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I agree that this is one of the main problems. The other is the amount of venting bebe does with her friends.
She has known since a week before Christmas that their original plan probably wasn't going to work. Even if he was telling her on Christmas Eve that he would be there, the likelihood of that holding up is weak, given the way he avoids confrontation with his ex.
As some of us told her, she should have told him not to worry about being there on the 25th and let him off the hook so there wouldn't be any pressure on him and any disappointment for her.
But she wouldn't consider that option.
Or just been like ok if he comes, great, if not, ok. Instead it was made into a thing.
So Saturday morning I had a falling out with two of my closest friends, my best friend and her mom. I'll try to keep it as brief as possible:
I've been dating my current boyfriend for about 4 months now, he is divorced with 2 small children, so as dating any single parent with 2 small children sometimes thing come up and plans can change last minute. He was supposed to be with his kids on Christmas day and then tentatively join me at my best friend's house that evening. However he got caught up with the kids and long story short didn't make it, I had an argument with him about because I was embarrassed in front of my friends, he was apologizing to me for 3 hours and promised he wouldn't do something like that to me again, I forgave him. However when he didn't show up at my best friend's house her and her mom started urging me to text him and tell him off or break up with him, which is not really the way I do things. They kept insisting I do it, which was adding to the embarrassment and causing anxiety over this whole thing, so I just left (the party was over anyway) and said I'd decide what to do on my way home. They kept telling me if I don't break up with him, I should at least not talk to him for a week. I personally think these tactics are ridiculous, if you want to forgive someone forgive them, if you want to break up with someone than break up with them. I clearly did not want to break up with him over this, since I understand him putting his kids before me that's what he should be doing.
Anyway I usually see him friday nights, and they kept telling me not to see him. I just ignored them and saw him Friday night. Friday evening my best friend starting bombarding me with aggressive texts and one of them was "are you with that POS"? and then other texts saying how her mother is angry with me and stuff. I didn't see these texts until Saturday morning, and when I called the both of them back they were basically talking down to me and degrading me for seeing my boyfriend. They eventually hung up on me and that was it. Just some background we've been best friends for 30 years, she's more like my sister than anything else, so I've been sick over this. I don't want to reach out to her because I don't think I'm wrong, and I'm pretty sure in her head she thinks she's looking out for me and I should appreciate it. I just don't know what to do right now, I'm consumed with anxiety over this. Any suggestions on how to approach are welcome....
It just doesn't sound wise to mix your friends with your lovers. However, I am going to agree with your friends. That guy sounds like he is just using the kids as an excuse for some ulterior motive (such as not really wanting to spend time with you or rather to spend it with his ex). I think your date is being dishonest. Listen to your friends and break it off.
If a dude wants to be with you, then, nothing will stop him.
OP, you used the word “tentative”. That means maybe so, maybe not. Comme ci comme ça. Que sera, sera.
Your logical self understood this was the way to view his appearance at your holiday gathering, your emotional outer cues gave your friends the impression they’d better support you in your “heartbreak” over the event.
Go back to trying to be logical. The holidays are over, his not showing is a non-event, it’s a new relationship, people have traditions that die hard at the end of a marriage. Next year will be easier! Just tell your friends you’re sorry if you gave the impression it was a big deal and ask if you can move on. Then move on. Good luck!
I've spoken to the both of them, wished them a happy new year. Her mom just had surgery so I've been in contact with them just to see how she's doing and make sure she's ok. My birthday was this passed Monday, they called to wish me a happy birthday. I was on the phone with my friend for a while, we didn't mention the argument however she did keep bringing him up even though I was trying to steer the conversation the other way. She again passed a negative comment about him, I ignored it and changed the subject. Haven't spoken on the phone to her since, only through text about her mother. Last I texted with her she made a passive aggressive comment towards me and I haven't spoken to her since.
However, I have had a few conversations with the mom and she was smart enough to steer clear of bringing him up or my relationship. Going forward I will not be discussing him or my relationship with him, lesson learned!
It sounds to me like you might have been creating some drama in front of the friend and her mom and that's why they jumped all over everything.
Your OP said he was tentatively spending Christmas evening with you and when you found out he wasn't, you basically had a 3 hour dramatic fight (maybe on and off???) about it because you were embarrassed that he chose his kids over you, the 4 month long girlfriend. Tentatively means it might not happen, not sure why it turned all dramatic, but if you want an ongoing relationship with this man, you might want to rethink your reaction to a tentative date.
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