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I had a friend - or so I thought - who had snide remarks for my relationship with my then boyfriend (now fiance) even though I never confided in her about him. I only mentioned us having a fight once, and that was enough. Even when I couldn't do things with her, she'd assume it was due to my 'controlling bf who was so jealous'. I had a male cousin who was the same way, strangely enough. I had to remove both of these toxic people from my life for different reasons. I only confide in my brother & aunt now, as they won't be snarky about things as my former friend and my weird af cousin.
The problem with venting/complaining about your Significant Other to your friends is that they remember that stuff when you make up with him later. You can't wipe their memory banks clean. If you want your friends to like your bf, don't B*itch about him to them.
The problem with venting/complaining about your Significant Other to your friends is that they remember that stuff when you make up with him later. You can't wipe their memory banks clean. If you want your friends to like your bf, don't B*itch about him to them.
And it was always tentative whether he could come for Christmas, so it shouldn't have been expected. There shouldn't have been an argument, 3 hours of apologies, griping to the friends, any of that.
Why are you friends with these people? They sound like carny people. Perhaps this is a blessing in disguise. Cut them loose and find better quality friends with more class and emotional maturity.
This.
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Originally Posted by oh-eve
Wow, this guy has endless patience with you. I would have dumped you a long time ago. We have told you over and over that if you date a guy who has his own business, works hard, and has little children, he will not have time for you every time you expect it. The fact that he is still running after you, trying to please you, is beyond my imagination.
And your friends? OMG. They are idiots.
Also this.
I can't figure out why your friend and her mom are so invested in your love life.
You have to realize that his kids come first, before you, always. If you guys wind up getting married, then you're closer, and hopefully you will also put his kids before the two of you, unless and until you have a kid together, in which case then YOUR child comes first for you, and his kids are on an equal footing with your child for him. Expecting him to give up spending time with his children to spend time with you, in a divorce situation where he has the kids only some of the time, is just unrealistic. Sounds to me as if you'd be better off finding a guy who doesn't have kids.
You have to realize that his kids come first, before you, always. If you guys wind up getting married, then you're closer, and hopefully you will also put his kids before the two of you, unless and until you have a kid together, in which case then YOUR child comes first for you, and his kids are on an equal footing with your child for him. Expecting him to give up spending time with his children to spend time with you, in a divorce situation where he has the kids only some of the time, is just unrealistic. Sounds to me as if you'd be better off finding a guy who doesn't have kids.
That's been explained to her before. Maybe this time she'll listen to you. We can hope.
My take is that since it's only been 4 months with this guy, and you were presumably single before this, your best friend and mother are now jealous and feel slighted that you are not spending as much time with THEM anymore. Kind of like back in high school again... where I presume is where you met this best friend from (you said 30 years).
Also, as you've stated, you vented all the bad things about him, to them. Now you see you can't tell them anything at all about your relationships. You now see how those two will act if you do (over react).
Stop, just stop complaining about him to any of your friends. They should not have known the details of whether he would attend the party with you. If you want to continue their friendship, let them know how you feel about their comments and let it be. If you can continue to be friends, good, if not, move on. I don't know of any genuine friends who would do what they did.
My SO works a lot and we don't see each other as much as we would like. Sometimes last minute assignments happen for him and we have to cancel plans. I understood that as I got to know him, so I don't complain. If you want to keep the relationship, you must be more understanding and not feel the need to tell your friends everything. If you don't like the way he handles himself with his ex and the children, end the relationship. Her control and his time with the children probably won't change, at least not for a while. Now you know not to make plans that involve your friends during holidays that are important to the children.
Wow, this guy has endless patience with you. I would have dumped you a long time ago. We have told you over and over that if you date a guy who has his own business, works hard, and has little children, he will not have time for you every time you expect it. The fact that he is still running after you, trying to please you, is beyond my imagination.
And your friends? OMG. They are idiots.
Yes, this pretty much sums it up. Your "friends" are forcing you to choose between themselves and your boyfriend. If it were me, I would cut them off for a while.
I don't want to reach out to her because I don't think I'm wrong, and I'm pretty sure in her head she thinks she's looking out for me and I should appreciate it.
They are looking out for you. Don't hold it against them and ruin a 30 year friendship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chaofan
Why are you friends with these people? They sound like carny people. Perhaps this is a blessing in disguise. Cut them loose and find better quality friends with more class and emotional maturity.
That's a really terrible thing to say.
Quote:
Originally Posted by james112
If you understand you shouldn't be getting frustrated. Your logical thinking does not match your feelings.
Your feelings are what matter most.
james, it's not that simple. A person can understand and still be upset/frustrated.
It was Christmas and the OP was excited to show off her boyfriend to her friends. He stood her up...AND he embarrassed her. She has every right to be upset and frustrated. But, at the same time, she does realize (and understands) that his kids are his top priority and stuff like this will happen sometimes. It's still frustrating though.
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