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Except I never mentioned any loophole nor anything else you are imagining in order to attack the OP.
No more attacking the OP, just stop
**sigh**
No, to attack me, when you chose a phrase I specifically used and made this false assumption, "If you are not close to your son/daughter in the first place, which makes sense with these hostile comments towards adult children running their life..."
You have no idea who here is close to their son or daughter. We can judge the validity of the OP's claims given her description of the situation, but you now are just tossing out grenades at people who dare to question your statements.
Nevermind. I can see this is gonna go nowhere.
OP, tell your mom you're embarrassed by her PDA, realize that you are PART of her life but not her WHOLE life, get a job, start saving money and get your own place.
We don't know that the mother "has been putting her first for years". The mother was young, presumably immature, and not ready to raise a child. She might have a history of going from guy to guy and putting her daughter on the back burner. Why is everyone jumping to defend the mother?
Because the mother has graciously allowed her grown daughter to move back in her house, even though she is in a romantic relationship.
Seems that the OP is even offended when they hold hands, so now I'm even less inclined to believe that their "at home" behavior is truly inappropriate.
I think it's mostly just misplaced jealousy or envy. OP needs to spend more time focusing on her own future, school, job, relationships, apartment.
For some background I am 26 and live with my mom while going to school. For a little over a year now she has been in a relationship with a younger man, 30. Now she is 43. Honestly, I think it is gross not just because she is with a man more my age but they are very open about it, as in they will kiss and make out even when I am around. It really bothers me and I have told her but she just says "it's my house I can do what I want" "you can't dictate who I am involved with" etc.
Now due to financial difficulty I did move back in after she was in this "relationship" but still, shouldn't she see how I view it as her daughter and tone it way down? The guy she is with is nice and everything but it's not fun seeing this.
We don't know that the mother "has been putting her first for years". The mother was young, presumably immature, and not ready to raise a child. She might have a history of going from guy to guy and putting her daughter on the back burner. Why is everyone jumping to defend the mother?
Because nothing the daughter has said shows the Mom has done anything wrong?
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Boyfriend priority?
I suppose OP doesn't consider the fact that she will eventually move out and have a life of her own and if mom caters to her rather than the boyfriend, mom could be left with nobody.
I doubt daughter will put mom first once she's out on her own.
Excellent point. Meeting people to date in your 40's is NOT easy. If she's got a good thing going now, she needs to nurture that relationship.
No, to attack me, when you chose a phrase I specifically used and made this false assumption, "If you are not close to your son/daughter in the first place, which makes sense with these hostile comments towards adult children running their life..."
You have no idea who here is close to their son or daughter. We can judge the validity of the OP's claims given her description of the situation, but you now are just tossing out grenades at people who dare to question your statements.
Nevermind. I can see this is gonna go nowhere.
OP, tell your mom you're embarrassed by her PDA, realize that you are PART of her life but not her WHOLE life, get a job, start saving money and get your own place.
Yeah, the whole you must not be close to your children like I am if you disagree with me......
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And what if your son said he didn't like anyone you dated? Would you just remain single forever?
Children shouldn't get a say in your dating life (at least 100% that is), period.
The day my sons can have a say in my dating life, is the day I'm dating someone who is bad to them or bad for me. If it came from a caring place, "This man is abusive to you, and maybe you can't see it but I can"...THAT would be very different.
What is so icky to me about this girl's reactions, is that there's no compassion AT ALL for another human it it. Just selfishness. "I'm entitled to more attention than this! Why don't I come first?" Betting the OP doesn't put anyone "first" but herself. She sure doesn't want her mother to be happy.
Goes straight to what my idea of loving another human being looks like, compared to what it seems to look like for some people. My idea of loving someone? Caring about their happiness. Being happy for them, when they are happy. Other people, entitled people, seem to think that proper love is clutching on and using another person to serve your needs, whatever they are, without giving a fig for theirs.
Nope, I am not down with that.
It's entirely possible that Mom has been somewhat selfish all along, and therefore has raised an entitled, selfish daughter who is modeling her attitude. It's also possible that the Mom gave her daughter everything she could, and spoiled her, and she seems to think her Mom (and probably anyone) owes her whatever she wants. The most entitled people I've ever known were the ones who were given everything too easily all their lives, and can't imagine anyone not wanting to give them everything. My own Mom was raised like that by parents who remembered the Depression, and wanted her to have a better life, so they gave her everything. Now she's nearly 60 and since every attempt to get someone to "take care of her" failed, even though she's got two Masters degrees, she is incapable of making good life choices and she's in a really bad situation.
