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I wouldnt go. Vacation time is supposed to be fun, and I dont see you having fun at all. Take your kids somewhere that you will all have some fun and enjoyment. Life is too short spending with people you dont get along with, family or no family.
Think about how you want your children to feel about themselves when they grow up. The memories you want them to have. Their minds and hearts and spirits that experienced great things. Or stunted, insulted, ignored.
My thoughts? The hell with this trip. Your husband is now married to you. You two have started a life together. He should see your needs and not the needs of his parents and siblings. You are not comfortable with your husbands family. You dread these visits. Your husband should be on your corner on this.
Interesting that the door apparently only swings one way on his issue. For me , the question would be, what would husband do in this situation if the tables were reversed. If he makes sacrifices for her, then she should reciprocate. That’s what marriage is about. It’s not always about us and what we want To me, this is more than a “routine vacation,” as some are attempting to characterizie it.
True. But the pay for date isnt for several more months and the general vibe is "if you can't go, cancel in this period of time". I "can" go. I just dont want to.
The more I think about it, the more I realize I shouldnt go. I would let my husband take the kids, but he isnt able to care for them without me, and he would be the first to admit it. Even though I have tried so much to teach him how to take care of them, he refuses to learn.
This isn’t a problem with your in-laws, it’s a problem with your husband. He doesn’t defend you when they attack you and he doesn’t know how or want to know how to look after his own children.
Interesting that the door apparently only swings one way on his issue. For me , the question would be, what would husband do in this situation if the tables were reversed. If he makes sacrifices for her, then she should reciprocate. That’s what marriage is about. It’s not always about us and what we want To me, this is more than a “routine vacation,” as some are attempting to characterizie it.
That's what I was thinking too, although it doesn't sound like the husband is too supportive of his wife and children's wants and needs. But, if the OP is the one to always decide what they do in their free time, where they go on vacation, etc... Then maybe suck it up, put in some face time with the inlaws, and let the husband choose this vacation.
True. But the pay for date isnt for several more months and the general vibe is "if you can't go, cancel in this period of time". I "can" go. I just dont want to.
The more I think about it, the more I realize I shouldnt go. I would let my husband take the kids, but he isnt able to care for them without me, and he would be the first to admit it. Even though I have tried so much to teach him how to take care of them, he refuses to learn.
Geez, let him go and tell him don't bother to come back!
I understand why you don't want to go HFB, but personally, if it was important to my husband, I would make the trip. They'll talk about you whether you're there or not. I would set some ground rules in advance, # 1 being that hubby shuts down any criticism of you or the children, immediately. I can't fathom a husband sitting by silently while his spouse and kids are subjected to abuse. I would also demand some family only excursions to minimize the time spent with the in-laws. And finally, you get to plan another trip.
LOL....yeah that is going to happen. He has been allowing it for the last 20 years, shame on him.
He said he would go by himself, let him go by himself.
Ya know...my husband isn't perfect. He has a lot of issues with his parents and siblings. And, as his wife and his life partner, I try to both give extra understanding and extra help when he needs it, as he does for me. But I also have a lot of issues with my parents and sibling, and he has been supportive of me with much more effort then I have had to support him. So it isnt one sided. We are really genuinely supportive of each other when it comes to family. Still, he struggles to buck against his family expectations. Which I do understand, but I dont have the same struggle.
His unwillingness to learn the best care techniques for the kids come from his own past traumas. He hasn't always been like this. It is fairly age/stage specific. I understand where he is coming from, but I am also pushing him hard to learn how to help me. And he has started therapy with the goal of being a better husband and father. But...he has a lot of baggage and it will take some time for him to work through it. I do think he is on the right path. But it isnt easy. He is human.
For those mocking my children's disabilities...well I wont share my kid's specific issues....but mental illness, mild physical disabilities and learning disabilities are considered invisible. Visible disabilities are either very severe, use adaptive equipment or they have severe learning or mental health disabilities. Basically people scoffing at those don't have the first idea of what a disability is.
I really appreciate helpful comments and people saying "no way". It makes me feel less alone. I wont get into the troll type comments. So thank you helpful folks for giving me some input.
I actually figured out what is making me not want to go...it isnt my discomfort. It is how my kids will be treated. That is very important.
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