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I'm hoping that the man is also trying very hard to look good for his wife. I'm also hoping that he is helping with the kids, encouraging his wife to get out of the house in order to work out, get a pedicure, get a haircut, buy sexy clothes....
Agreed, how many of these complaining men say "honey let me take care of the kids for a few hours so you can have some 'me' time" ? I'm guessing not many, for them it's easier to cheat than to help their wives. I'm sure more mothers would rather give the reigns to their husbands now and then so they can have some time to exercise, get a hair cut, etc. I know not all men are like this nowadays, but there are still men out there like this. Guys need to step up since now both genders work outside the home.
Frankly I think the woman is great & more women ought to be like her in that regard.
Not everyone can do what she does, not all people have the same level of motivation & such, but it is so refreshing & wonderful to see a woman not lose herself upon motherhood by devoting every nanosecond of her life being a mother 24/7 and not doing any of the same things she used to be beforehand that made her interesting & attractive to start with.
Men are tired of women, upon motherhood, doing everything for their children to the point that they neglect their appearance and spend no romantic time with their husband while attending to every single aspect regarding their kids, even the most frivolous things, & then being all self-righteous "I'm busy being a mother, I don't have time for that bunch of nonsense" & then wondering why their men cheat on them or at least act flirty towards another woman who actually TRIES. Men get tired of all the talk & everything that goes on around the house ALL revolving around the kids 100%. Good for this woman, in doing this, her husband has a hot woman to go to bed with and this woman is someone who actually is seeking to retain the intangible (and visible) qualities of herself that were present during their courting days & are the reason (presumably) they're together to start with. They are on the path to a long & happy marriage (not a guarantee of course, but it sure helps).
LRH
Generalization is never a good idea. Although I do understand your point that statistically the number of unhappy married couples are higher than satisfied.
Don't forget marriage is two way street. If you want your wife to look hot and sexy like an VS model then suck up your ego and help her out.
I don't know if you either married or father. I am married to my wife for 12 yrs and we have beautiful child together. she is 4 months old. The reason we have successful marriage is because we have clear communication. The key to any success is a clear communication whether it's a marriage, friendship or partnership.
I had made it very clear with my wife that I will be the one taking care of our child in evening hours so she gets her me time. She can manage it on her own by hitting up gym, reading, relaxing, watching TV, listening to music or go for girls night out. Tell me how many men do that? I bet the percentage will be below two digit.
You can't simply point out that she is doing great and others aren't. Many factors are involved. She is saying she does two jobs or two business. Well in that case she already got an upper hand why because she is her own boss. She can manager her own time, not every women have the same luxury. Most women work 9-5 and in most cases 8-5 or 9-6. Which does not even involve commute, picking kids from day care, cooking, feeding baby, playing with baby etc.
As men we can't understand women's emotions when it comes to child because they are practically part of them. After a long stressful day at work when they see the child smile at them they would consider workout as minor priority vs. giving time, attention, affection and satisfaction to a child major priority.
Now I am not saying they should completely ignore to be healthy. There are other ways to be fit. Workout at home with kid, having healthy eating habits, controlling diets etc. That's the key to be fit, now if you are telling me that women are only one who gives up on working out after marriage and child then you my friend need a very good reality check.
As mentioned by other user, you have a storm coming you way with this post.
I stand by what I said, because it's true. Your man's needs don't go away just because a child is there, those needs are still there and telling a man he has to put those on the back burner for 18 years practically is just not going to work.
As for men helping out--sure, so long as a few things are done. First, don't gripe when he doesn't clean or whatever the exact same way YOU do it, or as good. Appreciate that he's trying. If he tries & all you do is gripe because it isn't "right," then he's not going to want any part of that & will then gladly let you handle the load yourself.
Second, if you're a stay-at-home mother & it's the scenario of that he's just walked in the door, DO NOT expect him to jump into "daddy" mode 5 seconds in the house. I can tell you as a man I need "transition time," which is time to change over from work role to home role. I need time to wind down, I am NOT going to hit the ground running 5 seconds in the house. Grant me 15-30 minutes to do that & I'm going to be there for you, refuse and you'll receive a very snappy response.
