Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Please name one rich celeb who has lost HALF his earnings to an ex-girlfriend.
Please explain why a guy like Hugh Hefner who has had plenty of ex-girlfriends still has his mansion while most ex-husbands get their houses taken away.
With an icon like Heffner, you are quite right to evaluate relationships from a strictly monetary and sexual perspective. More power to you.
Quite a few of us choose to look at a potential lifemate as an object of caring, emotion, commitment, sharing, pursuing and fulfilling Nature's design, possibly growing old together and, God forbid, even pursuing the anachronistic concept of having children.
That so many fail, but then regroup, and move on to other relationships speaks voulmes of the natural instincts in human beings to mate and commit to lifelong relationships.
As "unromantic" as it may sound, marriage is a business contract. When theres a divorce, money, property, etc gets divided. Unfortunately, the laws are biased against men the vast majority of the time. That is why nowadays, a prenup is essential.
For every woman that gets a dime from some high profile ex-boyfriend, there are a few million women who get bank off the average joe ex-husbands.
Where are the "average joes" getting "bank" as you put it? I mean there are such things as pre-nuptual agreements.
And, the whole girlfriend with a child route is not advised at all. I knew someone who had a rotten marriage with two kids, and it ended. After a couple of years, he had a great new relationship and was living with a girlfriend and their young daughter together. They planned to get married, since things worked out well, but they wanted everything to be perfect. Well, disaster struck, and he died in a freak accident while diving. This left his girlfriend with few legal protections and set about years of litigation with a hostile ex-wife and trashing the step-sisters' relationships with one another.
The ex-wife had never lived in the house he and his girlfriend bought together and it was never intended for the children from the first marriage as he left the marital house in that situation for his daughters' benefit. No matter, she still went after the new house and got a claim to his share for the children, all out of spite.
Furthermore, the girlfriend had no legal leg to stand on in terms of filing suit over his death since they had not yet been married in terms of replacing his income as part of the marriage, not just a smaller settlement with the estate for the children that she had to split with the other two. Yes, her kid got a share, but the home she knew was ripped out from under her, to enrich her step-sisters at her expense.
I dont care if people like the idea of not being married or look with disdain on an old-fashioned relationship, since when your physician boyfriend is killed in a freak accident, having one gives you a legal leg upon which to stand, whcih is something that anyone who has a loving relationship and a child involved should have. Get married at city hall and don't tell anyone if that's the way you want to live. Romantic, religious, moral, whatever other arguments aside, it boils down to economics and legal standing in a worst case scenario and providing for one's loved ones.
Again, an old-fashioned piece of paper as some may argue is legally enforceable, and with a pre-nuptual agreement, things are spelled out as to who owns what and what happens in the event of a divorce, which can be supplemented with a post-nuptual agreement as well.
So, yeah, living with a girlfriend and a kid is a great way to plan to live, if one is selfish and don't care about their long-term well-being. And, even people who don't intend for that to happen end up with it happening, so it's not a wise proposition to even start out that way.
dreaded question-- if one is 46, never married, very committed to the job (been there since i was 28), hetero, has some difficulties with anxiety (not depression though), socialization issues, money issues and ambivalence, do people look down on this? I have once heard a woman say if a man isn't hitched in his 40's he's got too many problems which hurts but I know there a re some guys my age who aren't married but just in a relationship. i would like some ideas on this since this is a never talked about issue
It depends upon the woman and the type of relationship you are both seeking at that point. It's more to do with being settled in the ways that can change perspective, since younger people are more readily able to have a union and not want things done "just so." Some, not all, are like this. It also depends upon where you meet the woman, since you may have a better chance of meeting someone who is more in tune with you at a club or group to which you both belong, having the common interest is a great help. I don't think it's over if you're not married in the 40s, since some men have a first marriage in their 50s and beyond.
dreaded question-- if one is 46, never married, very committed to the job (been there since i was 28), hetero, has some difficulties with anxiety (not depression though), socialization issues, money issues and ambivalence, do people look down on this? I have once heard a woman say if a man isn't hitched in his 40's he's got too many problems which hurts but I know there a re some guys my age who aren't married but just in a relationship. i would like some ideas on this since this is a never talked about issue
Hardly a problem re: your age. People do it all the time - just don't propose to the woman whose comments you overheard.
1. Not even death can save you from getting fleeced by your ex-wife.
2. Guys like your buddy who received a lesson on how marriage/divorce works, prefer a girlfriend & kids to marriage & kids.
