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The negative reaction to her 'WHAT'S YOUR EXCUSE?' poster isn't about being "offended", or "taking things personally", or being "mad", or "hating", or being "jealous". Are you people in the 7th grade?
1. Maria Kang started a dialog, whether she intended to, or not. And, I'm guessing this is probably above her head (and above your head as well, if you're posting rah rah nonsense about jealousbitches and dumb fatties needing to suck it up and get a life), but that image with her 3 young children, with their ages in months, and with that caption 'WHAT'S YOUR EXCUSE?' automatically makes this specifically and distinctly a FEMINIST issue, and it is ripe for a critical reading and critique.
If you don't have the mental capacity or insight to consider the subtext, and are intellectually limited to viewing this topic from a "DON'T BE MAD, FAT JEALOUS HATERZZZ!" perspective, then I know you tuned out at 'FEMINIST', and you are grumble-grunting right now about "Excuses Excuses Excuses!". That's OK. God bless, you sweet, sweet simpletons.
2. Any time ANY random person tries to push themselves off on the general public as some kind of expert or guru, people are going to throw shade. People have had similar "WHO THE F#&! ARE YOU?" reactions to Oprah Winfrey and Gwyneth Paltrow when they've gotten insufferable and preachy about things they are not qualified to preach about. Even to Dr. Oz and Dr. Phil...and those dudes, even if you think they are shills and quacks, are actual doctors.
Why should Kang be immune to critique? If you PUBLICLY post anything on the internet, be it a selfie, Facebook update, tweet, Vine, whatever...you open yourself up to criticism.
And she DID, not only publicly post that poster on her deliberately public Facebook page, it was with the intent to reach as many people as possible in order to publicize her "fitness" website, to get as many followers and page views as possible. Her website, by the way, isn't really a fitness website, but more a glorified LiveJournal where her self-obsessed, navel-gazing diary entries include tags like 'LOVE', 'FRIENDSHIP', 'FAITH', 'HAPPINESS', 'TAKING CHANCES' and 'MARRIAGE'.
'FITNESS' is only one tag and so is 'NO EXCUSE PROGRAM'. And 'NO EXCUSE PROGRAM' is NOT any kind of formal or accredited program. It's a bunch of personal journal entries where she humblebrags and proselytizes to her readers/followers, about how she got in shape.
Maria Kang is not a health & fitness expert. She has a BA in International Relations/Asian History, with a minor in Political Science. She worked as a personal trainer at one time (over a decade ago) during her junior year in college, and also won a bunch of beauty pageants, fitness competition titles and magazine covers, during which time she developed an EATING DISORDER for three years.
And it's clear from the obsessive cataloging in her blog of her weight, that she still has issues.
This is her idea of a bad picture where she doesn't think she looks hot or fit or thin enough:
Moderator cut: image removed
It is so troubling to her that she writes a long, rambling post about it, wherein she, um, makes EXCUSES about "the daily demands of work, children, friendship and marriage".
3. As such, she has no place telling post partum women when, how and how fast to get back in shape, asking the confrontational question of "WHAT'S YOUR EXCUSE?".
How arrogant to declare yourself as 'inspiration' or FITSPIRATION to post partum women. And how dishonest, when that fitspo is a glamorized, professionally photographed, professionally lighted, professionally styled and Photoshopped image of yourself where you prepared for the photo by cutting carbs and doing extra cardio.
How dishonest to throw a bunch of platitudes out there about only needing 30 minutes a day and not needing to cut carbs to look like you (when that image of you isn't even genuine), when you blog elsewhere that you actually work out at least twice a day and for more like 60 minutes, and sometimes even taking diet pills.
How hypocritical to blog about not comparing yourself to anyone else or to some impossible image of perfection in your head ("Comparison is the thief of joy"), and being morally opposed to ever objectifying yourself, but then challenging women to compare themselves to a glamorized version of yourself, demanding "WHAT'S YOUR EXCUSE?".
3. 'FITSPO' and 'FITSPIRATION' is a slippery slope that often slides into THINSPIRATION which is anorexia/bulimia territory. It is about glamorizing and fetishizing a rigid idealized image, as opposed to HEALTH.
It's a fine line, and a dangerous line.
The message in most FITSPO is not health, but a contrived aesthetic.
4. There's a big difference between Kang's brand of 'NO EXCUSES' and the others that came before it. There's a big difference between an amputee overcoming huge challenges to transform himself into a model of fitness, and Maria Kang transforming her bikini body into...a sexier bikini body.
This is her idea of "fat". This is the overwhelming obesity calamity she had to "overcome":
No doubt she worked to get her "NO EXCUSES" body, but other people would have to work twice as hard as her...literally eat half as much and workout twice as hard...just to get to her "fat" bikini body. It's pretty pompous to demand "WHAT'S YOUR EXCUSE?" when you are clearly coming from an advantage.
