Why So Hard For So Many Husbands To Stand Up To Their Wives? (death, independent)

[fly_me]

Originally Posted by Dragonmam

My husband uses the "wife won't let me" excuse all the time to get out of things he himself doesn't care to go to so I'm wondering if this is really as prevalent as suggested.

Exactly what I said. I have been an excuse many times. I agree.

[fly_me]

Originally Posted by AnywhereElse

I hope the OP reflects on this. I think the issue may be with the massage therapist trying to make get-away dates with his/her clients, not about husbands standing up to their wives. Most men I know that have wives and families prefer the company of the family versus that of a single person, just not that much in common to go on a get-away. Also, with children involved, often times parents share in the caretaking and household duties, so one parent going off creates an issue for the family.

Seems in this case, there really isn't any kind of debate. Definitely seems more like a relationship issue, not with husbands standing up to their wives, but massage therapist trying to have a get-away weekend with clients. Seems kind of creepy to me, and my bet is that these men are using the "wife escape" clause as to not offend the OP.

Lets face it. OP
You may be one of the 6% that does not give happy ending (yes even high end places do) but there will always be a stigma with massage therapy. I don't know if you are male or female. That would help us to know more and your profile didn't say. I have a gf that is a true healer and extensively studied massage. I am not thinking what 90% of people do about them. They are very needed people.

[Spuggy]

Yep, I've heard the "my wife isn't interested in this or that and if only I could find a female friend to go with me" or the "my wife is bossy and mean" or " my wife doesn't understand me" and then they wait and see if you sympathize, yep met this type. I don't believe most of them can't stand up to their wives at all, that just seems like an excuse and attempt to blame.

[rodentraiser]

Originally Posted by DeCastro

Yeah but usually women pressure guys into getting married, anyway. I will never understand why a woman has to give a man an ultimatum in order to get him to commit.

You sound like one of those women who think everything is always the man's fault. It is a fact that MANY women use sex as a weapon in relationships. It's funny that women complain when their man doesn't try to have sex with them enough and then they use it as an excuse to go out and cheat on a man, but when a wife never wants sex then it is always the man's fault. Maybe if your man sucks in bed you should communicate with him and help him get better vs never having sex with him again. It works both ways. Women like you make me glad I am not married.

If women can pressure a man into getting married like that, maybe I should consider being a car salesman (or woman). Just think of the commission I could be making! But I'm curious, what ultimatum could any woman give to a man who didn't want to commit? Sex? He can go out and buy that. Or just say no (it works, you know). Otherwise, unless she's holding his family hostage or threatening to kill him, he doesn't need to get married.

But I can see the problem right there. Any man in this world who's going to get married because he's facing an ultimatum is going to be the underdog in his marriage. And whose problem is that? Certainly not mine. I learned to stand up for myself and say no a long time ago.

Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist

Oftentimes but not always, it's because she's near or past the Wall, and needs to lock down a stable provider right away. Marriage, once a beautiful institution "to join these two in holy matrimony", has become a convenient way for women to lock him down. And such men get into marriage due to fear of not getting sex otherwise, or fear not fitting in with our couple-oriented society. Think about it: naturally desirable men don't get marriage ultimatums. Their company, in women's eyes, is its own reward; no lock-down necessary.

Don't look at me. I'm a woman who's as poor as a church mouse and 60 years old and I would NEVER get married to someone who let me walk all over him, no matter how much money and comfort they might offer in marriage. But then, I have some self respect. But many men would rather pick someone who looks prettier than me and then complain because she bullies him. Go figure.

[JaxRhapsody]

Originally Posted by UNC4Me

What an terrible wife! She should have been willing to overlook all other shortcomings of the house since clearly a garage work bench and storage area are the end all and be all of a perfect home.

But you, nor any of us know what the house looks like, we just know what made the husband happy. It could be a sardin can with a garage with enough room for a work bench and motorcycle/storage, it may be too big of a house with a kitchen a chef could wet himself over and hardwood floors as far as the eye can see. We don't know. We just know he was happy about a garage that had a work bench and maybe fit six cars, and a probably decent sized storage room/facility.

