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Yes unfortunately we do have a lot of dysfunctional people on both sides of the house. Some of us are unlucky in that way.
We had no reason to think that a birthday party at a winery would cause this sort of response. It's not typical certainly.
Well now you know you can't bring this person to any events where alcohol is present. Your decision not theirs going forward.
Quote:
Originally Posted by emotiioo
AND after that the guest told everyone that we put their life in danger by driving drunk. So yeah does not make sense in the least.
I remember as a kid having a friend whose grandmother lived with them. She was not a pleasant old lady. I was there one day and my friend's mom(DIL) asked her a few times if she wanted anything to eat, she wasn't hungry.
When her son came home she complained she was starving and no one would give her anything to eat....LOL, even as a child I realized this woman was a problem.
Is it accurate to say that you wouldn't say no to this person, if they asked to stay with you again, because of the associated guilt?
What would happen if you said something like, "We aren't comfortable with you staying in our home since you told the family so many lies about us after we took you to the winery party"?
Does this person know that the things they said about you were lies? Does the rest of the family know this person as a gossipy liar?
Yes unfortunately we do have a lot of dysfunctional people on both sides of the house. Some of us are unlucky in that way.
Then you need a stronger spine to say no. Or else this will keep happening and your resentment will eat you (and eventually your husband and child) away.
This is obviously a duplicate account as you have followed two threads to post snarky comments. If you truly were new you would not know my ID or any history. Why don't the mods notice this stuff?
Um nope.
I have alcoholics (admitted and in denial) on both sides of my family (and friends) and I waver in and out on how I feel about them and deal with their presence. So I was intrigued by this topic and very strange circumstance.
I have alcoholics (admitted and in denial) on both sides of my family (and friends) and I waver in and out on how I feel about them and deal with their presence. So I was intrigued by this topic and very strange circumstance.
Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin
Well now you know you can't bring this person to any events where alcohol is present. Your decision not theirs going forward.
I remember as a kid having a friend whose grandmother lived with them. She was not a pleasant old lady. I was there one day and my friend's mom(DIL) asked her a few times if she wanted anything to eat, she wasn't hungry.
When her son came home she complained she was starving and no one would give her anything to eat....LOL, even as a child I realized this woman was a problem.
As I said there won't be further visits to my house.so that's not a big deal. If we are inclined to see this person again we could certainly visit them. Its not about house guests or who should come into my home.
From this thread the nondrinkers do seem to have some level of discomfort with drinkers but are not angry with them. That's good to know. It does appear that sober folks mostly try to avoid drinkers, which is a bit surprising but understandable.
As I said there won't be further visits to my house.so that's not a big deal. If we are inclined to see this person again we could certainly visit them. Its not about house guests or who should come into my home.
From this thread the nondrinkers do seem to have some level of discomfort with drinkers but are not angry with them. That's good to know. It does appear that sober folks mostly try to avoid drinkers, which is a bit surprising but understandable.
The gossip is more annoying.
So let me understand...OTHER random family members passed along the gossip that these teetotalers said about you both? How many people are we talking about?
You certainly seem to be related to and know(and I am trying to be polite) a lot of strange people. You posted about you FIL, a friend who wanted you take be responsible for her son and come stay with you who had serious mental issues, etc.
Don't you know if this individual did in fact grow up with alcoholic parents or not? If this person is close enough to stay as a guest in your home, you should know their background.
Also do you and your husband not know how to say no? "Sorry, that weekend isn't good for us, we are attending a friend's 60th birthday out of town"....DONE.
The only person that I knew of who had no tolerance for drunks(and I mean drunken behavior) was someone who grew up with alcoholics as parents. They didn't drink, but didn't mind people who did. However if they saw someone who was clearly drunk a look of disgust would cross their face, they wouldn't act on it or say anything, but it clearly triggered childhood memories.
So why don't you know if that is the case here?
Not tolerating drunks doesn’t mean that person’s parents were alcoholic. My parents rarely drank and even then only a little. They were never drunk.
I have no tolerance for drunken behavior because (a) it is obnoxious and/or disgusting, and (b) I witnessed how some drunk friends of my parents acted, back when I was a young child. When sober, they were pretty nice people. When drunk, they lost coordination (i.e., falling-down drunk), or got really, really loud and rude, or did crazy things. One woman began guzzling soy sauce from its bottle. Another one wanted to hug and kiss me with her stinking boozy-cigaretty breath, all the while slurrily uttering terms of motherly endearment. YUCK!
When I was in my late teens and later, the light rail rides to classes and work too often meant encountering career drunkards. YUCKYUCKYUCK. I put as much distance between myself and them as feasible.
Not tolerating drunks doesn’t mean that person’s parents were alcoholic. My parents rarely drank and even then only a little. They were never drunk.
I have no tolerance for drunken behavior because (a) it is obnoxious and/or disgusting, and (b) I witnessed how some drunk friends of my parents acted, back when I was a young child. When sober, they were pretty nice people. When drunk, they lost coordination (i.e., falling-down drunk), or got really, really loud and rude, or did crazy things. One woman began guzzling soy sauce from its bottle. Another one wanted to hug and kiss me with her stinking boozy-cigaretty breath, all the while slurrily uttering terms of motherly endearment. YUCK!
When I was in my late teens and later, the light rail rides to classes and work too often meant encountering career drunkards. YUCKYUCKYUCK. I put as much distance between myself and them as feasible.
And that is still what I do.
The person I was talking about had parents that were alcoholics. They shared this with me many years ago.
So in the example I mentioned they were alcoholics.
It came out by accident in a conversation on how I never had to come home to find my parents passed out drunk, like he did. The mother died of alcoholism related diseases in her mid 50s.
The person I was talking about who I knew quite well for many years would say something about any drunken behavior that we saw while I was with him. He didn't drink(most likely due to fear of becoming an alcoholic himself). Never made comments about people who did drink, but AGAIN if he saw drunken behavior it clearly brought back bad childhood memories.
The OP was asking has anyone seen this type of behavior, and it can happen in adult children of alcoholics.
Though I don't disagree this is not really about having houseguests. I'm looking to find out more from those who don't drink if this behavior is in any way common (anger around people who are drinking) and ideas for addressing the overall rudeness of this person.
The thing is, you can't reason with unreasonable people. Rude is rude. It isn't more complex than that. It goes both ways - if they don't like being around people who even drink one sip, then they should stay away. if someone is rude in your company, you have the right to not be around them again. Simple.
Saying no or establishing your own boundaries is what the real issue is here. Because it doesn't matter why people do what they do. It only matters if you want to put up with it or not.
But, their behavior sounds way more about being control freaks than anything deep.
Last edited by NoMoreSnowForMe; 12-11-2019 at 04:45 PM..
We met a couple that the wife doesn't drink at all. Fine. No one cares. BUT, when we are around her she always makes comments about people drinking. She constantly gossips about everyone drinking. If a person laughs at a joke, she'll tell everyone how that person was drunk when it's not true. The last straw was at a restaurant with a group and my husband was laughing. She whispered to the person next to her that he was drunk. He wasn't.
We no longer choose to be with this couple. I suspect she's an alcoholic since she makes such a big deal out of drinking when there is no big deal there. And yes, I do realize not all alcoholics act this way. Most people don't include her anymore in our social circle.
There's so many wonderful people in this world, why hang with someone you don't like?
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