It's like when some yuppie who was born and raised in white picket fence suburbia proclaims to someone that was born and raised in the ghetto or a trailer park in meth country, West Virginia, "I worked hard in school and went to college and found a job! I didn't make excuses! All you have to do is work hard if you don't want to be poor anymore!"
I can tell you one thing--if I were in the market for a woman (I'm not, already married), I'd surely take this woman over the excuse-making bunch of nonsense I hear all the time otherwise.
This is a woman who makes being hot a priority, makes no excuses (yes, I'm stealing her tagline) and just gets it done. Not everyone can do it to that level, of course, that's not the point, the point is to be the best you can be, and that doesn't have to mean killing yourself or spending several grand on plastic surgery or going to extremes towards anorexia. It's just making REASONABLE effort to be the best you can be, because you feel good about yourself and because it helps keep the home fires burning, which is every bit as important as, if not MORE important than, taking care of the kids is.
Your husband deserves it, if you're a man your wife deserves it. How much better marriages would be if more women (and again, men too) made the most of their abilities in this regard rather than neglecting to at least TRY and thus end up blowing up like a helium balloon & then getting all mad when their husbands crick their neck staring at another woman who actually gives a hoot about taking reasonable care of herself.
Sad isn't it, how so many posters who personally don't know Maria Kang attacked her character, making assumptions.
And then they write some lame ass excuse to justify their negative mean-spirited comments.
Aaw. God bless.
I don't personally know Barack Obama, Chris Christie or Sarah Palin either but I can still form an opinion on them based on their public statements and stances.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stockyman
Women are unbelievably petty.
SSDP
(Same Schidt, Different Post)
White Knight jumps in to defend the damsel in internet distress.
I ran 8.7 miles today and did 45 minutes of squats, lunges, plank work, supermans, clam crunches, surrenders and turkish get ups.
What did YOU do today, Stockyman?
I have five more 5-mile runs and 3 more 45-minute strength sessions scheduled for the rest of the week.
If you don't work out as much as me, I want to know what your excuse is.
You know what else? It's really great that Maria Kang gave birth to 3 kids, but...meh. Angelina Jolie gave birth to 3 kids AND adopted THREE MORE! And she is able to provide them with a mansion to grow up in, and trust funds, AND she has a Lara Croft body, AND she does global humanitarian work for the United Nations on top of her full time job and being a stay at home mom. WHAT'S MARIA KANG'S EXCUSE?
I don't personally know Barack Obama, Chris Christie or Sarah Palin either but I can still form an opinion on them based on their public statements and stances.
SSDP
(Same Schidt, Different Post)
White Knight jumps in to defend the damsel in internet distress.
I ran 8.7 miles today and did 45 minutes of squats, lunges, plank work, supermans, clam crunches, surrenders and turkish get ups.
What did YOU do today, Stockyman?
I have five more 5-mile runs and 3 more 45-minute strength sessions scheduled for the rest of the week.
If you don't work out as much as me, I want to know what your excuse is.
You know what else? It's really great that Maria Kang gave birth to 3 kids, but...meh. Angelina Jolie gave birth to 3 kids AND adopted THREE MORE! And she is able to provide them with a mansion to grow up in, and trust funds, AND she has a Lara Croft body, AND she does global humanitarian work for the United Nations on top of her full time job and being a stay at home mom. WHAT'S MARIA KANG'S EXCUSE?
SEE HOW THAT WORKS?
Lol. Magnificent! It's funny how many of the "haters" posting here are fairly active.
I stand by what I said, because it's true. Your man's needs don't go away just because a child is there, those needs are still there and telling a man he has to put those on the back burner for 18 years practically is just not going to work.
I can agree some women get so involved in becoming a mother they can sometimes forget to be a wife, but then it's all about communication. And women have their needs too. But something like "honey since the baby has come, I feel like I'm not important in your life, in our life with our child, what can I do to be more included AND feel the love from you? I miss intimacy from my beautiful wife." Put that way I think most women will be receptive and say "I miss it too, I'm just so tired with the baby/kids." And again that's where you say "tell me what to do and I will do it so we have more time for us!" Any woman will appreciate that from her man! Rather than just groping her at night after she's dead tired (And I'm not speaking to you, to men in general) and getting mad when she is too tired for sex, how about when she's washing dishes start rinsing, when she's picking up the living room, take out the trash, when she's cleaning the bathroom go vacuum the rest of the house, etc. We notice!
Quote:
Originally Posted by shyguylh
As for men helping out--sure, so long as a few things are done. First, don't gripe when he doesn't clean or whatever the exact same way YOU do it, or as good. Appreciate that he's trying. If he tries & all you do is gripe because it isn't "right," then he's not going to want any part of that & will then gladly let you handle the load yourself.
My friend used to complain that her husband wouldn't clean out the trap when he washed dishes. I told her "okay, it takes a second to do that, he just spared you 15 minutes washing the dishes..." She apparently never thought about it that way... I'm sure a gentle reminder would help.
