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I like the "get more sleep" tactic. And figuring out a timetable that he agrees will work. Then if he's not ready to leave 10 minutes (pick a time) in advance, you get to pick out what he's going to wear to school. I'd have a couple of GREAT Goodwill outfits hanging in the closet for just those occasions. If he slows down just pull them out and get ready to get him changed! OOOOH my kids were tormented youth!!
P.S. The reason his hair looks greasy is because it's used to being washed every day. If you make him go without washing his hair for a few days, it will adapt to it's new lifestyle and be just fine.
Just heard an author on the radio this morning explaining that kids through teenage years still need lots of sleep,and teens themselves almost develop a nocturnal stage for awhile...
It is frustrating. We hate to always have to be on him.
He is a great kid, for the most part.
No, you do not always HAVE to be on him. Allow him to suffer the consequences of his behavior.
Get off him for starters. Have a list of what he has to accomplish in the morning. Post it on the fridge if it makes it easier for him. Then let him do what he needs to do. The first day he is late to school, he will have some kind of consequence the school meets out. And you need to do the same - give him a consequence.
Allow your son to earn his consequences on his own. A consequence is whatever result - could be reward OR punishment. Punishment could be removal of a reward or other "extra". When he does all that is required of him WITHOUT you guys nagging, he gets a small reward; and when he does not, he reaps a punishment of sorts.
Do start out big with the rewards and small with the punishment; gradually decrease/increase. What this does is allow him to EARN the consequences and to build his self-esteem at the same time. The point is to permit him to learn to be self-motivating and self-reliant.
Our jobs as parents is to help our children become independent and to make ourselves redundant.
PS, I don't know why the cat boxes cannot be scooped just once daily - unless you have an army of cats and not enough boxes. I certainly would not be wanting to be scooping the boxes in the morning. It's an odious enough chore without it being one of the ways to start the day.
This is a very good and detailed post. I hope the OP takes this advice.
The first thing I have to add is that it is unsanitary to have him dealing with the dogs and then with cat sh*t and then ask him to eat after that. He should not be eating right after dealing with animals and feces - on the off chance that he doesn't get all of that off of his hands (assuming he washes his hands). Cleanliness is key. Shower then eat then deal with the dogs, the cats and the sh*t.
The second thing I have to add is...why does he have to be a freaking farmer before he even gets to school in the morning. To me, that is too much to ask a kid to do even before he gets to school. I was expecting to see go out back and milk the cow and tend the sheep (seriously). I think that his job in the morning ought to be readying his mind and his body for the most important task that he has at his age...his education. Not taking care of a bunch of animals. Can't somebody else let the dogs out and clean the cat sh*t? Did he ask for all of these animals? Are they all his? Nobody else enjoys them? If they are not solely his animals, why is he doing all of this? Why not make his chores stuff that have to do with him (e.g., straighten his room). I'd sure resent having to do all of that in the morning, especially if it's not solely my pet.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes
Does he do those tasks in that order? If so, that's the problem. It's not a very productive task list for only an hour. She's feeding him last. He is feeding the dogs first which means waiting for them to finish eating. A shower an getting dressed is a half hour to 40 minutes. Watching the dogs eat is 10 minutes. That leaves just 10 to 15 minutes to eat and scoop the litter box.
6:00 to 6:15 -- Wake up (it takes a few minutes), go to bathroom to pee, go to garage, set bowls out, wait for dogs to eat, let them outside
6:15 to 6:45 -- Walk to bathroom, shower and dress
6:45-6:50 -- Scoop litter (I sure hope he's washing his hands afterwards!)
6:50 to 7:00 -- Eat, put shoes on, get coat, backpack
I sure like more than 10 minutes to eat my food.
It would be better if your wife served breakfast first and he ate while the dogs are eating. He could scoop the litter while the dog is eating but that will only give him an additional 5 minutes to eat breakfast and get his shoes, coat and backpack.
He needs to wake up 15 minutes earlier. OR his time will be best spent if he showers first. Wakes up, walks into the bathroom, pees, gets into shower (that way he is doing something while he's waking up and it will help him wake up.)
6:00 to 6:30 -- Wake up, walk to bathroom, pee, get in shower, get dressed.
6:30 to 6:35 -- Go downstairs, scoop litter, set out dog dishes
6:35 to 6:55 -- Eat Breakfast (that's 20 minutes) while dogs are eating and let dogs out when he's done eating
6:55 to 7:00 -- Put on shoes, get coat and backpack
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
Does he do those tasks in that order? If so, that's the problem. It's not a very productive task list for only an hour. She's feeding him last. He is feeding the dogs first which means waiting for them to finish eating. A shower an getting dressed is a half hour to 40 minutes. Watching the dogs eat is 10 minutes. That leaves just 10 to 15 minutes to eat and scoop the litter box.
6:00 to 6:15 -- Wake up (it takes a few minutes), go to bathroom to pee, go to garage, set bowls out, wait for dogs to eat, let them outside
6:15 to 6:45 -- Walk to bathroom, shower and dress
6:45-6:50 -- Scoop litter (I sure hope he's washing his hands afterwards!)
6:50 to 7:00 -- Eat, put shoes on, get coat, backpack
I sure like more than 10 minutes to eat my food.
It would be better if your wife served breakfast first and he ate while the dogs are eating. He could scoop the litter while the dog is eating but that will only give him an additional 5 minutes to eat breakfast and get his shoes, coat and backpack.
