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At some point, if he needs to spend time with the kids, you need to be able to a part of that even if there are potentially awkward situations with other adults. Heck, sometimes, the kids and him could come with you with your family too.
Maybe start off with short visits of like 1-3 hours worth with everyone altogether.
If that's not okay, then time to break up!
If your family and friends are just holding you back and not trying to sort your emotions properly, consider a therapist and/or life coach to vent to instead.
She posted she's been dating him about four months. Not long enough to get kids involved.
So Saturday morning I had a falling out with two of my closest friends, my best friend and her mom. I'll try to keep it as brief as possible:
I've been dating my current boyfriend for about 4 months now, he is divorced with 2 small children, so as dating any single parent with 2 small children sometimes thing come up and plans can change last minute. He was supposed to be with his kids on Christmas day and then tentatively join me at my best friend's house that evening. However he got caught up with the kids and long story short didn't make it, I had an argument with him about because I was embarrassed in front of my friends, he was apologizing to me for 3 hours and promised he wouldn't do something like that to me again, I forgave him. However when he didn't show up at my best friend's house her and her mom started urging me to text him and tell him off or break up with him, which is not really the way I do things. They kept insisting I do it, which was adding to the embarrassment and causing anxiety over this whole thing, so I just left (the party was over anyway) and said I'd decide what to do on my way home. They kept telling me if I don't break up with him, I should at least not talk to him for a week. I personally think these tactics are ridiculous, if you want to forgive someone forgive them, if you want to break up with someone than break up with them. I clearly did not want to break up with him over this, since I understand him putting his kids before me that's what he should be doing.
Anyway I usually see him friday nights, and they kept telling me not to see him. I just ignored them and saw him Friday night. Friday evening my best friend starting bombarding me with aggressive texts and one of them was "are you with that POS"? and then other texts saying how her mother is angry with me and stuff. I didn't see these texts until Saturday morning, and when I called the both of them back they were basically talking down to me and degrading me for seeing my boyfriend. They eventually hung up on me and that was it. Just some background we've been best friends for 30 years, she's more like my sister than anything else, so I've been sick over this. I don't want to reach out to her because I don't think I'm wrong, and I'm pretty sure in her head she thinks she's looking out for me and I should appreciate it. I just don't know what to do right now, I'm consumed with anxiety over this. Any suggestions on how to approach are welcome....
Rule # 1.... Kids always come first especially at Holidays/Christmas. I didn't go skiing/snowmobiling once over Christmas break had 2 weeks off and I live in Utah. My entire break I was "adulting" taking care of my 2 baby girls while my wife had to work. Daycare/Pre-school was closed so I had to step up. I used my own personal PTO and babysitter, housekeeper, cook, and dishwasher for a full 2 weeks. I didn't go to our friend's Christmas party and their pubcrawl/karoke event. I didn't go get a massage nor did I even go shopping for Christmas presents (thank god for Amazon). I will say that taking my kids sledding and playing Santa made this the most important and best Christmas I've ever had. The only friends/family that I saw were the one's willing to come visit us outside of nap times. Nothing else mattered besides this!
She posted she's been dating him about four months. Not long enough to get kids involved.
Agree. No way should young children already going through their parents’ divorce be exposed to Dad’s girlfriend this early. They may already feel insecure with Dad moving out of their house. Don’t throw another person into the mix.
Be an adult and realize 3-4 months is a very short relationship and there seems to be major issues already.
I'd still like to know, and it hasn't been addressed...
Does the friend and friend's mother KNOW that the boyfriend was not to be expected? OP KNEW he probably wasn't going to be able to make this date. She knew this ahead of time. Did she relay this to the friends?
Cause...I can see the friends being upset if this was a last minute change, and their friend (OP) got actually stood up. I'd be mad for her too.
But if a mom can't understand the kids coming first...well, that just doesn't ring right with me.
I'd still like to know, and it hasn't been addressed...
Does the friend and friend's mother KNOW that the boyfriend was not to be expected? OP KNEW he probably wasn't going to be able to make this date. She knew this ahead of time. Did she relay this to the friends?
Cause...I can see the friends being upset if this was a last minute change, and their friend (OP) got actually stood up. I'd be mad for her too.
But if a mom can't understand the kids coming first...well, that just doesn't ring right with me.
I agree that this is one of the main problems. The other is the amount of venting bebe does with her friends.
She has known since a week before Christmas that their original plan probably wasn't going to work. Even if he was telling her on Christmas Eve that he would be there, the likelihood of that holding up is weak, given the way he avoids confrontation with his ex.
As some of us told her, she should have told him not to worry about being there on the 25th and let him off the hook so there wouldn't be any pressure on him and any disappointment for her.
I agree that this is one of the main problems. The other is the amount of venting bebe does with her friends.
She has known since a week before Christmas that their original plan probably wasn't going to work. Even if he was telling her on Christmas Eve that he would be there, the likelihood of that holding up is weak, given the way he avoids confrontation with his ex.
As some of us told her, she should have told him not to worry about being there on the 25th and let him off the hook so there wouldn't be any pressure on him and any disappointment for her.
But she wouldn't consider that option.
The amount, and the KIND of venting. (IMO).
OP knew ALL ALONG that this date might be problematic.
On one hand, OP says she understands that the kids come first, but the evidence seems to suggest that she does NOT understand, and she took it personally that he wasn't there. Not fair (again, my opinion) to blame friends for this fall-out, when that's how OP presented the issue to the friends.
(BirdieBelle, I'm essentially agreeing with you...but it's the type of venting she was doing as well as the quantity of venting. I feel like OP is being a little disingenuous.)
I'm wondering if there are many male posters on this thread 'cause somehow I doubt it.
(Ok, now I'm going back to serious threads like arguing over whether this is the first year of the NEW decade or the last year of the OLD decade.)
Define many. I'm one.
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