Anytime my husband cleans I say "thank you" and in 8 years of marriage I pretty much now NEVER have to say anything about cleaning. He just does it! And NO he wasn't like that when we first got together! Took a lot of communication (and yes, letting go of things being perfect) to get him to understand it takes 2 to make a mess and 2 to clean it up! If she's really getting on you guys, then just say "hey, I'm doing my best, I'm trying to help, you complaining about how I do it makes me not want to try anymore." My husband is terrible at cleaning the bathroom and so while I do that I he does things he's good at, like vacuuming. The arrangement works out for us, specially since I don't have a preference for which chores I do and don't do.
Quote:
Originally Posted by shyguylh
Second, if you're a stay-at-home mother & it's the scenario of that he's just walked in the door, DO NOT expect him to jump into "daddy" mode 5 seconds in the house. I can tell you as a man I need "transition time," which is time to change over from work role to home role. I need time to wind down, I am NOT going to hit the ground running 5 seconds in the house. Grant me 15-30 minutes to do that & I'm going to be there for you, refuse and you'll receive a very snappy response.
Instead of snapping, how about saying "I know you are tired hun, please just give me half an hour and I PROMISE I'll take the kids so you can have mom time." And stick to that promise, heck, give her at least 1-2 hours of time to herself. Get a workout in, then take a bath, heck, while hubby bathes the kids and puts them to bed so when mom is all rested mom and dad can have some time together! Remember whoever is at home doesn't really get any breaks (unless the kids are in school) anyways, so don't milk them!
Quote:
Originally Posted by shyguylh
The main thing is this--women, and this goes for men too, need to understand that as their spouse is bound to just them, they need to be the best they can be in this regard, rather than thinking that them being restricted to just you means that you can let yourself go because no matter how large you get he's not allowed to stray. That's VERY disrespectful. The proper perspective is the one that says "my guy is only allowed to be with me, & so he deserves the best I can give him" and then do it. As the lady said, no excuses. Tiredness isn't an excuse. Having children isn't an excuse. Being too busy doing whatever else isn't an excuse. And again, the guy should do the same as well. Loving fishing isn't an excuse. Tiredness from work isn't an excuse. Your job isn't an excuse. "You knew I'd get fat when you married me" isn't an excuse.
Well IMO most of us gain a few pounds. But the best advice I give people is just because you are married doesn't mean you should stop dating your spouse! At least once a month try to get a sitter or friend or grandparent so mom and dad can have a night alone. Heck, offer to take your friends kids one night then another night you take your kids to them, FREE babysitting when you swap sitting times Money can't be an excuse then! Even if you just drop the kids off and have a quiet night at home!
I stand by what I said, because it's true. Your man's needs don't go away just because a child is there, those needs are still there and telling a man he has to put those on the back burner for 18 years practically is just not going to work.
As for men helping out--sure, so long as a few things are done. First, don't gripe when he doesn't clean or whatever the exact same way YOU do it, or as good. Appreciate that he's trying. If he tries & all you do is gripe because it isn't "right," then he's not going to want any part of that & will then gladly let you handle the load yourself.
Second, if you're a stay-at-home mother & it's the scenario of that he's just walked in the door, DO NOT expect him to jump into "daddy" mode 5 seconds in the house. I can tell you as a man I need "transition time," which is time to change over from work role to home role. I need time to wind down, I am NOT going to hit the ground running 5 seconds in the house. Grant me 15-30 minutes to do that & I'm going to be there for you, refuse and you'll receive a very snappy response.
Also, maybe the father doesn't need to take care of the child, maybe depending on the child's age they can take care of themselves for awhile. Infant-age that's not going to happen, but they do nap a lot, so take advantage of that, and as for older children, even (say) 2 or so, they can entertain themselves for awhile. Take that time to go in the bedroom and be alone, make it clear you're not to be interrupted. Quit with the idea that someone has to be watching the kids every single second, they don't.
By the way, I'm a husband & a father, and we would do that to our kids when they were 1 & 3. Playpen or whatever for the 1 year old, the 3 year old could play with blocks. Do that and DON'T COME IN HERE in the bedroom while we're relaxing, such would last 30-60 minutes and it made all the difference.
The main thing is this--women, and this goes for men too, need to understand that as their spouse is bound to just them, they need to be the best they can be in this regard, rather than thinking that them being restricted to just you means that you can let yourself go because no matter how large you get he's not allowed to stray. That's VERY disrespectful. The proper perspective is the one that says "my guy is only allowed to be with me, & so he deserves the best I can give him" and then do it. As the lady said, no excuses. Tiredness isn't an excuse. Having children isn't an excuse. Being too busy doing whatever else isn't an excuse. And again, the guy should do the same as well. Loving fishing isn't an excuse. Tiredness from work isn't an excuse. Your job isn't an excuse. "You knew I'd get fat when you married me" isn't an excuse.
It doesn't mean the wife has to look like Selma Hayek or the guy like Christian Bale, but do the best with what you have, short of running yourself into the ground or eating bean sprouts for life.
LRH
I agree with you 100% on this.
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