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Well, I am all alone and I have had chronic depression for more years than I want to think about. I have no support. I have people I can call but I am tired of having no one who cares to check on me. I feel so selfish when I put it that way. But it is a feeling that I can't let go of and all I want is to let go of these people.
I am tired of being alone. I am tired of being depressed with no way out. I want to escape but can't no matter what.
All I can do is eat badly. And each time my stomach hurts from that, I feel calmer. I feel supported. :-/ Crazy.
I am not well and have no where to turn.
I'm in no better situation then you but I still hope you get better, this is horribly sad.
I wish I could tell you how much better things will get in the future...because it's true, they will.
You need proper professional psychiatric help. OP I believe you are severely depressed and if so you won't be able to get yourself out of it alone.
Help is there, even if you access it online or something.
OP people do care - what would it do to your mum if you were no longer around? Maybe it would kill her, too.
I called the S.O.S suicide of my country lately, I'm going to call them again after because I really can't cope, I don't know, there is that damn bridge not far away - it could be so easy. Struggling to stay alive while there is just not too far away something that could make everything OK. I dream of it every day of my life, when I'm in too much pain and too scared, or just in the middle of some sort of hysteric crisis, I think about it. Always. I feel the air against me, the sensation, and my head hitting the ground and then nothing, no pain, no fear, nothing at all but peace and tranquility.
My mum sacrificed too many things for me already, maybe she would be sad, a little, but then she will be happy to know that everything is over. I'm not the sort of person to be missed - quite the contrary in fact - when I'm gone, people are happy, relieved.
Most of the time now, I just want to end it all, I try to sleep but It hurt too much everywhere, I'm drugged with medicine but it don't do anything, So I come here, I do things, try to talk, try to do like it's OK somehow, like I'm not dying, literally or not - but everything is fake. I want to cry, to bang my head so hard against a wall that it will break in two, I want to slash my skin and die or just strangle myself with something. It's like I'm in quicksand, the more I try to get out, the deeper I sink. I'd like so much to have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, someone, just someone. Because seriously, I have so much love in me it's making me dizzy. But I have no one.
Well, that was the depressed rambling of the day...
Most of the time now, I just want to end it all, I try to sleep but It hurt too much everywhere, I'm drugged with medicine but it don't do anything, So I come here, I do things, try to talk, try to do like it's OK somehow, like I'm not dying, literally or not - but everything is fake. I want to cry, to bang my head so hard against a wall that it will break in two, I want to slash my skin and die or just strangle myself with something. It's like I'm in quicksand, the more I try to get out, the deeper I sink. I'd like so much to have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, someone, just someone. Because seriously, I have so much love in me it's making me dizzy. But I have no one.
Well, that was the depressed rambling of the day...
Do you see a therapist?
It sounds like some therapy may be in order....
research cognitive behavioral therapists in your area.
Well, i'm on lamaline, two morphin injections a day ( a woman come home and gave it to me) and a little xanax for the anxiety.
Since i can't mix everything up, I had to stop many pills i was taking before too : (
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