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I USED to be the parent who stood at the bottom of the stairs, yelling up about how the bus was coming, etc. It was a lousy way to start the day for both myself and my kids. One day the boys came to me and said they promised they wouldn't miss the bus, if I would just...stay..in..bed. So, I did. They took responsibility for what was truly their's to own. And, I got to sleep in. They never did miss that dang bus.
I USED to be the parent who stood at the bottom of the stairs, yelling up about how the bus was coming, etc. It was a lousy way to start the day for both myself and my kids. One day the boys came to me and said they promised they wouldn't miss the bus, if I would just...stay..in..bed. So, I did. They took responsibility for what was truly their's to own. And, I got to sleep in. They never did miss that dang bus.
That's awesome.
It's impossible to know what kids will do if you just stay out of it for a minute, if you never do.
My son started 7th grade, he will be 13 in November.
For as long as we can remember, he has never been in any sort of hurry in the morning.
She doesn't like to yell at him and keep on him in the morning.
What do other parents do to get their young ones motivated to get ready in the morning?
We wake him up at 6 (6:30 at the latest), and he needs to leave the house by 7:30 to get to school on time.
Here is what he needs to do in the morning:
-feed dogs and let them outside. The night before he puts the food in the dog bowls and leaves them in the garage. So all he needs to do is grab the bowls and set them down. Once they eat, he just has to open the kitchen door and they go outside on their own.
-take a shower. I know that this can be done at night to save time, but his hair will look greasy if he showers the night before. It is best for him to shower in the morning.
-scoop the litter box. This is done twice daily, so we aren't talking like a lot of stuff to scoop
-eat breakfast. my wife makes him breakfast every morning
So that is it. But she is constantly telling to eat faster, to not take 5 minutes putting shoes on, etc.
There is no real sense of urgency with him
We need advice. As it is, we don't allow him to use electronics during the week. So he can't play video games or on his computer. Unless he needs to go online for school, of course.
What kind of consequences can we give him?
G'morning Brian!
It isn't healthy to hurry in the morning!
Ever considered home schooling?
We homeschooled all of ours - using the Unschooling method. I can't recommend the adventure highly enough. BTW, not one of our kids was a 'morning' person - and neither am I.
Must be something in the genes.... Y'think?
Seriously though; I wouldn't worry. When he finds his 'hot button' (and he will) you won't have to coax him to follow his dreams. A kid should have his head in the clouds - it's the best way to get a good look at one's options!
All the best with your son - and my love to your wife.
P.S. Brian, do you know that the human brain doesn't fully mature until one reaches 23? It's true.
Kids don't even reach an Alpha (awake, aware, and alert) state until they're around 7, and your son sounds pretty normal to me. What's so urgent that you feel he ought to feel a sense of urgency? Is he a good boy? Does he love you and your wife? The dogs? The cats? What are his interests - HIS interests? You can teach/motivate/nurture just about any subject you care to name under the guise of your son's favorite sport, hobby, subject, or interest.
Think about your own life. How much attention do you pay to things that don't interest you? (I ask this in all sincerity and with all possible respect.) We're fundamentally ALL THE SAME, y'know. We pay attention to what interests us, and we let float by what doesn't. That's why human endeavors and pursuits are so diverse - doctor, lawyer, Indian chief... does it matter? Inside your son - and everyone - is the seed of something wonderful - something uniquely his - something he knows instinctively, and that seed will blossom in its time. Just keep marinating him in LOVE and he'll do you proud one day. I've witnessed this truth hundreds of times - maybe more.
Just a bit of a heads up: if you push your son before he's ready, he just might rebel, and that seed inside him might not get the chance to grow. Unfortunately, that happens too....
P.S. Brian, do you know that the human brain doesn't fully mature until one reaches 23? It's true.
Kids don't even reach an Alpha (awake, aware, and alert) state until they're around 7, and your son sounds pretty normal to me. What's so urgent that you feel he ought to feel a sense of urgency? Is he a good boy? Does he love you and your wife? The dogs? The cats? What are his interests - HIS interests? You can teach/motivate/nurture just about any subject you care to name under the guise of your son's favorite sport, hobby, subject, or interest.
Think about your own life. How much attention do you pay to things that don't interest you? (I ask this in all sincerity and with all possible respect.) We're fundamentally ALL THE SAME, y'know. We pay attention to what interests us, and we let float by what doesn't. That's why human endeavors and pursuits are so diverse - doctor, lawyer, Indian chief... does it matter? Inside your son - and everyone - is the seed of something wonderful - something uniquely his - something he knows instinctively, and that seed will blossom in its time. Just keep marinating him in LOVE and he'll do you proud one day. I've witnessed this truth hundreds of times - maybe more.
Just a bit of a heads up: if you push your son before he's ready, he just might rebel, and that seed inside him might not get the chance to grow. Unfortunately, that happens too....
My son started 7th grade, he will be 13 in November.
For as long as we can remember, he has never been in any sort of hurry in the morning.
She doesn't like to yell at him and keep on him in the morning.
