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My son started 7th grade, he will be 13 in November.
For as long as we can remember, he has never been in any sort of hurry in the morning.
She doesn't like to yell at him and keep on him in the morning.
What do other parents do to get their young ones motivated to get ready in the morning?
We wake him up at 6 (6:30 at the latest), and he needs to leave the house by 7:30 to get to school on time.
Here is what he needs to do in the morning:
-feed dogs and let them outside. The night before he puts the food in the dog bowls and leaves them in the garage. So all he needs to do is grab the bowls and set them down. Once they eat, he just has to open the kitchen door and they go outside on their own.
-take a shower. I know that this can be done at night to save time, but his hair will look greasy if he showers the night before. It is best for him to shower in the morning.
-scoop the litter box. This is done twice daily, so we aren't talking like a lot of stuff to scoop
-eat breakfast. my wife makes him breakfast every morning
So that is it. But she is constantly telling to eat faster, to not take 5 minutes putting shoes on, etc.
There is no real sense of urgency with him
We need advice. As it is, we don't allow him to use electronics during the week. So he can't play video games or on his computer. Unless he needs to go online for school, of course.
Get him up earlier. If he is still slow, start taking stuff away. We take TV (including PlayStation) and DS away until all chores are done as well as homework. Since you already take electronics away, take something else away that he enjoys. Or consider adding privileges on days he does everything without the constant struggle. But we also have the same problem as you do withour daughter and the only thing that works is taking stuff away for later in teh day and, frankly, staying on her constantly.
Get him up earlier. If he is still slow, start taking stuff away. We take TV (including PlayStation) and DS away until all chores are done as well as homework. Since you already take electronics away, take something else away that he enjoys. Or consider adding privileges on days he does everything without the constant struggle. But we also have the same problem as you do withour daughter and the only thing that works is taking stuff away for later in teh day and, frankly, staying on her constantly.
It is frustrating. We hate to always have to be on him.
He is a great kid, for the most part.
I like your suggestion about giving him an extra privilege on the days when there is no struggle. So if he will wake up and do everything in the morning and not give us hassle, then we will let him do something after school. Maybe give him an hour of video games or something.
It is frustrating. We hate to always have to be on him.
He is a great kid, for the most part.
I like your suggestion about giving him an extra privilege on the days when there is no struggle. So if he will wake up and do everything in the morning and not give us hassle, then we will let him do something after school. Maybe give him an hour of video games or something.
So, does your boss slip you a twenty when you're leaving work because you did what you were supposed to do?
You start this on a regular basis with your son, and you are on a slippery slope. Rewards for doing your part in family life? Do this on a regular basis and you are essentially tipping your son for doing his part in the family routine. Is this the idea of family cooperation that you want to plant in his head? What comes next, you start paying him per task?!
I have a friend who started this with her boy who had the same problem and at about the same age, and sometimes it worked. So, she began to give him rewards for doing the other things he didn't like to do. And sometimes it worked.
He's now an eighteen year old loafer and parasite, and has learned to that if he does the occasional right thing in the family when he wants money, he will get it.
No way. Get him up at 6 a.m., and let him know why. The family needs him to play his part, which includes getting to school on time; therefore, it is obvious he needs to get up earlier in order to do this. No crabbing or grumping about it, just give him the facts and started getting him up at 6 a.m.
So, does your boss slip you a twenty when you're leaving work because you did what you were supposed to do?
You start this on a regular basis with your son, and you are on a slippery slope. Rewards for doing your part in family life? Do this on a regular basis and you are essentially tipping your son for doing his part in the family routine. Is this the idea of family cooperation that you want to plant in his head? What comes next, you start paying him per task?!
I have a friend who started this with her boy who had the same problem and at about the same age, and sometimes it worked. So, she began to give him rewards for doing the other things he didn't like to do. And sometimes it worked.
He's now an eighteen year old loafer and parasite, and has learned to that if he does the occasional right thing in the family when he wants money, he will get it.
No way. Get him up at 6 a.m., and let him know why. The family needs him to play his part, which includes getting to school on time; therefore, it is obvious he needs to get up earlier in order to do this. No crabbing or grumping about it, just give him the facts and started getting him up at 6 a.m.
Those are valid points, and I understand the concern.
My job as a father is to make him the best person that he can possibly be. I don't want him to be a loafer or loser, because his mother and I have enabled him his whole life.
We are having a family talk tonight, and I am going to tell him that it is unacceptable for his mother and I to always have to nag him to get done in the morning.
We will list all of his requirements that he needs to do. Then I will ask him how long each task should take. I agree; we will start waking him at 6. He also needs to know that he is leaving the house at 7:30 and he needs to be done with everything by then.
