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We met a couple that the wife doesn't drink at all. Fine. No one cares. BUT, when we are around her she always makes comments about people drinking. She constantly gossips about everyone drinking. If a person laughs at a joke, she'll tell everyone how that person was drunk when it's not true. The last straw was at a restaurant with a group and my husband was laughing. She whispered to the person next to her that he was drunk. He wasn't.
We no longer choose to be with this couple. I suspect she's an alcoholic since she makes such a big deal out of drinking when there is no big deal there. And yes, I do realize not all alcoholics act this way. Most people don't include her anymore in our social circle.
There's so many wonderful people in this world, why hang with someone you don't like?
It's sad that more than one person on this thread
has cited thus kind of behavior. If someone accuses you of being drunk there is really no defense unless you carry around a breathalyzer.And if someone starts to spin tales about you being drunk to those who were not present at whatever event where you were drinking theres nothing you can do to prove them wrong. I think that some teetotalers feel superior to drinkers and don't understand that having a small to moderate amount of alcohol, or indeed just having a glass in front of you, doesn't automatically render you insensate and sloppy.
Unfortunately this is a family connection that I will see again but there will be no more invitations to our home. I want an apology for this rudeness but I don't think I'll ever get one.
Not tolerating drunks doesn’t mean that person’s parents were alcoholic. My parents rarely drank and even then only a little. They were never drunk.
I have no tolerance for drunken behavior because (a) it is obnoxious and/or disgusting, and (b) I witnessed how some drunk friends of my parents acted, back when I was a young child. When sober, they were pretty nice people. When drunk, they lost coordination (i.e., falling-down drunk), or got really, really loud and rude, or did crazy things. One woman began guzzling soy sauce from its bottle. Another one wanted to hug and kiss me with her stinking boozy-cigaretty breath, all the while slurrily uttering terms of motherly endearment. YUCK!
When I was in my late teens and later, the light rail rides to classes and work too often meant encountering career drunkards. YUCKYUCKYUCK. I put as much distance between myself and them as feasible.
And that is still what I do.
The level of angst and passion in this post reminds me of our guest. Though there was no soy sauce guzzled or other sloppy hijinks the guests reaction was very severe.
I don't eat meat. I think its unappealing and unhealthy. But I have attended many a steak dinner without managing to shame my fellow diners about their habits. With alcohol there seems to be a lot of passion and an okay to assume sloppy behavior is around the corner or "problem drinking. " But I see this as just as insulting as a hardcore vegan refusing to eat around those who don't share their diet. Both behaviors are designed to exert control over others.
It's sad that more than one person on this thread
has cited thus kind of behavior. If someone accuses you of being drunk there is really no defense unless you carry around a breathalyzer.And if someone starts to spin tales about you being drunk to those who were not present at whatever event where you were drinking theres nothing you can do to prove them wrong. I think that some teetotalers feel superior to drinkers and don't understand that having a small to moderate amount of alcohol, or indeed just having a glass in front of you, doesn't automatically render you insensate and sloppy.
Unfortunately this is a family connection that I will see again but there will be no more invitations to our home. I want an apology for this rudeness but I don't think I'll ever get one.
Next time you see them with other family around call them out on what they said.
I don't believe in e-mails. I'd pick up the phone. E-mails are for passive-aggressive cowards.
This. An email is a terrible idea. Do not do that.
Like another poster said, this story doesn't make sense. Like Judge Judy says, if it doesn't make sense, it's not true.
Something happened. Some of the guests didn't just have a wine tasting. Some may have gotten sloppy drunk? Or some may have ridiculed your guest for being a teetotaler? Something. But then, that puts the burden on the teetotaler to report that to you. So I don't know.
I rarely drink, although I'm not a teetotaler. I would be very comfortable at a social drinking party (I'm not against drinking & went through a very hazy Happy Hour phase years ago), but not if it's a "let's all get drunk out of our skulls!" party. Not because I'd disapprove, but because I wouldn't fit in. Not my scene.
I hope you can smooth this over. Try to find out what happened, and smooth things over. It's difficult being the odd man out at a party, so cut him such slack. But if he does disapprove of drinking in general, just ask him why he didn't tell you that up front.