3. Women are the ones who primarily benefit from a marriage contract.
He could saved all this hassle by NOT getting married in the first place. His 3 kids would've each gotten their FAIR SHARE when he died. Ex-wives and "fair share" don't exist togther.
Weren't you the one who said finances have nothing to do with marriage? And now you say:
"Romantic, religious, moral, whatever other arguments aside, it boils down to economics and legal standing in a worst case scenario and providing for one's loved ones."
Quote:
Originally Posted by bmwguydc
Where are the "average joes" getting "bank" as you put it? I mean there are such things as pre-nuptual agreements.
And, the whole girlfriend with a child route is not advised at all. I knew someone who had a rotten marriage with two kids, and it ended. After a couple of years, he had a great new relationship and was living with a girlfriend and their young daughter together. They planned to get married, since things worked out well, but they wanted everything to be perfect. Well, disaster struck, and he died in a freak accident while diving. This left his girlfriend with few legal protections and set about years of litigation with a hostile ex-wife and trashing the step-sisters' relationships with one another.
The ex-wife had never lived in the house he and his girlfriend bought together and it was never intended for the children from the first marriage as he left the marital house in that situation for his daughters' benefit. No matter, she still went after the new house and got a claim to his share for the children, all out of spite.
Furthermore, the girlfriend had no legal leg to stand on in terms of filing suit over his death since they had not yet been married in terms of replacing his income as part of the marriage, not just a smaller settlement with the estate for the children that she had to split with the other two. Yes, her kid got a share, but the home she knew was ripped out from under her, to enrich her step-sisters at her expense.
I dont care if people like the idea of not being married or look with disdain on an old-fashioned relationship, since when your physician boyfriend is killed in a freak accident, having one gives you a legal leg upon which to stand, whcih is something that anyone who has a loving relationship and a child involved should have. Get married at city hall and don't tell anyone if that's the way you want to live. Romantic, religious, moral, whatever other arguments aside, it boils down to economics and legal standing in a worst case scenario and providing for one's loved ones.
Again, an old-fashioned piece of paper as some may argue is legally enforceable, and with a pre-nuptual agreement, things are spelled out as to who owns what and what happens in the event of a divorce, which can be supplemented with a post-nuptual agreement as well.
So, yeah, living with a girlfriend and a kid is a great way to plan to live, if one is selfish and don't care about their long-term well-being. And, even people who don't intend for that to happen end up with it happening, so it's not a wise proposition to even start out that way.
This is a generalization!! I know many men in that age range who are married, engaged, or who are in serious relationships that may lead to marriage.
Yes, there are many options in NY (in any large city); yes, many people are career focused here, so they may marry later. But again, in my personal experience, most of my guy friends who are all FROM NY or lived in NY for a LOOOOOONG time are engaged, married, or in a serious relationship.
There are millions of people here. We aren't all the same. ;-)
I think this tends to apply more to transplants than men who actually grew up in NY.
Hardly a problem re: your age. People do it all the time - just don't propose to the woman whose comments you overheard.
you just gave me my first laugh of the day!!
It's a pleasure, rlrl. You're a good man. I've read some of your posts. I say, go for it and make some lucky woman happy.
Why, I never give up - with all I've got going against me. Only the other day, I met this sexy, mini-skirted, curvaceous blonde from Harvard who winked at me as we were coming out the subway. I thought, "Wow, beauty plus brains. I must have died and gone to heaven." We talk a little and just as we were about to exchange numbers at the top of the stairs, I slipped. See, I was falling all over for her - unfortunately for me, literally and figuratively. As I cascaded down the stairs, head over heels, my toupee fell off, upper and lowers flew out of my mouth, belt straps broke loose revealing my 46 waist, and my Geritol crashed against the floor making a mess.
I looked around, and for some reason she was no longer smiling. In fact, she was nowhere to be seen.
You ain't got troubles, buddy. Good luck in finding that gal of your dreams.
Miles! You cannot simply be as bad as you make yourself out to be. In any event, any chance we can help you with a make-over? I can give you literally hundreds of dieting and exercise tips, as well as fashion tips, hair styles etc (as can probably most of the other females on the board). There is generally somebody for everybody out there. Or are you just yanking our chain with your albeit amusing (said in friendliness and not sarcasm) downgrading of yourself. When is the next meet-up, I want to see for myself!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
!!!