He needs to wake up 15 minutes earlier. OR his time will be best spent if he showers first. Wakes up, walks into the bathroom, pees, gets into shower (that way he is doing something while he's waking up and it will help him wake up.)
6:00 to 6:30 -- Wake up, walk to bathroom, pee, get in shower, get dressed.
6:30 to 6:35 -- Go downstairs, scoop litter, set out dog dishes
6:35 to 6:55 -- Eat Breakfast (that's 20 minutes) while dogs are eating and let dogs out when he's done eating
6:55 to 7:00 -- Put on shoes, get coat and backpack
You missed an entire half hour. And apparently so did everyone else. The OP said he doesn't have to leave for school until 7:30. The mistake was saying he gets up 6 OR 6:30 at the latest. 6:30 is apparently too late.
There is MORE than enough time to:
shower and get dressed,
set two dog bowls down,
scoop a litter pan that is barely dirty,
let the dogs out,
eat breakfast, brush teeth and leave in an hour and a half FFS.
He's probably IN the shower for a half hour if he's anything like most boys. Daydreaming. Or going through a bunch of tee shirts deciding what to wear. Or stopping to watch something on TV. Or checking text messages. Or searching for missing homework etc etc etc.
And something is missing off the list: making the BED a normal thing people do before leaving.
If he can't complete the routine, then get up earlier.
I can do THREE pet sitting JOBS in an hour and a half in my high rise. Let's be real here.
And I TOTALLY disagree with saying feed him less. Breakfast is very important and it should have PROTEIN not a bagel.
Maybe he hates doing the litter that early around eating - I can understand that making someone nauseous first thing - so trade something off for it. Like emptying the dish washer or something.
Quote:
The second thing I have to add is...why does he have to be a freaking farmer before he even gets to school in the morning.
Because it takes not even 10 minutes and is NOTHING. Probably more like FIVE minutes. ALL HE'S DOING IS SETTING TWO BOWLS ON THE FLOOR AND OPENING UP A DOOR for the dogs who actually should get WALKS so he's getting off doing essentially NOTHING. Not even washing the bowls out. And because he's part of a family not a guest or special prince. And because it teaches him structure and responsibility. As MEAGER as these two jobs are.
I think you've got a few good bits of advice here and there........just to add.....
I don't agree with rewarding his doing the chores in this situation unless/until he's been fairly consistent. I would certainly acknowledge/praise/reward the improvements I"ve noticed over a period of time.
I believe all children should have chores but the cat litter in the morning thingy for me personally......nah....
He's of an age where you should be able to discuss and reason, I'd ask him what his challenges are in the morning and if they sound reasonable find a way to compromise. If it's a matter of power-play(control) or flat out laziness then I agree with natural consequences, he'd leave for school late, hungry or ungroomed but he'd have to do his chores.
It is a process to get them to the goals you set, however along the way you have to adjust the goals to fit the child.
We begin with the understanding early on that the goals that must be met at all costs are getting to school on time, fully dressed.
Anything other than that may/will need to be adjusted, deleted or compromised.
If a shower in the morning can't be accomplished in a timely manner, then it will be the night before....too bad for your bad hair day. End of discussion.
If breakfast is a long drawn out affair, then it gets changed to something quick and easy. Dry cereal in the car on the way.
If the caring for the dogs in the morning cannot be managed, then the it switches to afternoon and evening care. We'd rather you go to bed 5-10 minutes late than be late to school. Mom can handle it in the morning.
If scooping the litter box is an absolute must be done twice a day, then he can do it right after school and again at night right before bed. Again, mom can handle it in the morning if it cannot be skipped. (We only have 1 cat, but we don't even have the need to scoop it everyday-maybe you can find a better litter or better cat food?)
Now, if he gets his shower, dressed and eats and is late to school, then he simply suffers the natural consequences. Here 3 tardies equal an absence and 3 absences get a detention.
I have to agree with Hypocore. Work with the kid's nature. If the chores in the AM are a problem, give him different chores later in the day. Or give him a choice. Scoop the litter in the AM, (a two minute job) or unload the dishwasher after school. (a 5 minute job) let him pick. My kids always do chores more willingly if I give them a list of 8 and tell them to choose 3 each. I'm sorry, but the natural consequences of missing the bus, being late, getting marked tardy...never going to be important to most boys.
I have to agree with Hypocore. Work with the kid's nature. If the chores in the AM are a problem, give him different chores later in the day. Or give him a choice. Scoop the litter in the AM, (a two minute job) or unload the dishwasher after school. (a 5 minute job) let him pick. My kids always do chores more willingly if I give them a list of 8 and tell them to choose 3 each. I'm sorry, but the natural consequences of missing the bus, being late, getting marked tardy...never going to be important to most boys.
I beg to differ. Missing the bus when one has no other way to get to school, and either must walk or miss the day (unexcused), can have an impact on grades (no make ups for unexcused abs) and or sports or other activity participation. The key is not rescuing him by taking him to school or writing a note excusing his absence. Better he learn this in middle school when grades aren't counting so much. Many boys do care about those things. And my own son would have been horrified to be late.
Last edited by maciesmom; 08-15-2013 at 09:32 PM..
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I'd have a couple of GREAT Goodwill outfits hanging in the closet for just those occasions. If he slows down just pull them out and get ready to get him changed! 
OOOOH my kids were tormented youth!! 
