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I don’t drink, but I don’t give others grief if they do. Your guest sounds unreasonable.
If you must maintain a cordial relationship, I think you two will have to talk to each other. You need to understand her feelings, and he/she needs to understand yours.
I do wonder if your guest has had a bad experience with drinkers. That might be the source of the anger. Not sure why they would want to attend a drinking event, though. Possibly attending exacerbated old feelings, or made them feel socially uncomfortable. My guess is a bad family history with alcohol.
But it is only a guess. I recommend talking over coffee, if you can arrange that. Good luck.
We had a recent experience where we had a house guest who is a very disapproving teetotaler. By a stroke of bad timing we had already accepted an invite to a milestone family birthday party at a winery when the guest scheduled the visit. We gave the guest the option to stay home but the guest insisted on coming both to our home and the party. The guest
volunteered to be the DD but then refused to actually drive at the end of the event so we had an awkward period of waiting to be done enough to drive home.
Drinking around this person makes them very angry as we found out. We have had fallout from this visit in the fom of gossip they started and passive aggressive comments. Neither of us get out much as we have a lot going on but we both are wine drinkers socially-- not heavy drinkers at all. I have had friends and family in recovery who have not been interested in drinking but have never met someone who was made so angry because others were doing so. Especially when they had the option not to witness this behavior.
So wondering how to approach this. As far as I know this person was treated quite well at the party. I introduced them to family and all seemed pleasant. This is someone I'll have to see again at some point so it's best to at least keep things civil.
I’d drop this person like a hot brick. This guest was rude, judgemental and was okay leaving you stranded despite agreeing to be a dd, and then spreads gossip. Who wants that kind of angry person in their life. I would just keep a polite distance and be socially polite but not engage or encourage.
I’d drop this person like a hot brick. This guest was rude, judgemental and was okay leaving you stranded despite agreeing to be a dd, and then spreads gossip. Who wants that kind of angry person in their life. I would just keep a polite distance and be socially polite but not engage or encourage.
Believe me I am with you. It's a situation where it's not possible to do this due to family connections. We need to maintain civility for the sake of the greater peace.
I did address those who came to me with rumors and gossip about this situation. I was shocked at what had been spread and tried to present an accurate picture of what had happened. But denying that you were not black out drunk always sounds a little like you doth protest too much. We have very busy lives and a small child and would probably love to cut loose now and again. But this was a pretty low key affair that was a far cry from a booze orgy. Our guest was checked on all afternoon and given food and soft drinks. We even let the staff at the winery know they were our DD as they were entitled to some freebies.
The guest has not come to us directly but was seething at the end of the event when we had to wait to drive home.
I don't intend to have this guest back but I do intend to address this judgemental gossip they have spread. I have never met anyone who was so upset because other people drank in their presence.
So what happened that made them so mad to have them seething? Inappropriate behavior or language? Acting like drunk college students? Someone throwing up so they wanted to wait until that was over?
So what happened that made them so mad to have them seething? Inappropriate behavior or language? Acting like drunk college students? Someone throwing up so they wanted to wait until that was over?
I have to wonder that as well. As a non drinker, I am not judgmental, but sometimes people ask personal questions about why I don’t drink, try to get me to drink, or they just want to stay for hours and hours after I am ready to leave and have no respect for my time.
Furthermore, in many cases the drinkers’ perception of how they behavior might not reflect how the non-drinkers’ perceptions of how they behave. It might seem perfectly fine to a drinker but could make the non-drinker uncomfortable. I have found that there is a definite cutoff point, and usually what the drinker thinks is okay is far beyond what I find acceptable. That is why I never agree to be a DD anymore.
Believe me I am with you. It's a situation where it's not possible to do this due to family connections. We need to maintain civility for the sake of the greater peace.
I did address those who came to me with rumors and gossip about this situation. I was shocked at what had been spread and tried to present an accurate picture of what had happened. But denying that you were not black out drunk always sounds a little like you doth protest too much. We have very busy lives and a small child and would probably love to cut loose now and again. But this was a pretty low key affair that was a far cry from a booze orgy. Our guest was checked on all afternoon and given food and soft drinks. We even let the staff at the winery know they were our DD as they were entitled to some freebies.
The guest has not come to us directly but was seething at the end of the event when we had to wait to drive home.
I don't intend to have this guest back but I do intend to address this judgemental gossip they have spread. I have never met anyone who was so upset because other people drank in their presence.
Yes, but yes beyond this keeping a civil distance is the best option.
So what happened that made them so mad to have them seething? Inappropriate behavior or language? Acting like drunk college students? Someone throwing up so they wanted to wait until that was over?
I have no clue. They were angry as soon as we got there. We introduced them around and people were eager to meet them and greeted them warmly. We tried to talk to them for most of the party as they were our guest but they just seemed to get more and more upset. When there was a toast they stalked off and started reading their phone. I went after the toast was over and they said they didn't like to "see so many glasses being filled."
If we thought for one minute that they would not be DD we would have stopped drinking earlier. By the time they said they "couldn't drive on winding roads' and refused to take us home we were stunned. We asked what was wrong and the reply was "I hate seeing people drink" and my husband gently reminded this guest there was the option not to come. There was stony silence all the way home.
So what happened that made them so mad to have them seething? Inappropriate behavior or language? Acting like drunk college students? Someone throwing up so they wanted to wait until that was over?
Not at all. It was a 60th birthday party. There were adults of all ages but not a frat boy among them. Very low key. Lots of wine enthusiasts. Good conversation. Well behaved and over ar 6pm. Not exactly a rager.
We had a recent experience where we had a house guest who is a very disapproving teetotaler. By a stroke of bad timing we had already accepted an invite to a milestone family birthday party at a winery when the guest scheduled the visit. We gave the guest the option to stay home but the guest insisted on coming both to our home and the party. The guest
volunteered to be the DD but then refused to actually drive at the end of the event so we had an awkward period of waiting to be done enough to drive home.
Drinking around this person makes them very angry as we found out. We have had fallout from this visit in the fom of gossip they started and passive aggressive comments. Neither of us get out much as we have a lot going on but we both are wine drinkers socially-- not heavy drinkers at all. I have had friends and family in recovery who have not been interested in drinking but have never met someone who was made so angry because others were doing so. Especially when they had the option not to witness this behavior.
So wondering how to approach this. As far as I know this person was treated quite well at the party. I introduced them to family and all seemed pleasant. This is someone I'll have to see again at some point so it's best to at least keep things civil.
What was the initial reason for the visit and how long did they stay?
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but yes beyond this keeping a civil distance is the best option.
