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When someone is speaking an Eastern European language and appears to be dressed as Euro T, I am going to assume that they are not native, for example. Or if they are obviously from a Latin American country and speaking Spanish.
Besides, I have read numerous times on this forum that if a random stranger gives you the time of day than that is a sign that they are NOT from Boston. I understand there are exceptions, and nothing is ever straight across the board, and I could be wrong, but so far it doesn't seem that way.
Like I said previously, it is just an observation. I am not suggesting that it is wrong, or that Bostonians are kooky. I just plan on living here for a while and am trying to make sense of the situation.
Yup, I did live in Maine. I lived in Portland, and as it turns out, many people who live in Portland are from away. So it is hard to get an accurate description as to who is from Maine and who isn't. I will say this: Some people did seem to go out of their way to avoid you, but in general, more often than not, people would say hi, inquire how you are doing, etc. Some random person walking down the street will say [i]hi, you say hi back, followed by how are you doing? They will respond with Good, thank you. How are you?No complaints.Have a nice day.You, too. All the while they won't miss a beat or slow their stride. Just a quick wham bam thank you ma'am.
Mainer's are pretty straight forward and for the most part don't seem to understand the concept of personal space. It is not uncommon for someone to stand so close behind you in line -even you are the only two people waiting in line- that they are breathing down your neck. It is also common for two people to strike up conversation while waiting in line, and then not move until they are done...effectively holding up the line for a few minutes.
[i]They are also straight forward to point of being blunt or intrusive. For example, my GF at the time was up in Bar Harbor at a museum and bought a lobster shaped spoon rest for our stove. She paid with her bank card and the woman behind the counter asked to see her DL. When she showed her her Maine DL, the woman said Why are you buying this? You live here!
Anyways, I just assumed that this was the typical New England/East Coast attitude, so yeah, I would say that Boston's tendency to avoid contact with 'strangers' is unique to Boston. I figured that Boston would be just as in-your-face, straight-forward, and "friendly". Guess I assumed wrong.
What you are witnessing IS an East Coast attitude. East Coast people are "real" friendly, not "fake" friendly. If they do not know you, they tend to not talk to you or not even make eye contact with you. You can't get much more straightforward than that. After you break through the surface, Bostonians look you in the face, much more so that say, the south, where you get that "fake" friendliness.
What you are witnessing IS an East Coast attitude. East Coast people are "real" friendly, not "fake" friendly. If they do not know you, they tend to not talk to you or not even make eye contact with you. You can't get much more straightforward than that. After you break through the surface, Bostonians look you in the face, much more so that say, the south, where you get that "fake" friendliness.
I'm curious to know what all this "fake friendliness" I've heard so much about on this forum is. I've lived down south and in California and I haven't really encountered it.
I'm pretty sure it's something New Englanders (of which I am one) have made up to explain why we're so unfriendly.
I was born & raised her and have lived all over the country. The East Coast isn't more "real" than anywhere else. Just more unfriendly.
Actually, if you would read some other conversations in the Boston forum, you would find your answer. Many of these people who talk about "real" and "fake" friendly are actually from other parts of the country. If you're really this hypersensitive, maybe you don't belong on the East Coast. Go someplace where complete strangers say hello and ask you how your day is. Not everyone is meant to live in the place where they were born and raised. This topic is getting really old and should probably be merged with the "Why are people in Massachusetts so incredibly rude" forum".
That is the weirdest generalization i've ever heard. I just came back from a trip to Boston. People will look at you if they have the slightest interest in your looks or not, vice versa. Beautiful beautiful city by the way.
Actually, if you would read some other conversations in the Boston forum, you would find your answer. Many of these people who talk about "real" and "fake" friendly are actually from other parts of the country. If you're really this hypersensitive, maybe you don't belong on the East Coast. Go someplace where complete strangers say hello and ask you how your day is. Not everyone is meant to live in the place where they were born and raised. This topic is getting really old and should probably be merged with the "Why are people in Massachusetts so incredibly rude" forum".
I'm very confused by this post. Are you saying I'M hypersensitive? 'Cause I'm not sure how you got that out of my posts. Or were you referring to the OP? That's a very strong statement to make. Usually one that usually very insensitive people make, as it so happens, heh.
And YOU were the one talking about "real" & "fake" friendly. You were the one that brought it up.
You know what's REALLY old? The whole "if you don't like it, move" line.
As it so happens... I DON'T like it (and not because of the Boston "reservedness", which I'm totally used to. My husband? Not so much), so I AM moving. But, it's not easy for me, and it was a heartbreaking decision. My entire family is here as well as most of my friends, and I just had a baby. It's a lot easier to say "so move!" than it is to actually do it. It's also extremely EXTREMELY expensive to do it, and jobs aren't exactly abundant.
I know a LOT of people who don't like it here. Actually, almost everyone I've told that I'm moving to CA, the response is usually "LUCKY! I wish I were!"
When I ask why they don't, the reply is always "My family is here."