At some point a grown adult has to learn not to impose on, and demand things of, everyone else, and to do things for themselves. 26 is past time for that. And this... I mean, jeez, Mom could be a cat hoarder, or a slob. She could be a crazy, angry person, who yells and throws things. But no, her only "crime" is daring to be happy and her daughter not being in the spotlight as her entire focus in life. Some parents sever ties with kids who don't appreciate them, and never look back. This Mom hasn't done that.
So what if you feel some discomfort every time you go to the kitchen to eat food you probably didn't pay for, or to the living room to watch a TV that's not even yours. If that's the worst discomfort life ever hands you, then count yourself lucky.
And what if your son said he didn't like anyone you dated? Would you just remain single forever?
Children shouldn't get a say in your dating life (at least 100% that is), period.
That would show he has a problem or I a choosing specific people like maybe someone his age. So that would just be common sense. If not, I'd look into what the issue is so we can work together on it.
My 30 year old Friends Dad married within 6 months of her mothers death and it was very hard on her. She cared for her mom her entire life due to her being wheelchair bound, and for a few agonizing years prior to her death. Her Dad really needed someone but it was at the expense of one of the most self-less people I'd ever known. So sad. Surely wished he could've found a way to wait 6 months to date and even longer to date this lady.
In my situation, our son is 27 and lives 2 hrs away. He works for Apple, has a Bachelors Degree, etc.. so there isn't anything wrong with him. He comes up one weekend a month to spend the night and we go down to pick him up to shop at Costco and eat out once a month.
No doubt he'd love a father figure. Would never say such but it's no question he'd want a family unit intact. Not another brother type person, or friend. So because I love him, that would be my goal along with my own companionship. I'd wait to date, for his mental health, probably a year. Otherwise I would start looking immediately, hanging out with people in a neutral fashion. Bike Clubs, hiking club, at the local restaurant (very small town here) etc...
In my situation, our son is 27 and lives 2 hrs away. He works for Apple, has a Bachelors Degree, etc.. so there isn't anything wrong with him. He comes up one weekend a month to spend the night and we go down to pick him up to shop at Costco and eat out once a month.
No doubt he'd love a father figure. Would never say such but it's no question he'd want a family unit intact. Not another brother type person, or friend. So because I love him, that would be my goal along with my own companionship. I'd wait to date, for his mental health, probably a year. Otherwise I would start looking immediately, hanging out with people in a neutral fashion. Bike Clubs, hiking club, at the local restaurant (very small town here) etc...
If he hasn't expressed that, it would be unwise to assume that he would want a replacement daddy. You might find that he feels differently and your plans to rush out and find a new father would backfire.
That would show he has a problem or I a choosing specific people like maybe someone his age. So that would just be common sense. If not, I'd look into what the issue is so we can work together on it.
My 30 year old Friends Dad married within 6 months of her mothers death and it was very hard on her. She cared for her mom her entire life due to her being wheelchair bound, and for a few agonizing years prior to her death. Her Dad really needed someone but it was at the expense of one of the most self-less people I'd ever known. So sad. Surely wished he could've found a way to wait 6 months to date and even longer to date this lady.
In my situation, our son is 27 and lives 2 hrs away. He works for Apple, has a Bachelors Degree, etc.. so there isn't anything wrong with him. He comes up one weekend a month to spend the night and we go down to pick him up to shop at Costco and eat out once a month.
No doubt he'd love a father figure. Would never say such but it's no question he'd want a family unit intact. Not another brother type person, or friend. So because I love him, that would be my goal along with my own companionship. I'd wait to date, for his mental health, probably a year. Otherwise I would start looking immediately, hanging out with people in a neutral fashion. Bike Clubs, hiking club, at the local restaurant (very small town here) etc...
I find this.... different.
My sister is with a widower, with 2 grown daughters. As much as they love her, it never crossed anyone's mind that she should be a mother figure, of course she is much younger than the Dad (15 years).
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