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I don't understand why they would even go if they're so offended. I don't smoke cigarettes. I don't hang around people if I knew cigarette smoking is likely to be involved. It's that simple.
Nor do I. We never anticipated such a reaction. One would think that an adult would be self aware enough to know what triggers might happen in this situation. It can't be the first time they watched drinking in a public place.
Nor do I. We never anticipated such a reaction. One would think that an adult would be self aware enough to know what triggers might happen in this situation. It can't be the first time they watched drinking in a public place.
Oh, your guest knew. The real question is why he/she wanted to cause you trouble. (Because that is why he/she went!)
We had a recent experience where we had a house guest who is a very disapproving teetotaler. By a stroke of bad timing we had already accepted an invite to a milestone family birthday party at a winery when the guest scheduled the visit. We gave the guest the option to stay home but the guest insisted on coming both to our home and the party. The guest
volunteered to be the DD but then refused to actually drive at the end of the event so we had an awkward period of waiting to be done enough to drive home.
Drinking around this person makes them very angry as we found out. We have had fallout from this visit in the fom of gossip they started and passive aggressive comments. Neither of us get out much as we have a lot going on but we both are wine drinkers socially-- not heavy drinkers at all. I have had friends and family in recovery who have not been interested in drinking but have never met someone who was made so angry because others were doing so. Especially when they had the option not to witness this behavior.
So wondering how to approach this. As far as I know this person was treated quite well at the party. I introduced them to family and all seemed pleasant. This is someone I'll have to see again at some point so it's best to at least keep things civil.
Anyone who gets angry around social drinkers (after all, you were in a proper venue, and waited before driving) on the principle of "how-dare-I-see-you-imbibe" has some really weird history that's taught them to judge like that. Mimicking parents' beliefs, echoing preachers' sentiments, or having a checkered past themselves involving bad experiences with alcohol can all be a factor.
Usually these people can't think for themselves (nor acknowledge moderation is indeed possible and safe) and wholeheartedly believe that a hard-line, authoritative, judging stance gives them moral superiority via virtue signaling. If they couldn't say "no" as a DD, they probably couldn't say "no" to alcohol at a prior age, and see it as the devil himself.
Anyone who gets angry around social drinkers (after all, you were in a proper venue, and waited before driving) on the principle of "how-dare-I-see-you-imbibe" has some really weird history that's taught them to judge like that. Mimicking parents' beliefs, echoing preachers' sentiments, or having a checkered past themselves involving bad experiences with alcohol can all be a factor.
Usually these people can't think for themselves (nor acknowledge moderation is indeed possible and safe) and wholeheartedly believe that a hard-line, authoritative, judging stance gives them moral superiority via virtue signaling. If they couldn't say "no" as a DD, they probably couldn't say "no" to alcohol at a prior age, and see it as the devil himself.
Shame.
Totally agree. And that goes for some of the responses here as well
Why would the assumption automatically be that people would get sloppy drunk at a 60th birthday at a winery in late afternoon,? If this was at a club or concert and a 21st birthday sure that might be accurate. But not here.
Many on this thread cannot understand that merely imbibing does not a singing, sloppy. vomiting, undressing, passed out bacchanal make. If your experience with alcohol has led you to believe this is the case 100% of the time, I would urge you to seek out a different group to socialize with. Or do some travel to Europe and observe the locals at lunch.
I did not assume that the winery guests were sloppy drunk. But maybe they were. Can’t tell what happened because I wasn’t there.
You keep deflecting answers that address the REAL problems, that of having allowed a guest whom you apparently knew well in advance would not like the party, and that of said guest reneging on their offer as well as spreading rumors.
This problem is not about how much alcohol anybody drinks. It is about the sick games your family and you play.
So don't invite this problem person to any of your future events, since you now know he/she cannot be trusted to behave properly at parties. Problem solved!
Or are you planning to grill all your potential future guests on their beverage choices, and exclude those whose choices you disapprove of? That would be appallingly rude.
Drinker snobbery is every bit as bad (and just as common). The bottom line is that it's no one else's business what anyone chooses to drink or not drink, provided the person in question doesn't make their drink preferences into a problem others have to deal with.
Maybe the whole purpose of starting this thread was to try to harvest replies that were all supportive of the OP, and then to shove the whole thing in the guest’s face.
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