What do other parents do to get their young ones motivated to get ready in the morning?
We wake him up at 6 (6:30 at the latest), and he needs to leave the house by 7:30 to get to school on time.
Here is what he needs to do in the morning:
-feed dogs and let them outside. The night before he puts the food in the dog bowls and leaves them in the garage. So all he needs to do is grab the bowls and set them down. Once they eat, he just has to open the kitchen door and they go outside on their own.
-take a shower. I know that this can be done at night to save time, but his hair will look greasy if he showers the night before. It is best for him to shower in the morning.
-scoop the litter box. This is done twice daily, so we aren't talking like a lot of stuff to scoop
-eat breakfast. my wife makes him breakfast every morning
So that is it. But she is constantly telling to eat faster, to not take 5 minutes putting shoes on, etc.
There is no real sense of urgency with him
We need advice. As it is, we don't allow him to use electronics during the week. So he can't play video games or on his computer. Unless he needs to go online for school, of course.
What kind of consequences can we give him?
No, that's not really it. I have a 7th grader and she has to, organize clothes. get dressed, organize backpack (usually done the night before, but some things are added in the am, such as her gym uniform and lunch), eat breakfast, brush teeth, and put her shoes on. And this is all only a half hour before we leave.
What I am saying is you've listed the things he has to do from YOUR perspective, but if you break it down, there is more to it than that. You could follow rewards/punishments if that is what works for your family, but a more 'supportive' approach might work. Talk to him about what is slowing him down; what takes the most time? Could a compromise be offered on chores such as empty the litter when you get home from school?
He is old enough to have collaborative problem solving as an effective approach. If you just hand out consequences he is not really involved in resolving his own problem. He needs more of that skill at his age.
I can tell you I've never had problems with my daughter getting ready for school in the am. She has always known I am there to help if needed, even as she has gained independence in getting ready for school, so no need for anxiety or dawdling. Hope it works out for you both.
Just to clarify: I know that the OP's son isn't 7 - I believe I mentioned that he's 13. I simply wanted to point out the stages (and mental/emotional states - medically speaking) from one age to another in our journey to adulthood, and beyond.
I wish I'd known more sooner, as in when my kids were under five years old, as I would have made better decisions had I been armed with the information I have now.
at 13, alot is going on,,,most kids dont like school at that age- and he's ALWAYS going to be testing boundries-you give an inch, he will take a mile...
kids that age need structure- if a parent backs off, to what "they want to do" they will eat junk, and play video games all day
my father was a fisherman, if we didnt get up at 4.am he would hit us with a squirt gun in the face,,,that worked, we jumped out of bed after that
i never did that to my kids- i just got on them to hurry up
when my son would have friends over, some were just "doddlers" in the morning,,,so the night before id tell them- if we were getting up,,,exactly what will happen in the morning, and then go camping,,,or whatever we were doing,,
but giving an outline,,or expectation always helped..
whatever you do,,,dont back down or off,,
kids need structure,,,they wont ask for it,,but its very important,,,that you are consistent..
he may grow out of this- school sucks for alot of kids his age,,,he just hates to go there,,
have a father-one on one talk,,,see if there is a problem,,,with school..
No, that's not really it. I have a 7th grader and she has to, organize clothes. get dressed, organize backpack (usually done the night before, but some things are added in the am, such as her gym uniform and lunch), eat breakfast, brush teeth, and put her shoes on. And this is all only a half hour before we leave.
What I am saying is you've listed the things he has to do from YOUR perspective, but if you break it down, there is more to it than that. You could follow rewards/punishments if that is what works for your family, but a more 'supportive' approach might work. Talk to him about what is slowing him down; what takes the most time? Could a compromise be offered on chores such as empty the litter when you get home from school?
He is old enough to have collaborative problem solving as an effective approach. If you just hand out consequences he is not really involved in resolving his own problem. He needs more of that skill at his age.
I can tell you I've never had problems with my daughter getting ready for school in the am. She has always known I am there to help if needed, even as she has gained independence in getting ready for school, so no need for anxiety or dawdling. Hope it works out for you both.
Moderator Cut. I have two daughters. One rarely had a problem; one had numerous problems all through school. Once she could drive herself, it was better, b/c even if she was late, why should we care?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mahrie
Evening Katiana!
I do hope you've had a wonderful day.
Just to clarify: I know that the OP's son isn't 7 - I believe I mentioned that he's 13. I simply wanted to point out the stages (and mental/emotional states - medically speaking) from one age to another in our journey to adulthood, and beyond.
I wish I'd known more sooner, as in when my kids were under five years old, as I would have made better decisions had I been armed with the information I have now.
God bless and have a peaceful evening.
Love,
Mahrie.
Thanks. I was brain-dead when I got home from work last night; probably should have stayed off the computer.
Last edited by Jaded; 08-28-2013 at 05:29 PM..
Reason: Flaming
Thanks. I was brain-dead when I got home from work last night; probably should have stayed off the computer.
Not to worry, Katiana; I'm not exactly operating on all thrusters myself this week!
Love,
Mahrie.
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