This. An email is a terrible idea. Do not do that.
Like another poster said, this story doesn't make sense. Like Judge Judy says, if it doesn't make sense, it's not true.
Something happened. Some of the guests didn't just have a wine tasting. Some may have gotten sloppy drunk? Or some may have ridiculed your guest for being a teetotaler? Something. But then, that puts the burden on the teetotaler to report that to you. So I don't know.
I rarely drink, although I'm not a teetotaler. I would be very comfortable at a social drinking party (I'm not against drinking & went through a very hazy Happy Hour phase years ago), but not if it's a "let's all get drunk out of our skulls!" party. Not because I'd disapprove, but because I wouldn't fit in. Not my scene.
I hope you can smooth this over. Try to find out what happened, and smooth things over. It's difficult being the odd man out at a party, so cut him such slack. But if he does disapprove of drinking in general, just ask him why he didn't tell you that up front.
Ridiculous. I guess you have never known anyone unreasonable or who wa as triggered oddly by a social situation.
Again I can't defend what happened further as there are some people who will assume the worst, that this guest was held hostage by slobbering drunks and subject to all sorts of indignities. Its really not the subject of the threae to undermine the actual topic . Helpful advice is always appreciated
We had a recent experience where we had a house guest who is a very disapproving teetotaler. By a stroke of bad timing we had already accepted an invite to a milestone family birthday party at a winery when the guest scheduled the visit. We gave the guest the option to stay home but the guest insisted on coming both to our home and the party. The guest
volunteered to be the DD but then refused to actually drive at the end of the event so we had an awkward period of waiting to be done enough to drive home.
Drinking around this person makes them very angry as we found out. We have had fallout from this visit in the fom of gossip they started and passive aggressive comments. Neither of us get out much as we have a lot going on but we both are wine drinkers socially-- not heavy drinkers at all. I have had friends and family in recovery who have not been interested in drinking but have never met someone who was made so angry because others were doing so. Especially when they had the option not to witness this behavior.
So wondering how to approach this. As far as I know this person was treated quite well at the party. I introduced them to family and all seemed pleasant. This is someone I'll have to see again at some point so it's best to at least keep things civil.
This is what baffles me. They had the option not to witness drinkers. As a former teetotaler, I found drinking offensive so didn't put myself in those situations. Our best friends were alcoholics, now divorced but we chose to see them during the day doing outdoor things like bike riding and such. Sure a few times they were drinking around us so we made the visit brief.
I am also wondering why you chose to drink knowing your guest was uncomfortable with it. You say you are only social drinkers but this kind of behavior seems to indicate you really needed a drink to the point of knowing you would offend your friend. This I also find odd.
Again, the difference of values are not odd. Not respecting those differences making a guest uncomfortable is odd to me.
This is what baffles me. They had the option not to witness drinkers. As a former teetotaler, I found drinking offensive so didn't put myself in those situations. Our best friends were alcoholics, now divorced but we chose to see them during the day doing outdoor things like bike riding and such. Sure a few times they were drinking around us so we made the visit brief.
I am also wondering why you chose to drink knowing your guest was uncomfortable with it. You say you are only social drinkers but this kind of behavior seems to indicate you really needed a drink to the point of knowing you would offend your friend. This I also find odd.
Again, the difference of values are not odd. Not respecting those differences making a guest uncomfortable is odd to me.
They had plans before they knew the guest was coming. They explained the situation to the guest. The guest decided to go knowing it was in a winery.
I can't believe you expect people to change their behavior when you are around. Having wine in a winery is not "needing a drink."
This is what baffles me. They had the option not to witness drinkers. As a former teetotaler, I found drinking offensive so didn't put myself in those situations. Our best friends were alcoholics, now divorced but we chose to see them during the day doing outdoor things like bike riding and such. Sure a few times they were drinking around us so we made the visit brief.
I am also wondering why you chose to drink knowing your guest was uncomfortable with it. You say you are only social drinkers but this kind of behavior seems to indicate you really needed a drink to the point of knowing you would offend your friend. This I also find odd.
Again, the difference of values are not odd. Not respecting those differences making a guest uncomfortable is odd to me.
The level of judgement and entitlement in this post is really mind boggling. People need to get to get a grip.
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