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If it were me, I'd email him/her and cc everyone he's been gossiping to, reminding him that he CHOSE to go to an event, KNOWING there would be wine drinking, and remind him that he OFFERED TO BE THE DD, and then he refused to do so.
And then maybe say something like "We tried to give you options, but you SAID you wanted to come to the party, (where you were warmly treated.) Perhaps the next time you are invited to an event that serves alcohol, you should decline. I'm sorry it was an unpleasant experience for you."
IMO, that's civil. It's not bending over backwards to smooth the feathers...but it's civil.
I agree 100%
We have friends who don't drink for religious reasons, that doesn't stop us from drinking and having a good time with them
Thank you. The OP repeatedly attributes things to me that I did not say or feel, including things that are the exact opposite of what I have been saying.
Whatever anger the OP has with the guest needs to be discussed with that person, not with a stranger whom she never even met and is being used as a “safe” punching bag.
If you believe this why do you keep posting your opinions on her thread?
I made NO attacks on the OP in any posts, so her hatred is blinding her.
I thought your post #120 was unnecessarily insulting and speculative. That is the ONLY reason I even responded to this thread.
BTW: Who does the OP hate? I'm not clear about this.
You are doing nothing wrong but the teetotaler sounds like a self-involved arrogant passive agressive person. I would be civil to them but not invite to stay at my house anymore. Put them in the acquaintance pile.
And if you do HAVE to run into this situation again, tell them that you feel uncomfortable taking them to a place where alcohol is served and if they want to go, they have to find their own transportation.
I think they were using this situation as a way to criticize you in a passive aggressive way.
If they offered to be the DD then reneged, that's on them, and lousy behavior overall.
I don't drink. I have gone to many functions where people do. I have seen many social drinkers get rude when they have a few drinks in them. Things they would never say they feel freer to say when drinking. Could this have been the case? Maybe someone said something that offended you guest?
The only way to handle it is to sit and talk to them one on one. Maybe there is a reason at least n their mind why they acted like this.
I have gone to family gatherings and left early once the wine flows because I get tired of foolish behavior, stupid things said. I don't care that they drink I just don't want to be part of it. There is always one or two that drink too much.
Maybe it wasn't your behavior but some one that attended the parry?
It's your and your husband's behavior that needs to change. It's a matter of boundaries, in this and most of your family threads.
You knew from the start that this situation would be untenable. So think of what YOU could do differently next time to save yourself this grief.
This is the first time that I think I have ever disagreed with you, Birdie! (Unless I am misunderstanding you, that is.)
Why should their behavior need to change? The OP explained the situation clearly, although (of course) there are almost always two sides to a story. As long as the OP and her husband were not "obnoxious drunks", which certainly does not seem to be the case, and drank "responsibly", why should they modify their behavior for a guest that was given the option to stay home?
I think the only thing that might need to change is for the OP to learn from this experience and to not give this person the option of attending any event in the future where there might be drinking if a similar situation comes up again. (And in the case of family dinners, I would advise having just one small additional drink before this rude person arrives. )
P.S. to Emotiioo: What does your husband think of the situation? Does he think this person's rudeness should be continue to be tolerated?
Why would you advise the OP to avoid people in general? I saw nothing in her comments that would indicate that SHE was rude or obnoxious.
My opinion is that if people attend an event, it is only basic good manners to behave nicely. The guest was in the wrong, not the OP. (Unless, to say it again, there is something major that she omitted.)
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I'm not clear about this.
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