Also, maybe the father doesn't need to take care of the child, maybe depending on the child's age they can take care of themselves for awhile. Infant-age that's not going to happen, but they do nap a lot, so take advantage of that, and as for older children, even (say) 2 or so, they can entertain themselves for awhile. Take that time to go in the bedroom and be alone, make it clear you're not to be interrupted. Quit with the idea that someone has to be watching the kids every single second, they don't.
By the way, I'm a husband & a father, and we would do that to our kids when they were 1 & 3. Playpen or whatever for the 1 year old, the 3 year old could play with blocks. Do that and DON'T COME IN HERE in the bedroom while we're relaxing, such would last 30-60 minutes and it made all the difference.
The main thing is this--women, and this goes for men too, need to understand that as their spouse is bound to just them, they need to be the best they can be in this regard, rather than thinking that them being restricted to just you means that you can let yourself go because no matter how large you get he's not allowed to stray. That's VERY disrespectful. The proper perspective is the one that says "my guy is only allowed to be with me, & so he deserves the best I can give him" and then do it. As the lady said, no excuses. Tiredness isn't an excuse. Having children isn't an excuse. Being too busy doing whatever else isn't an excuse. And again, the guy should do the same as well. Loving fishing isn't an excuse. Tiredness from work isn't an excuse. Your job isn't an excuse. "You knew I'd get fat when you married me" isn't an excuse.
It doesn't mean the wife has to look like Selma Hayek or the guy like Christian Bale, but do the best with what you have, short of running yourself into the ground or eating bean sprouts for life.
I stand by what I said, because it's true. Your man's needs don't go away just because a child is there, those needs are still there and telling a man he has to put those on the back burner for 18 years practically is just not going to work.
As for men helping out--sure, so long as a few things are done. First, don't gripe when he doesn't clean or whatever the exact same way YOU do it, or as good. Appreciate that he's trying. If he tries & all you do is gripe because it isn't "right," then he's not going to want any part of that & will then gladly let you handle the load yourself.
Second, if you're a stay-at-home mother & it's the scenario of that he's just walked in the door, DO NOT expect him to jump into "daddy" mode 5 seconds in the house. I can tell you as a man I need "transition time," which is time to change over from work role to home role. I need time to wind down, I am NOT going to hit the ground running 5 seconds in the house. Grant me 15-30 minutes to do that & I'm going to be there for you, refuse and you'll receive a very snappy response.
Also, maybe the father doesn't need to take care of the child, maybe depending on the child's age they can take care of themselves for awhile. Infant-age that's not going to happen, but they do nap a lot, so take advantage of that, and as for older children, even (say) 2 or so, they can entertain themselves for awhile. Take that time to go in the bedroom and be alone, make it clear you're not to be interrupted. Quit with the idea that someone has to be watching the kids every single second, they don't.
By the way, I'm a husband & a father, and we would do that to our kids when they were 1 & 3. Playpen or whatever for the 1 year old, the 3 year old could play with blocks. Do that and DON'T COME IN HERE in the bedroom while we're relaxing, such would last 30-60 minutes and it made all the difference.
The main thing is this--women, and this goes for men too, need to understand that as their spouse is bound to just them, they need to be the best they can be in this regard, rather than thinking that them being restricted to just you means that you can let yourself go because no matter how large you get he's not allowed to stray. That's VERY disrespectful. The proper perspective is the one that says "my guy is only allowed to be with me, & so he deserves the best I can give him" and then do it. As the lady said, no excuses. Tiredness isn't an excuse. Having children isn't an excuse. Being too busy doing whatever else isn't an excuse. And again, the guy should do the same as well. Loving fishing isn't an excuse. Tiredness from work isn't an excuse. Your job isn't an excuse. "You knew I'd get fat when you married me" isn't an excuse.
It doesn't mean the wife has to look like Selma Hayek or the guy like Christian Bale, but do the best with what you have, short of running yourself into the ground or eating bean sprouts for life.
LRH
To be fair, the obesity rates are roughly the same for men as they are for women. Do some women's bodies change after pregnancy, sure. But if you are strictly talking about obesity, that goes both ways.
As someone who has kids who are older, but needs a lot of driving around, we are going to their games, etc., I think couples need to talk early in marriage about how things will be handled regarding priorities of time.
