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We had a recent experience where we had a house guest who is a very disapproving teetotaler. By a stroke of bad timing we had already accepted an invite to a milestone family birthday party at a winery when the guest scheduled the visit. We gave the guest the option to stay home but the guest insisted on coming both to our home and the party. The guest
volunteered to be the DD but then refused to actually drive at the end of the event so we had an awkward period of waiting to be done enough to drive home.
Drinking around this person makes them very angry as we found out. We have had fallout from this visit in the fom of gossip they started and passive aggressive comments. Neither of us get out much as we have a lot going on but we both are wine drinkers socially-- not heavy drinkers at all. I have had friends and family in recovery who have not been interested in drinking but have never met someone who was made so angry because others were doing so. Especially when they had the option not to witness this behavior.
So wondering how to approach this. As far as I know this person was treated quite well at the party. I introduced them to family and all seemed pleasant. This is someone I'll have to see again at some point so it's best to at least keep things civil.
It's pretty simple. If you do not overindulge, then there is simply nothing wrong with social drinking.
More to the point, one does not visit someone's house and then disapprove of how their hosts live their lives--particularly if those hosts have been polite and accommodating. If your account is accurate, then your guest is rude beyond belief.
Personally, if word gets back to you about this guest's ongoing gossip and remarks, I'd make a point of discussing it with him/her. I'd point out that it's your house and your rules, that he/she had the option of not going, and if he/she has concerns about your enjoying a couple of glasses of wine, you'd kindly appreciate having been told that to your face rather than behind your back. Otherwise, that person is abusing your hospitality.
If that ends your relationship, then so be it. Because this isn't exactly the kind of person I'd want to be friends with over the long haul.
Last edited by MinivanDriver; 12-10-2019 at 01:27 PM..
Your guest is rude. He was informed the event was at a winery. What did he think people were going to drink?? I'm not so sure I'd want that kind of person, in my life.
If it were me, I'd email him/her and cc everyone he's been gossiping to, reminding him that he CHOSE to go to an event, KNOWING there would be wine drinking, and remind him that he OFFERED TO BE THE DD, and then he refused to do so.
And then maybe say something like "We tried to give you options, but you SAID you wanted to come to the party, (where you were warmly treated.) Perhaps the next time you are invited to an event that serves alcohol, you should decline. I'm sorry it was an unpleasant experience for you."
IMO, that's civil. It's not bending over backwards to smooth the feathers...but it's civil.
And then maybe say something like "We tried to give you options, but you SAID you wanted to come to the party, (where you were warmly treated.) Perhaps the next time you are invited to an event that serves alcohol, you should decline. I'm sorry it was an unpleasant experience for you."
IMO, that's civil. It's not bending over backwards to smooth the feathers...but it's civil.
If it were me, I'd email him/her and cc everyone he's been gossiping to, reminding him that he CHOSE to go to an event, KNOWING there would be wine drinking, and remind him that he OFFERED TO BE THE DD, and then he refused to do so.
And then maybe say something like "We tried to give you options, but you SAID you wanted to come to the party, (where you were warmly treated.) Perhaps the next time you are invited to an event that serves alcohol, you should decline. I'm sorry it was an unpleasant experience for you."
IMO, that's civil. It's not bending over backwards to smooth the feathers...but it's civil.
I don't believe in e-mails. I'd pick up the phone. E-mails are for passive-aggressive cowards.
I don't believe in e-mails. I'd pick up the phone. E-mails are for passive-aggressive cowards.
I can be passive aggressive, so maybe you're right, and maybe it is. Although, I thought my version of the email was direct.
And I thought it was worth including the people this guest had been gossiping to on the email, as it let's THEM know there's always 2 sides to a story.
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