Donuts in the morning here in Lexington, Ky.

With all that said, I am moving to Boston. I think its a great place with interesting people and will be a great change of pace from Lexington.

[seeriously]

If you want a Bostonian to look you in the eyes, buy him/her a romantic candlelit dinner. Boston is a mecca; people are busily going about their lives. Bump into a Bostonian and they'll apologize profusely, probably even if it's not their fault, but eye random contact??? You want every Bostonian you come into contact with to lock eyeballs with you???

[donewithpretty]

I've seen this topic in every city I've ever lived in. In Boston, the issue is blamed on "snooty New Englanders." Elsewhere, it's blamed on "stuck-up women." For what it's worth, I've *never* seen this thread started by a woman. It's always men.

Here's an example from San Francisco, which I believe is in the friendly state of California:
Eye Contact | San Francisco | Yelp

[K-Luv]

Originally Posted by verobeach

If you want a Bostonian to look you in the eyes, buy him/her a romantic candlelit dinner. Boston is a mecca; people are busily going about their lives. Bump into a Bostonian and they'll apologize profusely, probably even if it's not their fault, but eye random contact??? You want every Bostonian you come into contact with to lock eyeballs with you???

Originally Posted by donewithpretty

I've seen this topic in every city I've ever lived in. In Boston, the issue is blamed on "snooty New Englanders." Elsewhere, it's blamed on "stuck-up women." For what it's worth, I've *never* seen this thread started by a woman. It's always men.

Here's an example from San Francisco, which I believe is in the friendly state of California:
Eye Contact | San Francisco | Yelp

I have never seen this topic and I have lived on the West Coast, MidWest, and two East Coast locations. This is the only place I have noticed it.

I read that SF Yelp link. A few things immediately come to mind. The poster mentions that people will not hold eye contact for more than a 1/10th of a second. This suggests that they did, in fact, initaially look in your direction. My observation when I made this thread was that people around wouldn't even do that. They didn't look away, mind you, they looked dead-on straight ahead as if they were in a trance or something. I thought it was weird. I still do, but I have since stopped caring.

A few people in that Yelp thread also point out that there is a difference between making eye contact and staring; another point I made to which some respondents in the Boston thread do not seem to understand.

My observations with Boston were not just in regards to the women or snooty New Englanders.

Okay, I get it. In Boston culture everyone is too busy to stop and say hi. Even if by stopping and saying just means a basic acknowledgement with the eyes. In Boston culture, everyone already has enough friends and are not in the market for any new ones. In Boston culture, looking someone in the eye (that you do not know) is considered a threat/challenge at least or that you want to get into the person's pants at most.

That is all fine and dandy. As I stated in this thread a few times already, I just made an observation and asked a question. I am not attempting to change the status quo nor do I care to do so. I am the new one here who is from a different state/region/culture. Just don't assume that I am a creep or want to jump your bones if you catch me glancing in your general direction and I will assume you don't want anything to do with me.

[miu]

Originally Posted by donewithpretty

I've seen this topic in every city I've ever lived in. In Boston, the issue is blamed on "snooty New Englanders." Elsewhere, it's blamed on "stuck-up women." For what it's worth, I've *never* seen this thread started by a woman. It's always men.

Here's an example from San Francisco, which I believe is in the friendly state of California:
Eye Contact | San Francisco | Yelp

I completely agree with you!!! No woman I know wants to make friends with random strange men on the street. Whether it's in the city or in a more rural area, it's really not safe to make friendly contact with complete strangers, male or female. It's just not worth the risk should that stranger have ulterior motives of assault, robbery or scamming.

The only way to start friendships is with having a mutual friend, going to the same church, being a neighbor or a co-worker. If there are no common bonds, then there is no accountability for their actions.

Also, men hope for impressing pretty women enough to get them that friendly glance, and it just feeds their ego.

And I do very much believe that straight men have no interest in getting friendly glances from other men, they only want responses from women of the pretty and young kind.