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After making a mid career change by going back to school, I've spent the past month job hunting and my applications have been getting some positive feedback, mostly with phone screens and a couple of invitations to face to face (F2F) interviews. I had to decline one F2F interview as the hourly salary they were paying was too low and relocation assistance was not provided, while housing, car and food expenses were too high. I'm awaiting a response from another F2F interviewer about the salary range they're offering since it wasn't in the ad and there was no phone interview where I could have asked. While a third F2F interview depends on me passing some certification exams.
Back to the subject of this thread. I've been living in my parents' spare bedroom for the past month in what was supposed to be a temporary situation until I get back on my feet. There's been some tension, namely:
Whenever I tell my dad about contacts with potential employers, he rudely interrupts and says I write too much, talk too much..have bad time management, etc.. annoying
I've heard my dad bash me to my mom behind my back
Dad is insisting I tell him how much a potential employer is offering (salary)- I think it's none of his business and declined to give a number ...then he got mad. It's not like I ask him how much his pension or former job paid
Dad often rants about various things and when I brought it up to my mom, she defended him and said arguing was normal (oh really?)
Dad actually checks what I am doing during the daytime when I'm on my PC and asks if I've finished various tasks that he feels are important and if I don't answer with the progress of exact task he "assigned" me to do during my job hunt, he gets mad. Who is he to tell me what to do?
I feel he's being controlling and then getting bent out of shape when I don't "comply". He's acting like he's the boss and I'm his subordinate.
Both mom and dad complain about what time I get up and go to bed. It's lights out by 10pm according to them...which is too early by my standards. It gets annoying to be treated as a child.
My dad keeps freaking out about some optional certification exams...the agency that administers them called to postpone one and frankly I haven't had much time to study. I'm focusing on job hunting primarily and getting my foot in the door. It's causing friction.
I wonder if there's any use to try and get them to see it my way, be more open minded despite the daily dose of negativity, avoid my parents as much as possible during the day or move out despite the fact that I'm unemployed with little income.
Who is he?
Well, I'd say he's the one who owns the house you're living in for free (I'm assuming that since you are unemployed and state that you have "little income", you don't pay rent).
And he's probably the one who is feeding you (see the above statement).
And most definitely he's the one who is paying for the electricity that your computer uses (ditto).
I'm sure they're as eager for you to get a job and move out as you are....
He's only been there a month, and is actively involved in a job search. It's not like he's been there a year or two, and is just slobbing around & playing video games all day. I find it dismaying that people feel that an adult child in the middle of a career change living at home for a couple of months to look for a job is somehow beyond the pale, and a grave imposition. "Family" doesn't seem to be worth much in American culture.
And you're taking his side at face value. Who knows the drama that's going inside the house, other than his side? I doubt he's as respectful as he's projecting and they're not the unreasonable trolls he's portraying them to be. Look, he had to know his father's temperament before he moved back so none of this should come as a surprise.
Well, I'd say he's the one who owns the house you're living in for free (I'm assuming that since you are unemployed and state that you have "little income", you don't pay rent).
And he's probably the one who is feeding you (see the above statement).
And most definitely he's the one who is paying for the electricity that your computer uses (ditto).
I'm sure they're as eager for you to get a job and move out as you are....
Then the parents should stop micromanaging. At this point they are impeding the job search with their endless comments and complaints.
What kind of miserable people need to make an urgent job search all about THEM?
Well, I'd say he's the one who owns the house you're living in for free (I'm assuming that since you are unemployed and state that you have "little income", you don't pay rent).
And he's probably the one who is feeding you (see the above statement).
And most definitely he's the one who is paying for the electricity that your computer uses (ditto).
I'm sure they're as eager for you to get a job and move out as you are....
Right, so it's basically blackmail. If the OP has the gall to expect his parents would be willing to help him (or her) out in a (hopefully-) brief transitional period in life, then by gum, s/he better be willing to take criticism and verbal abuse, because that's part of the bargain. Those who have leverage have the right to browbeat their kids at any point in life that they may need a little help. That's the deal. If offspring have the unreasonable expectation of a couple of months of love and support through a challenge in life, well, they've got another think coming. Darn tootin'!
[quote=Ruth4Truth;48501095]They're hounding the OP every day, though. They're over-involved. He's already answered their questions, they already know that progress is being made. They want him to stop the progress, and study for certifications instead. And I doubt they suddenly decided to sell the house just before, or as the OP moved back in temporarily.
The fact that the OP is living at home while conducting his job search doesn't give the parents the right to micro-manage his search and tear it apart. And the problem is, when he gives brief answers ("I sent out another batch of applications today" or "I've got a couple of interviews next week"), instead of being supportive, as one would expect parents to be, they pick apart his strategy, criticize what he's doing, and tell him to study instead of apply for jobs. At some point, the OP needs to draw a line.[/QUOTEOH]
Oh I am agree with you that the parents shouldn't be micro-managing his search on a daily basis. No one likes to feel like they're under the microscope. Especially when they're out of work and job hunting.
I wonder(and I said this earlier) if the OP ever explained to the parents and showed them on the computer how one applies for work these days? The parents who are retired are at an age where that's not how they did it, and the dad probably had one job for 35 years. Sitting them down and showing them actually what he is doing might relieve some of the tension.
I remember about 20 years ago my father asking me why I seemed to change jobs every 5 years, because he had one job for 30 years. I explained to him there is no more loyalty today and the norm is to move on when you feel you can't go any further at that company. He got it.
But you don't telll anyone who is letting you stay in their home(and this looks to be rent free) whether it's your older parents, your sibling, or a friend when they want to know what the status is and they want to get a feel for how long you might be a houseguest "relax, everything is fine", it's downplaying their concerns and poor communication.
Right, so it's basically blackmail. If the OP has the gall to expect his parents would be willing to help him (or her) out in a (hopefully-) brief transitional period in life, then by gum, s/he better be willing to take criticism and verbal abuse, because that's part of the bargain. Those who have leverage have the right to browbeat their kids at any point in life that they may need a little help. That's the deal. If offspring have the unreasonable expectation of a couple of months of love and support through a challenge in life, well, they've got another think coming. Darn tootin'!
Have you looked at his posting history? Maybe that'll change your mind.
They want me to study for and schedule optional certification exams ASAP because these exams could help me in a couple of jobs I applied to. However I'm finding it difficult to find the motivation to spend the time on those exams when I've applied to a number of jobs and am getting some leads with phone/in person interviews. Job hunting is my #1 priority while I can always do the exams at a later date.
Your parents are right, and they're angry that you are wasting time sitting around after a phone interview when you could be "pretending" to work 8 hours a day by doing your exams and getting more certifications.
If you are living under their roof for your dream to do whatever it is you are wanting to do, that caused you to decide to quit the career you were already in, you owe it to them to do whatever it takes to get back on your feet and become a responsible human being again. They probably resent you being there when they were enjoying their retirement.
I wish people who decide to go through mid-career changes and extended job-hunting processes would plan ahead by saving enough money to cover several months of living expenses, so that they can handle their life changes without inconveniencing others. That is what being independent is all about. If you are dependent on them, then you really have no choice.
I'd be hounding him too, because I want him off my dang couch and out of that bedroom I was going to turn into my crafts room.
This is our time now, we're retired, and it wasn't our bright idea to up and quit a career he already had without planning for it by saving up enough money to live on.
It's not like he's some college-aged guy that just can't find a job. He's been out of the house for some time already and now is back. It would be so frustrating to me!
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