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So they had a nanny and I also read he grew up in a well-off family and he and his siblings all went to private school but that Go Fund Me went up awfully quick, didn’t it?
Yeah. It's all just crazy. I'm even surprised by how much of his feelings he shared 4 days after this all happened on the gofundme page. I'm guessing he's still in shock or hasn't processed it all. I just can't imagine sharing my thoughts with so many people after going through such trauma. What he wrote was beautiful but it all seemed so fast.
Chicagoliz,
I don't know why you're in such disbelief. It's not 1927 anymore when people had 5-6 kids to go work on the farm. In this day and age where kids are expensive AF, it's absolutely a status symbol to have lots of kids. Why do you think so many stop after one or two? I'm sure a lot of it has to do with finances.
Most colleges are upwards of 40k+ a year (at least). That's almost 700k when all is said and done to send four kids to college for bachelors degrees. Do you really think the average person can afford that?!
Rich people have them to show they can afford them and poor people have them because they know they get more benefits with every additional child. It's like that famous viral question that asks: What's classy if you're rich and trashy if you're poor? Florida is the common answer but it could also be lots of kids.
I'm not saying it's the only reason people have 3+ kids but in certain groups or enclaves, it can absolutely be seen as a status symbol. My close friend's sister is one of those ultra-wealthy and posh West Village/Meatpacking District types someone else on this thread was talking about and she has four kids all at expensive private schools in Manhattan. Because of her I know for a fact it's definitely a statusy thing in those kinds of cliques.
Mostly just because I've never encountered or heard of such a thing. I'm not saying it's impossible in some enclaves with which I am not familiar. I don't know many uber-rich people personally, and of the uber-rich famous people, I am not aware of too many that have a gaggle of kids.
It's not just the monetary expense involved with having a lot of kids. They take a lot of emotional investment, too. And going through a pregnancy to have them is not at all fun. I know some super wealthy people use surrogates, but even when you are willing to pay, it is still hard to find a surrogate. And you have to go through the time, energy and expense to create the embryos in the first place. And then the surrogate has to have a successful pregnancy. It's not like ordering a sofa.
I'm not saying there aren't some people who do this. People do all kinds of f*cked up things. I just have a hard time believing it is widespread, since I haven't encountered it.
Chicagoliz,
I’m not sure if it’s an age gap/age difference thing or a regional thing (I’m assuming you’re originally from the Midwest) or what but I’m sure if I asked my father if he grew up with plenty of people who had four, five and, six siblings, he’d say he knew quite a few. Personally, I didn’t know many people at all with more than one or two siblings. If there was a family with four or more kids, it was definitely considered large when I was growing up in MA. Three kids was bordering on large and starting to go in the bigger family direction. From the eighties and nineties on, most people only had one or two kids because again, that’s what they could afford. Nowadays, do you really hear of loads of families having lots of kids?! No! And if they do, they’re most likely well off or not so well off. I really don’t get what’s so hard to understand here unless we’re just in very different age demographics. The people who agreed with me on this thread appear to be around my age from what I can tell, so I’m thinking it has to be. Again, kids are expensive and it’s not about putting them to work on the farm anymore.
Msrb311,
I completely agree on the go fund me. My father and I were having the very same conversation. My dad agreed that he probably wouldn’t be able to function at all, let alone take to the computer to praise my mother if she did something like that. And I said the same thing about sheer shock.
Chicagoliz,
I’m not sure if it’s an age gap/age difference thing or a regional thing (I’m assuming you’re originally from the Midwest) or what but I’m sure if I asked my father if he grew up with plenty of people who had four, five and, six siblings, he’d say he knew quite a few. Personally, I didn’t know many people at all with more than one or two siblings. If there was a family with four or more kids, it was definitely considered large when I was growing up in MA. Three kids was bordering on large and starting to go in the bigger family direction. From the eighties and nineties on, most people only had one or two kids because again, that’s what they could afford. Nowadays, do you really hear of loads of families having lots of kids?! No! And if they do, they’re most likely well off or not so well off. I really don’t get what’s so hard to understand here unless we’re just in very different age demographics. The people who agreed with me on this thread appear to be around my age from what I can tell, so I’m thinking it has to be. Again, kids are expensive and it’s not about putting them to work on the farm anymore.
Large families are a lot less common, but I don't think the major driver for the ones that there are is as status symbol, or as you so tastefully put it, "because they know they get more benefits with every additional child". I am aware of the "status symbol" large families, but those are rare cases because, almost by definition, the people rich enough to make those sorts of decisions are a fraction of a fraction of the population. Sure, if you live on the UES that will seem common, but to the rest of the US it is not.
Most of the large families I know are large for regions of religious objection to family planning/active encouragement for large families. Very occasionally you will run into a family where it seems the reason was to get a boy/girl (i.e. younger brother with three older sisters) or where there is a blended family.
In this particular case, having three kids as a status symbol is unlikely.
I'm sure people have more kids for reasons beyond, 'we have the money.' I think some people (mostly mothers) get this feeling their family isn't 'complete'. If it's an image thing it could be to show everyone, look how happy we are over here, we just keep on having kids. I have known a few women who had kids later in life and I really think some of them did it just to show that they could take on more. Like look at me, I am holding down a career, marriage, kids and I have all this energy to have more.