You can't always just say no excuses when there are many things competing for your time. Some things may even take priority over exercise..if you don't have a plan for those sort of days, then you are more likely to fail. For example, my son was very sickly from about age 1-4. You just don't say, oh well that doctor's appointment for my son I really should make can be put on th back burner, I need to exercise.
As to your earlier post, I don't really agree with it, especially because most couples I see the woman does the bulk of the childcare no matter is she works or not. If men aren't going to participate at home, or even begrudge a woman the time it takes to go to a WW meeting, then they really can't complain.
Goodness, there is a whole bunch of misdirected energy here.
I have been supportive of this women and think the outrage is pretty much false
I'm married - very happily in fact
My wife was pregnant for around 23 months in a 35 month span - losing one pregnancy at 20 weeks, having our first born delivered by c-section after over 30 hours of labor and the second also had bleeding complications after a c-section that kept her in the surgery room for an extra hour or so and pretty much confined to bed for a day
She had vein issues - most of which were very painful and some that resulted in surgery in areas that I would never want to imagine surgery
Even with this I know many women have had it worse, but I'm definitely well aware of the impact of pregnancy and a whole gamut of changes
Also, I supported my wife when she wanted to join a community band and get back to playing an instrument like she did in college, going out with friends, extra time at work and now something that she's been very active with is running ...she knocked down her first half marathon before our littlest one was 18 months ..... it took a lot of training and dedication on her part and I was more than happy to support her
She is starting to train again and I am more than willing to support her again - it's what she loves to do and gives her a goal to work towards ..... it takes a lot of time, but she makes it work .... she was even frustrated with some recent leg surgeries and worked with the doctors to accelerate the timeline so she could get on a training schedule, even though it brought on more initial pain, etc for her instead of spreading it out
She used to say "thanks for letting me......." and I would always stop her short there - I don't "let" her do anything of the sort, I will always support my partner in their interests and health
I also would never, ever expect her to do any of this "for me" .... all of these interests are "for her" - it's her interest and her pursuit ... i'm just there to be a rock and help out, other than that i'm pretty irrelevant to the motivations or process
For what it's worth, the women who provides our daycare has 5 kids of her own and has a better physique than the women in this article ...... she puts in the work and has created a good situation for herself
I think it's sad that people get into all the negativity that has been on display on this thread - then again, I guess it's expected when the prism of which they look through the world is exposed, from gender roles on down
[quote=shyguylh;31901042]I stand by what I said, because it's true. Your man's needs don't go away just because a child is there, those needs are still there and telling a man he has to put those on the back burner for 18 years practically is just not going to work.[/quote}
Yes. Men have needs. So do Women. The kids have needs too. It's all about balance in life. You might not be the priority one day, but you might be the next day. It's all about give and take.
Quote:
As for men helping out--sure, so long as a few things are done. First, don't gripe when he doesn't clean or whatever the exact same way YOU do it, or as good. Appreciate that he's trying. If he tries & all you do is gripe because it isn't "right," then he's not going to want any part of that & will then gladly let you handle the load yourself.
Women can say the same thing about men. Some women try to get in shape and some men gripe because she's not trying. They don't appreciate that she's trying, she loses are self-confidence and lets herself go.
Secondly, if you're wife is a type A personality and you want her to get in shape., just put up with the complaining. That Type A mentality might manifest itself into a fitness obsession.
marriage is about give and take.
Quote:
Second, if you're a stay-at-home mother & it's the scenario of that he's just walked in the door, DO NOT expect him to jump into "daddy" mode 5 seconds in the house. I can tell you as a man I need "transition time," which is time to change over from work role to home role. I need time to wind down, I am NOT going to hit the ground running 5 seconds in the house. Grant me 15-30 minutes to do that & I'm going to be there for you, refuse and you'll receive a very snappy response.
Also, maybe the father doesn't need to take care of the child, maybe depending on the child's age they can take care of themselves for awhile. Infant-age that's not going to happen, but they do nap a lot, so take advantage of that, and as for older children, even (say) 2 or so, they can entertain themselves for awhile. Take that time to go in the bedroom and be alone, make it clear you're not to be interrupted. Quit with the idea that someone has to be watching the kids every single second, they don't.
As a "man" you need transition time? For real? Where is my transition time when I get home? Have you ever been a stay at home parent?