"Why are people in Massachusetts so incredibly rude" forum".
Because it is a different topic. I am not asking, implying, or questioning whether it is rude or not. Some will say yes, some will say no, and others won't care either way.
Look, we all grew up in different ways, and in some cases, different locations. You can say that we are all American, but really what does that mean since it is the particular city/location/state/region/area or what-ever that really shapes who we are. I'm not sure about Massachusetts just yet, so I will use California as an example: What is considered culturally acceptable in LA, is not the same as in SF, or Sacramento, or Nevada City, or Truckee. Each area has its own vibe that contributes to how people in that particular area interact with each other.
It's not right or wrong, it's just how it is.
Now, there is something about the Boston vibe that causes people to act this way, for it to be considered normal. I am just asking if anyone knows why.
Anyways, lock it up if you please.
Quote:
Originally Posted by catknip
That is the weirdest generalization i've ever heard. I just came back from a trip to Boston. People will look at you if they have the slightest interest in your looks or not, vice versa. Beautiful beautiful city by the way.
Well then I guess I am a hideous freak, thanks.
And there is a good chance that these people were tourists who thought you were a local.
I was taken aback being in the South and California recently - everyone is so FRIENDLY in that they acknowledge strangers at every turn. Whoa.
I think if you skip the eye contact issue, if you are in a socially proximate situation and just say "hi" a Bostonian will say "hi" as well. Its just we all have enough friends already and we are not necessarily looking to meet anyone new. Unless you are at a great bar like The People's Republic (Cambridge, where else?) or any of the Meet Markets around town don't expect people to be as warm and fuzzy as the Californians who I hope still think of me as their "BRO!".
Personally, I only make eye contact with someone if I wish to engage them in conversation. I tend not to engage strangers on the street in conversation.
Well said Cliff Clavin, couldn't of said it better myself. In a bar setting is a different situation all together. Bostonians are much more friendlier in this type of atmosphere as people are in all parts of the country. I'm from Boston and consider myself a very friendly person .
I was taken aback being in the South and California recently - everyone is so FRIENDLY in that they acknowledge strangers at every turn. Whoa.
I think if you skip the eye contact issue, if you are in a socially proximate situation and just say "hi" a Bostonian will say "hi" as well. Its just we all have enough friends already and we are not necessarily looking to meet anyone new. Unless you are at a great bar like The People's Republic (Cambridge, where else?) or any of the Meet Markets around town don't expect people to be as warm and fuzzy as the Californians who I hope still think of me as their "BRO!".
To be perfectly honest, I don't think that a bro would hang out at the PR. Although a bro in SoCal is different than a bro out here.
I'm very confused by this post. Are you saying I'M hypersensitive? 'Cause I'm not sure how you got that out of my posts. Or were you referring to the OP? That's a very strong statement to make. Usually one that usually very insensitive people make, as it so happens, heh.
And YOU were the one talking about "real" & "fake" friendly. You were the one that brought it up.
You know what's REALLY old? The whole "if you don't like it, move" line.
As it so happens... I DON'T like it (and not because of the Boston "reservedness", which I'm totally used to. My husband? Not so much), so I AM moving. But, it's not easy for me, and it was a heartbreaking decision. My entire family is here as well as most of my friends, and I just had a baby. It's a lot easier to say "so move!" than it is to actually do it. It's also extremely EXTREMELY expensive to do it, and jobs aren't exactly abundant.
I know a LOT of people who don't like it here. Actually, almost everyone I've told that I'm moving to CA, the response is usually "LUCKY! I wish I were!"
When I ask why they don't, the reply is always "My family is here."
Funny, I got a lot of 'Why did you live California? Are you crazy!", when I lived in KS, MN, and ME. Not to discourage you, but there are plenty of reasons not to live in California.
The only example of 'fake' nice I give comes from living in Minnesota. People there, for the most part, are extremely reserved and would rather not talk to you. But, more than likely due to the Scandinavian heritage, there is something in the culture that compels locals to be friendly just for the sake of being pleasant. No one will rock the boat and no one will say what they really want to say to you. Your neighbor will inform you that you can borrow his lawnmower or snowblower, then act like you are really inconveniencing him when you do ask to use it (i.e., if they are not busy pretending not to be home).
If you encounter someone that you know on the street, they feel obligated to have a five or ten minute conversation with you even though you don't and it is painfully obvious that they don't, either.
And, they do this thing called the long-good bye. Let's say someone gets up to leave. They take two steps towards the door, then stop to say one last thing, or the host says one last thing. Then two more steps, another last thing. Repeat. A half hour later and the person still hasn't left yet even though they are at the door. The same holds true with phone conversations.
All of this creates one really passive-aggressive climate, and I couldn't take it any more. So I moved. I assumed that the 'East Coast' attitude would be more my speed since people from Nor Cal are fairly direct.
Maine is the only place that I have ever been where if someone said 'hi' to you or inquired about your day I felt they truly meant it.
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Why won't Bostonians look you in the eyes?
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