I think we're better about mental health awareness but still lots of people trying to put forth an image that everything is great. It still seems like no one ever ever wants to be that person having any type of mental health issues where they need to ask for help.
Remy, yes social media can be really odd. I have no idea how that man had the energy to write all that 3 or 4 days after all of this...it was actually only 1 day after the 3rd baby died. People grieve differently I guess. If i ever go through a tragedy I don't think I'd want a gofundme page circulating around. My privacy would be more important to me than money unless I really and truly needed it.
Chicagoliz,
I’m not sure if it’s an age gap/age difference thing or a regional thing (I’m assuming you’re originally from the Midwest) or what but I’m sure if I asked my father if he grew up with plenty of people who had four, five and, six siblings, he’d say he knew quite a few. Personally, I didn’t know many people at all with more than one or two siblings. If there was a family with four or more kids, it was definitely considered large when I was growing up in MA. Three kids was bordering on large and starting to go in the bigger family direction. From the eighties and nineties on, most people only had one or two kids because again, that’s what they could afford. Nowadays, do you really hear of loads of families having lots of kids?! No! And if they do, they’re most likely well off or not so well off. I really don’t get what’s so hard to understand here unless we’re just in very different age demographics. The people who agreed with me on this thread appear to be around my age from what I can tell, so I’m thinking it has to be. Again, kids are expensive and it’s not about putting them to work on the farm anymore.
I actually agree with most of what you said here, so I don't know where our real disagreement lies. I just think that while there are some wealthy families who do this, I don't think it is particularly widespread. I've never lived on the Upper East Side of Manhattan, so I can't claim any familiarity with what goes on there. The few famous and wealthy people I know of who have lived there don't have a million kids. Maybe all the nonfamous people do. Beyond that, I still have a hard time believing this is a widespread phenomenon.
Also, I don't think that people limited themselves to 2 kids based purely on financial reasons, although that certainly plays a large role. Kids take a lot of resources beyond financial ones. They require a significant amount of mental energy and emotional investment. I have 2 kids and a lot of friends who have 2 kids and we all agree that we are mentally spent just with the 2. I don't have the proper time and energy to devote to a 3rd, let alone a 4th kid, even though, dollar-wise, I could afford them.
When they have done studies of how many children people will have, given total open and free access to birth control and questioned about their own desires, the most common number is 2. I don't know a lot of twentysomethings, although many of my friends have kids that age. Few of them are married and none of them want a lot of kids.
The mental energy factor is huge. Some people simply have more than others, doesn't matter how much money they have.
We have some wealthy friends who have 4 kids, they're mostly down to earth but they like to drink a lot and often bring a nanny with them to events. One of their kids is a brat to the point I think he has some issues. The kids are overall very spoiled, kind of lacking in personality. The parents are the nicest people but I can tell they get annoyed with having to be parents.
Another example I can think of is someone I know who had 5. She always seemed to be pawning the kids off to her mother at every opportunity. Her mom was surprised they had a 4th, then they had a 5th. She left her 4 year old daughter with grandma for a week and finally the mother was like, she really should be with you. It just seemed like she couldn't handle the 5 kids and her husband wasn't much help. Some people maybe assume their family will be there to help but grandparents don't necessarily want to be parents again.
I also think many people have less these days due to their ages. If you don't start having kids until your late 30's (which seems to be the case for a lot of people) then in most cases you probably aren't going to end up with more than 2.
We have some wealthy friends who have 4 kids, they're mostly down to earth but they like to drink a lot and often bring a nanny with them to events. One of their kids is a brat to the point I think he has some issues. The kids are overall very spoiled, kind of lacking in personality. The parents are the nicest people but I can tell they get annoyed with having to be parents.
This made me think of a line from Schitt's Creek, after the parents realize how their adult children grew up to be.
Moira: "Have we failed them, John? I'm worried about our children. Are we terrible parents?"
Johnny: "Terrible parents? We sent them to the best boarding schools, we hired the best nannies. We did everything right. I mean, they're not overly affectionate with us and, uh, there's a lot more disrespect than I'd like, but, uh, no, we're good parents."
I'm sure people have more kids for reasons beyond, 'we have the money.' I think some people (mostly mothers) get this feeling their family isn't 'complete'. If it's an image thing it could be to show everyone, look how happy we are over here, we just keep on having kids. I have known a few women who had kids later in life and I really think some of them did it just to show that they could take on more. Like look at me, I am holding down a career, marriage, kids and I have all this energy to have more.
I think we're better about mental health awareness but still lots of people trying to put forth an image that everything is great. It still seems like no one ever ever wants to be that person having any type of mental health issues where they need to ask for help.
Remy, yes social media can be really odd. I have no idea how that man had the energy to write all that 3 or 4 days after all of this...it was actually only 1 day after the 3rd baby died. People grieve differently I guess. If i ever go through a tragedy I don't think I'd want a gofundme page circulating around. My privacy would be more important to me than money unless I really and truly needed it.
It is odd, but some people are odd. My sister's sister-in-law collapsed with a stroke out of nowhere. She was on life support for a few days while they ran all the tests to make sure there was no brain function. Meanwhile, her husband was posting his sorrow on FB about how he was going to lose his wife, "and does anyone want to buy her car?" followed by a link to the details on FB Marketplace.
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