Honestly, this mandated quiet time for the kids is a personal issue that both parents need to agree on how they would handle.
Quote:
By the way, I'm a husband & a father, and we would do that to our kids when they were 1 & 3. Playpen or whatever for the 1 year old, the 3 year old could play with blocks. Do that and DON'T COME IN HERE in the bedroom while we're relaxing, such would last 30-60 minutes and it made all the difference.
Not all kids are created equal. Some can climb out of a playpen quite easily. lol. Again, this is a personal issue that parents need work out what is best for their family If this worked for you, great. Relaxing time is much easier for us after the kids go to bed.
Quote:
The main thing is this--women, and this goes for men too, need to understand that as their spouse is bound to just them, they need to be the best they can be in this regard, rather than thinking that them being restricted to just you means that you can let yourself go because no matter how large you get he's not allowed to stray. That's VERY disrespectful. The proper perspective is the one that says "my guy is only allowed to be with me, & so he deserves the best I can give him" and then do it. As the lady said, no excuses. Tiredness isn't an excuse. Having children isn't an excuse. Being too busy doing whatever else isn't an excuse. And again, the guy should do the same as well. Loving fishing isn't an excuse. Tiredness from work isn't an excuse. Your job isn't an excuse. "You knew I'd get fat when you married me" isn't an excuse.
It doesn't mean the wife has to look like Selma Hayek or the guy like Christian Bale, but do the best with what you have, short of running yourself into the ground or eating bean sprouts for life.
LRH
I agree with this, but sometimes giving the best ALL THE TIME. People get burned out. I'm with you on general principal though.
Goodness, there is a whole bunch of misdirected energy here.
I have been supportive of this women and think the outrage is pretty much false
I'm married - very happily in fact
My wife was pregnant for around 23 months in a 35 month span - losing one pregnancy at 20 weeks, having our first born delivered by c-section after over 30 hours of labor and the second also had bleeding complications after a c-section that kept her in the surgery room for an extra hour or so and pretty much confined to bed for a day
She had vein issues - most of which were very painful and some that resulted in surgery in areas that I would never want to imagine surgery
Even with this I know many women have had it worse, but I'm definitely well aware of the impact of pregnancy and a whole gamut of changes
Also, I supported my wife when she wanted to join a community band and get back to playing an instrument like she did in college, going out with friends, extra time at work and now something that she's been very active with is running ...she knocked down her first half marathon before our littlest one was 18 months ..... it took a lot of training and dedication on her part and I was more than happy to support her
She is starting to train again and I am more than willing to support her again - it's what she loves to do and gives her a goal to work towards ..... it takes a lot of time, but she makes it work .... she was even frustrated with some recent leg surgeries and worked with the doctors to accelerate the timeline so she could get on a training schedule, even though it brought on more initial pain, etc for her instead of spreading it out
She used to say "thanks for letting me......." and I would always stop her short there - I don't "let" her do anything of the sort, I will always support my partner in their interests and health
I also would never, ever expect her to do any of this "for me" .... all of these interests are "for her" - it's her interest and her pursuit ... i'm just there to be a rock and help out, other than that i'm pretty irrelevant to the motivations or process
For what it's worth, the women who provides our daycare has 5 kids of her own and has a better physique than the women in this article ...... she puts in the work and has created a good situation for herself
I think it's sad that people get into all the negativity that has been on display on this thread - then again, I guess it's expected when the prism of which they look through the world is exposed, from gender roles on down
What you and your wife have going sounds wonderful and healthy. It's great to have solid support system.
You lost me with this negativity thing. What negativity? Who has a narrow view? Not everyone's situation is the same, not everyone's interests are the same.
Lesson 1 here: Posting on the internet. If you put something out there, image or message, that is meant to target a narrow audience, please put a inkling of thought on how the message can be taken if it went viral.
Or people can get overthemselves and not give enough weight to the opinion of an anonymous stranger to alter in any way, shape or form how they feel about themselves.
Or people can get overthemselves and not give enough weight to the opinion of an anonymous stranger to alter in any way, shape or form how they feel about themselves.
Or you can have a discussion about it. It's fun to talk.
A big gap between discussion and being offended - let alone being offended with a dose of character attacks, etc
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