[JaxRhapsody]

Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948

Answer to original post
Because marriage law has gone from an unfair lopsided institution against women
To one against men
No fault law is anything but no fault
People want justice
They are not getting it
Men don’t stand up bek they don’t want to get knocked down

What it is, is a paradigm shift, and any spectator can see that from our surface view, looking at news, and entertainment, seeing people in public. We can't sit and analyze individuals in their relationships, but when you see enough of something broadly, you know somethings up. If you visit an area often and start seeing skinny jeans and 75¢ PBRs, you're gonna think a paradigm shift and a slowly growing era of hipsters. It is what it is. Husbands being afraid of their wives or whatever...there's enough of it to notice. I mean you can say a Mitsubishi Gallant is a great car, but I've seen so many banged up and wrecked compared to other cars. One could say; "I know three or four couples intimately and they aren't this at all," and that's hardly one percent of the married population and hardly one percent of the sum of married couples you know. Just ones you're close with.

[JaxRhapsody]

Originally Posted by artillery77

That's easy.

The wife is the boss. She's #1 and in charge. Most guys know this.

The husband is just a really bad employee. Sometimes he even gets fired from things because he does them terribly. Husbands are also bad listeners in social settings....scientifically speaking it's been proven that they can't hear things like...it's time to go if there's too much going on. Guys have single tracked minds whereas wives tend to be able to multi-task.

Now, that's not sexist. These aren't qualities that men and women have. It's qualities that husbands and wives have.

This bullspit irratates me and I don't know why anybody would want that dynamic. Besides, sometimes a guy doesn't feel like leaving and that's where that balance comes in. Really those are nearly stereotypes. Nome of this "wife is boss" will fly with me. Some peoples principals are just screwed up. I'll discuss anything that doesn't pertain to what's mine, I'll not do something if valid reasons are stated, otherwise I do what I want, when I want. I'll share the house workload, or I won't do anything. Withhold sex, I'll get it elsewhere. I'm laidback enough to be reasoned with, the only thing for certain about me is the money I make is mine, and my car is mine.

[JaxRhapsody]

Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth

Let's hear it for subservience! Boy, wasn't that great? And while we're at it, let's dial back the Civil Rights movement, so we won't have any more uppity .... "those" people....around. Everyone needs to know their place! Yes sir! At least that would do away with white male unemployment, wouldn't it? Who let all those other people into the job market, in the first place?! Boy, this country's really gone to the dogs, hasn't it?

"Not saying we need to hop back in the wayback machine." Ergo; no need to go back to that era. It was a comparison from then till now of what was and what is. Looking at how home life was between the sexes, and how the entertainment media portrayed it, as well as...and this is a big on...how domestic violence was seen, grew and evolved, especially with reconized spousal abuse, which is probably why the courts are so hard on men, now. That is how it was. Womens Lib, a flip with entertainment, reconizing domestic violence...all apart of a slow thirty year or so paradigm shift. I'm not advocating any of that stuff, I am however, one of "those" people. That's how I know nobody reads my status.

[MillennialUrbanist]

Originally Posted by JaxRhapsody

This bullspit irratates me and I don't know why anybody would want that dynamic. Besides, sometimes a guy doesn't feel like leaving and that's where that balance comes in. Really those are nearly stereotypes. Nome of this "wife is boss" will fly with me. Some peoples principals are just screwed up. I'll discuss anything that doesn't pertain to what's mine, I'll not do something if valid reasons are stated, otherwise I do what I want, when I want. I'll share the house workload, or I won't do anything. Withhold sex, I'll get it elsewhere. I'm laidback enough to be reasoned with, the only thing for certain about me is the money I make is mine, and my car is mine.

I find this really funny, just not funny ha-ha. Think about it: people always tell what to do when you're little, and when you're an adult/fully mature, you get personal freedom. Pretty normal, right? And yet, getting married and repeating "yes, dear" ad nauseam is a sign of even more maturity. WTF? And speaking of sex, I lost all interest in it. So when I hear about wives using sex as a weapon, I just chuckle and smirk.

[JaxRhapsody]

Originally Posted by Giesela

You may not be getting the truth for one thing. People will say all sorts of things, like I love art when they don't mean it, just to make conversation or make themselves look more interesting, then blame the spouse for why they dont pursue it.

Second I see far more controlling men then women in relationships by a factor about about a bazillion.

Men have complained about and blamed things on their wives forever. That's the nature of the male. For that they get housekeeping, cooked meals, nursing care, child care, social lives and all manner of support which allows them to live longer.

I worked in a male environment for 40 years. Saw all manner of class b bachlorhood and misbehavior along with the married man lies of my wife doesn't sleep with me anymore. When divorced they always get remarried.

Yet women typically out live men...