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There is no rush to find a new father figure when/if my husband passes, it;s just part of the deal that people move on and re-marry.
People don't move on and re-marry for the purpose of filling a parental role for their adult children. Sorry, that's not as normal as you seem to believe it is.
My husband nor I wish to be alone. Looking "immediately is a bit dramatic. It was not suggested to look immediately
We are very close and have discussed it. But for our child's well being neither of us would not start looking "immediately" as you;ve stated
Oh, now, Penny. Surely you're not going to try to gaslight me into believing you never said "immediately" and it's a figment of my dramatic imagination? Why, there it is in Post 218.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Penny4YourThoughts
No doubt he'd love a father figure. Would never say such but it's no question he'd want a family unit intact. Not another brother type person, or friend. So because I love him, that would be my goal along with my own companionship. I'd wait to date, for his mental health, probably a year. Otherwise I would start looking immediately, hanging out with people in a neutral fashion. Bike Clubs, hiking club, at the local restaurant (very small town here) etc...
You do love to scold the rest of us about "lies" and "untruths" so I would just like to help you to own your own words.
And if you have never lost a spouse, don't presume about what you might or might not do in that situation. You really won't know until you go through it.
Again, stop the attacks. I never indicated, nor did anyone else, who knows anyone here or their relationship with their kids. Lets use a bit of common sense, this is an anonymous message board.
Again please stop with the false accusations and tossing out "grenades' as you state. A bit dramatic but that is generally of someone of a dysfunctional family. No one finds an anonymous message board as tossing out grenades. Get a grip.
Please calm down. I am sorry if you are not getting along with your own child but that isn't a reason to take any thread from an anonymous message board to such extremes. No one is tossing "grenades" because they do not agree with you. Take a few breathes, a warm bath. Then come back to respond.
Those two things help me sometimes.
Grenade.
Me-ow.
I believe her child(ren) is/are toddler(s).
Lob.
Miss.
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Thank you! I mean, I can just come out of my room and go to the living room and they are all into it.
I really don't get why this guy or any guy his age is with a woman 40+. From what I know of him he has a good job, he certainly works out and is admittedly a handsome guy so why not a younger woman?
I would also like to add that his birthday is coming up and she has told me of her plans about taking him out to eat and getting him some computer graphics card. Yet when my birthday rolled around she just gave me a birthday card and a $20.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hertfordshire
OP wasn't judgemental about the 13 year age difference? I must have been reading a different thread.
Hertfordshire You obviously missed the comment made by the OP that I quoted above.
I am sorry if you are not getting along with your own child ...
LOL you're still doing it. This ^^^ is a personal attack, and a logical fallacy. You don't know any of us, and you can't make ANY valid judgments about our relationships with our kids.
Therefore, every time you make a comment like this ^^^, it's just a personal attack ... because you have no point.
People don't move on and re-marry for the purpose of filling a parental role for their adult children. Sorry, that's not as normal as you seem to believe it is.
I think you've gotten my post mixed up with another. No one said they would purposely do so, not that I've read.
JMHO and it obviously differs from yours but "Moving On" doesn't automatically include a requirement to re-marry.
I recently lost my husband of 40 years. I can not imagine that our children, age 30 and 34, need a new father. They miss the father that raised them, not "need" a step-dad.
Now, if in the future I decide to marry again (rather unlikely) I am sure that my adult children would be happy for me. Plus, I am sure I would want the man that I marry to be a good step-father and step-grandfather. But for me to want fill a void because my 30 and 34 year old adult children need a father? To me, that is crazy.
Taking that to an extreme. There is someone in my grief support group who had been married to her late husband for 62 years. Do you really think that she should look for a new mate because their adult children in their late 50s/early 60s need a new father.
As I said, my 30 and 34 year old children are grown adults, while they certainly miss their father, they are adults and do not need a new father/father figure.
And, yes I love them and they love me and we get along extremely well.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Penny4YourThoughts
In my situation, our son is 27 and lives 2 hrs away. He works for Apple, has a Bachelors Degree, etc.. so there isn't anything wrong with him. He comes up one weekend a month to spend the night and we go down to pick him up to shop at Costco and eat out once a month.
No doubt he'd love a father figure. Would never say such but it's no question he'd want a family unit intact. Not another brother type person, or friend. So because I love him, that would be my goal along with my own companionship. I'd wait to date, for his mental health, probably a year. Otherwise I would start looking immediately, hanging out with people in a neutral fashion. Bike Clubs, hiking club, at the local restaurant (very small town here) etc...
Penny, you have mentioned numerous times that if something happened to your husband you would marry again because you love your son and he needs a Father Figure and an Intact Family Unit.
Your son is almost 30 years old. At what point, if you are widowed, would he not "need" a father figure and an Intact Family Unit. 40 years old? 50 years old? Or, 60 years old with children and grandchildren of his own, (like son of the widow in my grief support group). Or maybe, he will still need a father figure and an intact family unit at 70 years old or beyond? Because, of course, you would still love your son and want the best for him.
For some background I am 26 and live with my mom while going to school. For a little over a year now she has been in a relationship with a younger man, 30. Now she is 43. Honestly, I think it is gross not just because she is with a man more my age but they are very open about it, as in they will kiss and make out even when I am around. It really bothers me and I have told her but she just says "it's my house I can do what I want" "you can't dictate who I am involved with" etc.
Now due to financial difficulty I did move back in after she was in this "relationship" but still, shouldn't she see how I view it as her daughter and tone it way down? The guy she is with is nice and everything but it's not fun seeing this.
Sounds like you need to finish school, get a job, and move out of the house.
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This ^^^ is a personal attack, and a logical fallacy. You don't know any of us, and you can't make ANY valid judgments about our relationships with our kids.
