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So Saturday morning I had a falling out with two of my closest friends, my best friend and her mom. I'll try to keep it as brief as possible:
I've been dating my current boyfriend for about 4 months now, he is divorced with 2 small children, so as dating any single parent with 2 small children sometimes thing come up and plans can change last minute. He was supposed to be with his kids on Christmas day and then tentatively join me at my best friend's house that evening. However he got caught up with the kids and long story short didn't make it, I had an argument with him about because I was embarrassed in front of my friends, he was apologizing to me for 3 hours and promised he wouldn't do something like that to me again, I forgave him. However when he didn't show up at my best friend's house her and her mom started urging me to text him and tell him off or break up with him, which is not really the way I do things. They kept insisting I do it, which was adding to the embarrassment and causing anxiety over this whole thing, so I just left (the party was over anyway) and said I'd decide what to do on my way home. They kept telling me if I don't break up with him, I should at least not talk to him for a week. I personally think these tactics are ridiculous, if you want to forgive someone forgive them, if you want to break up with someone than break up with them. I clearly did not want to break up with him over this, since I understand him putting his kids before me that's what he should be doing.
Anyway I usually see him friday nights, and they kept telling me not to see him. I just ignored them and saw him Friday night. Friday evening my best friend starting bombarding me with aggressive texts and one of them was "are you with that POS"? and then other texts saying how her mother is angry with me and stuff. I didn't see these texts until Saturday morning, and when I called the both of them back they were basically talking down to me and degrading me for seeing my boyfriend. They eventually hung up on me and that was it. Just some background we've been best friends for 30 years, she's more like my sister than anything else, so I've been sick over this. I don't want to reach out to her because I don't think I'm wrong, and I'm pretty sure in her head she thinks she's looking out for me and I should appreciate it. I just don't know what to do right now, I'm consumed with anxiety over this. Any suggestions on how to approach are welcome....
Why are you friends with these people? They sound like carny people. Perhaps this is a blessing in disguise. Cut them loose and find better quality friends with more class and emotional maturity.
Is there a reason they are so against him? Did he do or say something to them at some point? I don't understand why they are so concerned and invested in you breaking up with him? What's it to them?
So Saturday morning I had a falling out with two of my closest friends, my best friend and her mom. I'll try to keep it as brief as possible:
I've been dating my current boyfriend for about 4 months now, he is divorced with 2 small children, so as dating any single parent with 2 small children sometimes thing come up and plans can change last minute. He was supposed to be with his kids on Christmas day and then tentatively join me at my best friend's house that evening. However he got caught up with the kids and long story short didn't make it, I had an argument with him about because I was embarrassed in front of my friends, he was apologizing to me for 3 hours and promised he wouldn't do something like that to me again, I forgave him.
Wow, this guy has endless patience with you. I would have dumped you a long time ago. We have told you over and over that if you date a guy who has his own business, works hard, and has little children, he will not have time for you every time you expect it. The fact that he is still running after you, trying to please you, is beyond my imagination.
Is there a reason they are so against him? Did he do or say something to them at some point? I don't understand why they are so concerned and invested in you breaking up with him? What's it to them?
They've never even met him. I think they don't like that he's constantly putting his kids ahead of me, there have been instances where plans were changed last minute due to the kids, but I've was never angry at him over it just frustrated at the situation and I would vent to them about it, that was my mistake I guess.
I would vent to them about it, that was my mistake I guess.
Yes, I would bet this ^^ is it.
I kind of understand how they feel, because you have been asking about this guy in another subforum for weeks, and while many of us spend lots of time trying to counsel you through things, you just go ahead and do what you're going to do regardless of the advice here. It grts frustrating.
You need to think long and hard today about how YOU handle your business and how much "venting" you do with your friends that doesn't actually go anywhere.
It's time for YOU to take on some of these decisions yourself and respect that the people in your life have opinions on it and also may get tired of being used as a sounding board.
Their response is WAY out of line. But you apparently let them think they have some say in your life with the amount of "venting" you do with them. You need to apologize to them for letting them think they can talk to you that way, and then work hard to reestablish some emotional boundaries with your friend by controlling your "venting."
Think of some way to get this friendship back on track that works for BOTH of you.
They've never even met him. I think they don't like that he's constantly putting his kids ahead of me, there have been instances where plans were changed last minute due to the kids, but I've was never angry at him over it just frustrated at the situation and I would vent to them about it, that was my mistake I guess.
yes, that is on you.
Do any of your friends have kids? I cannot believe so many people wonder that anyone puts his kids ahead of a girlfriend.
Do any of your friends have kids? I cannot believe so many people wonder that anyone puts his kids ahead of a girlfriend.
I mean, these same friends vented to me a lot, and I've always given honest advice but never got this aggressive if they didn't take it. I thought you should be able to vent to your friends without judgement.
They all have kids, but none of them are divorced. Also while my best friend is married, her husband isn't exactly as hands on with the kids as my boyfriend is with his kids, so I think that's where she fails to understand.
I kind of understand how they feel, because you have been asking about this guy in another subforum for weeks, and while many of us spend lots of time trying to counsel you through things, you just go ahead and do what you're going to do regardless of the advice here. It grts frustrating.
You need to think long and hard today about how YOU handle your business and how much "venting" you do with your friends that doesn't actually go anywhere.
It's time for YOU to take on some of these decisions yourself and respect that the people in your life have opinions on it and also may get tired of being used as a sounding board.
Their response is WAY out of line. But you apparently let them think they have some say in your life with the amount of "venting" you do with them. You need to apologize to them for letting them think they can talk to you that way, and then work hard to reestablish some emotional boundaries with your friend by controlling your "venting."
Think of some way to get this friendship back on track that works for BOTH of you.
Yes, but they were giving me opposite advice from what the consensus was on my other threads. So I actually did take the advice from the forums.
Im just the type of person who needs to vent and get things off my chest
Yes, but they were giving me opposite advice from what the consensus was on my other threads. So I actually did take the advice from the forums.
People here told you NOT to get petty with him, but you did. I suggested that you NOT expect him to come to your friend's house, to let him off that hook, so you wouldn't get disappointed and you could avoid that kind of messy situation.
You've known this was coming for weeks, yet you STILL got in an argument with him during their party. You HAVE to take some control over your emotions and how YOU handle them.
Maybe your friends were just tired of having that petty drama go on during their Christmas celebration.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bebe182
Im just the type of person who needs to vent and get things off my chest
Now you know that can have consequences.
There are limits to the amount of time and energy people want to be used as a sounding board. It sounds like you've reached your limit with them, since they feel so free to behave this way with you.
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