She doesn't like to yell at him and keep on him in the morning.
She doesn't like it?
Too bad. Because it sounds like that's exactly what she needs to do.
(She could actually assert her authority and make sure he knows that lollygaging around isn't acceptable and won't be tolerated but..... nah.... she might sound mean. P.S. The time to start that is much younger. Had you done that you wouldn't be wondering if you should reward your 12-year old for doing what he's supposed to be doing.)
So, does your boss slip you a twenty when you're leaving work because you did what you were supposed to do?
My wife just got a bonus for basically doing a good job, which is what she is supposed to do. I do understand the sentiment though and have raised the same points with my wife some during discussions. I also don't see how you can say without doubt that your friends son's is a loafer solely because she gave him privileges for doing things he was supposed to do. There could be all kinds fo rasons for how he turned out that you don't know about. Not to mention that how one acts at 18 or 19 does not mean they will always be that way.
I think a reward here and there is a good thing at times. When I worked a different shift and would have a "weekend" of Monday and Tuesday, some days I would pick the kids up from school and instead of going straight home, we would do something fun for a few hours. Maybe something as simple as a shake from Cook Out or playing in a park. I would always preface it by saying something like, "you guys have been doing a really good job in the mornings and getting your chores done, so let's go do something special today."
My daughter is the one who we have always had the most trouble with in the mornings. She knew there would be consequences if she was not ready in time. At one point, she thought missing the school bus might not be such a bad thing and would mean she'd get to stay home from school. When my wife had to come home from work and take her to school, by the time shemade it to school and had been fussed at and grounded, she knew it was not such a good thing afterall.
I guess the one thing i learned from being an adult is that there are few absolutes. I had a lot of great ideas after parenthood as a single, childless 25 year old!
Once I got married and we had two kids, I realized some of my ideas may have worked better in theory than in practice.
My son started 7th grade, he will be 13 in November.
For as long as we can remember, he has never been in any sort of hurry in the morning.
She doesn't like to yell at him and keep on him in the morning.
What do other parents do to get their young ones motivated to get ready in the morning?
We wake him up at 6 (6:30 at the latest), and he needs to leave the house by 7:30 to get to school on time.
Here is what he needs to do in the morning:
-feed dogs and let them outside. The night before he puts the food in the dog bowls and leaves them in the garage. So all he needs to do is grab the bowls and set them down. Once they eat, he just has to open the kitchen door and they go outside on their own.
-take a shower. I know that this can be done at night to save time, but his hair will look greasy if he showers the night before. It is best for him to shower in the morning.
-scoop the litter box. This is done twice daily, so we aren't talking like a lot of stuff to scoop
-eat breakfast. my wife makes him breakfast every morning
So that is it. But she is constantly telling to eat faster, to not take 5 minutes putting shoes on, etc.
There is no real sense of urgency with him
We need advice. As it is, we don't allow him to use electronics during the week. So he can't play video games or on his computer. Unless he needs to go online for school, of course.
What kind of consequences can we give him?
Remove any and all electronics or games from his bedroom that stimulate him when it is time for bed.
Make his bedroom a "bedroom" a place to sleep not be entertained.
Put him in his room at 9PM and lights out at 10:00pm, wake him at 5:00am and give him one hour to get all his chores done and be ready to walk out of the door.
No television in the morning for anyone in the house.
Tell him ONE TIME to get out of the bed and make him stick to his daily routine and for every 5 minutes he stays in the bed or goes over his one hour to get ready in the morning take something else away.
Ground him for the weekend, no activities, no friends, no phone, no games, etc.
He will learn very quickly and things will change. He is used to being told over and over to do things, do not give him that constant reminder, tell him he will be told ONE TIME and after that consequences will ensue. Then stand firm and follow through do not give empty threats.
I don't hurry in the mornings either. OTOH, I get up early enough that I get done what I need to get done.
Maybe instead of telling him how long something will take. ASK HIM how long something will take for him to do. Then make him figure out what time he needs to get up.
It is frustrating. We hate to always have to be on him.
I don't think you have to "be on him." Give him the expectations in advance - "We love you and it's important for you to learn ________. If you do _____, you can earn ______. If you do not, you will lose _________. "
If he doesn't comply, you don't need to yell or be on him; you just say "you chose not to do ______, so now you've lost ______." There is no need to debate because you already told him. If you choose meaningful things as contingencies, they will do the work as long as you're consistent with them. Being on him hasn't been that effective, so I would do no more than a reminder in the morning that you hope he chooses to earn _________ by getting up and doing what he needs to do. On the other hand, if he does comply, then I would certainly praise his effort when explaining that he earned whatever it is.
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