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If he can't get everything done in an hour then tell him that his bedtime (or lights out) is a half hour earlier at night and you are waking him up a half hour earlier in the morning.
I'm betting that he figures out pretty quickly how to get everything done in an hour.
BTW Even an hour seems like plenty of time to do those few things.
I wish I had an answer. My elder son is 18 now and will be commuting to college, and he's always been a last-minute person. His younger brother is always eager to get to school early. Go figure.
Too bad. Because it sounds like that's exactly what she needs to do.
(She could actually assert her authority and make sure he knows that lollygaging around isn't acceptable and won't be tolerated but..... nah.... she might sound mean. P.S. The time to start that is much younger. Had you done that you wouldn't be wondering if you should reward your 12-year old for doing what he's supposed to be doing.)
I honestly didn't appreciate your attitude.
He is a great kid. I am just seeking other peoples feedback if they have been in a similar situation. We have been disciplining and teaching him since he was an hour old. We didn't wait until just now to be a parent.
My son started 7th grade, he will be 13 in November.
For as long as we can remember, he has never been in any sort of hurry in the morning.
She doesn't like to yell at him and keep on him in the morning.
What do other parents do to get their young ones motivated to get ready in the morning?
We wake him up at 6 (6:30 at the latest), and he needs to leave the house by 7:30 to get to school on time.
Here is what he needs to do in the morning:
-feed dogs and let them outside. The night before he puts the food in the dog bowls and leaves them in the garage. So all he needs to do is grab the bowls and set them down. Once they eat, he just has to open the kitchen door and they go outside on their own.
-take a shower. I know that this can be done at night to save time, but his hair will look greasy if he showers the night before. It is best for him to shower in the morning.
-scoop the litter box. This is done twice daily, so we aren't talking like a lot of stuff to scoop
-eat breakfast. my wife makes him breakfast every morning
So that is it. But she is constantly telling to eat faster, to not take 5 minutes putting shoes on, etc.
There is no real sense of urgency with him
We need advice. As it is, we don't allow him to use electronics during the week. So he can't play video games or on his computer. Unless he needs to go online for school, of course.
What kind of consequences can we give him?
Well, the consequences of not getting up and getting dressed in time is that you are late for school. There's no need to give him any. They already exist.
I would suggest getting him an alarm clock and tell him to get up when it goes off, and to do what he needs to do to get ready to leave when he needs to leave. There's no reason why you are doing any of those things for him. He's 13 years old.
If his hair's all askew, so be it. If he can't find his shoes, so be it. If he still has his jammies on, leave without him. If he's not ready until half an hour after school begins, take him then and have him explain it and get a late note and a record. If he's in no state to go, he stays home and racks up unexcused absences. Then HE can explain why he can't get his stuff together to the principal or the truancy officer. Or fail a test because he's not there to take it. Or miss sports practice or whatever extracurricular he should have done that day. Or miss the school dance. Or get detention.
Those are the consequences. He's way more than old enough to face the ACTUAL consequences of HIS actions.
We wake him up at 6 (6:30 at the latest), and he needs to leave the house by 7:30 to get to school on time.
Here is what he needs to do in the morning:
-feed dogs and let them outside. The night before he puts the food in the dog bowls and leaves them in the garage. So all he needs to do is grab the bowls and set them down. Once they eat, he just has to open the kitchen door and they go outside on their own.
-take a shower. I know that this can be done at night to save time, but his hair will look greasy if he showers the night before. It is best for him to shower in the morning.
-scoop the litter box. This is done twice daily, so we aren't talking like a lot of stuff to scoop
-eat breakfast. my wife makes him breakfast every morning
So that is it. But she is constantly telling to eat faster, to not take 5 minutes putting shoes on, etc.
Does he do those tasks in that order? If so, that's the problem. It's not a very productive task list for only an hour. She's feeding him last. He is feeding the dogs first which means waiting for them to finish eating. A shower an getting dressed is a half hour to 40 minutes. Watching the dogs eat is 10 minutes. That leaves just 10 to 15 minutes to eat and scoop the litter box.
6:00 to 6:15 -- Wake up (it takes a few minutes), go to bathroom to pee, go to garage, set bowls out, wait for dogs to eat, let them outside
6:15 to 6:45 -- Walk to bathroom, shower and dress
6:45-6:50 -- Scoop litter (I sure hope he's washing his hands afterwards!)
6:50 to 7:00 -- Eat, put shoes on, get coat, backpack
I sure like more than 10 minutes to eat my food.
It would be better if your wife served breakfast first and he ate while the dogs are eating. He could scoop the litter while the dog is eating but that will only give him an additional 5 minutes to eat breakfast and get his shoes, coat and backpack.
He needs to wake up 15 minutes earlier. OR his time will be best spent if he showers first. Wakes up, walks into the bathroom, pees, gets into shower (that way he is doing something while he's waking up and it will help him wake up.)
6:00 to 6:30 -- Wake up, walk to bathroom, pee, get in shower, get dressed.
6:30 to 6:35 -- Go downstairs, scoop litter, set out dog dishes
6:35 to 6:55 -- Eat Breakfast (that's 20 minutes) while dogs are eating and let dogs out when he's done eating
6:55 to 7:00 -- Put on shoes, get coat and backpack
You are considering rewarding your son because he managed to get out the door in time. Go for it. That's the beauty of a free country. You get to do that. He could be a great kid.... but he isn't doing what he needs to do and what you've done so far hasn't worked. I believe children should be raised to cope (and excel) in the real world. No boss I ever had rewarded me for getting my butt to work on time but, who knows? Maybe they're out there and maybe your son will find the woman who says, "You're here! Congratulations. Here's a cookie."
Last edited by DewDropInn; 08-15-2013 at 12:00 PM..
You are considering rewarding your son because he managed to get out the door in time. Go for it. That's the beauty of a free country. You get to do that. He could be a great kid.... but he isn't doing what he needs to do and what you've done so far hasn't worked. I believe children should be raised to cope (and excel) in the real world. No boss I ever had rewarded me for getting my butt to work on time but, who knows? Maybe they're out there and maybe your son will find the woman who says, "You're here! Congratulations. Here's a cookie."
You're rewarded for being to work on time and doing what you're supposed to do in the form of a paycheck. If you stop doing that, you risk losing the paycheck.
Moderator Cut. I get your opinion on what the OP and his wife should do, great - but it could have been said in a less threatning way that would have not deviated from your desire to tell it like it is. Moderator Cut. And I wonder if you have kids.
Moderator Cut
Last edited by Jaded; 08-15-2013 at 10:53 PM..
Reason: Off-topic
They're all grown up, each is doing very well and all of them get to work on time.
Having a kid who is chronically late is being "down"? Jeepers. I'd hate to know how you guys would cope if you were in a foxhole and you got a letter telling you your house burned down and your wife left you for the plumber.
Last edited by Jaded; 08-15-2013 at 10:48 PM..
Reason: Reference to edited post/comment removed
Remove any and all electronics or games from his bedroom that stimulate him when it is time for bed.
Make his bedroom a "bedroom" a place to sleep not be entertained.
Put him in his room at 9PM and lights out at 10:00pm, wake him at 5:00am and give him one hour to get all his chores done and be ready to walk out of the door.
No television in the morning for anyone in the house.
Tell him ONE TIME to get out of the bed and make him stick to his daily routine and for every 5 minutes he stays in the bed or goes over his one hour to get ready in the morning take something else away.
Ground him for the weekend, no activities, no friends, no phone, no games, etc.
He will learn very quickly and things will change. He is used to being told over and over to do things, do not give him that constant reminder, tell him he will be told ONE TIME and after that consequences will ensue. Then stand firm and follow through do not give empty threats.
EXACTLY. Also he needs to have an ALARM that isn't you guys. NOT next to the bed so he has to get UP to shut it off. Trust me on this. NIP IT IN THE BUD NOW. 7th grade is shockingly a huge milestone. I remember some kid brought a BONG on the school bus the Sept my kid started 7th grade. It's a KEY year. You can do it very nicely without drama or fighting or yelling. My son was an EXCELLENT negotiator. If I had it to do over again I would have done the above.
Even now he says "I can't believe what an idiot I was". I also think parents make the mistake of having different sets of rules for themselves and the kids. It's not really fair to be addicted to TV or computers ourselves then expect our kids to do otherwise - like at breakfast - they'll ALWAYS get distracted and find something on there to make them late. Worst case scenario they repeat the year if they don't do their homework and have truancy or tardies so that's something he won't want.
I would probably be adding even more daily chores. Like the trash, WALKING the dogs not just opening the door, teaching laundry etc. Or even some type of earning capability on top of doing chores for free. Now is the time to make money meaningful. And to manage money you need to get up in the morning and be responsible LOL.
He also needs to be TIRED enough to sleep. Maybe some type of sports or other activities to facilitate that. Not ramping up to watch marathons of South Park or Family Guy or whatever at 9 PM. My kid played hockey and on practice nights couldnt WAIT to hit the sack. They need MORE sleep when they're young not less like we do.
OH, and remember, soda has caffeine!
Last edited by runswithscissors; 08-15-2013 at 11:47 AM..
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