Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I never got the "bring them to school half-dressed if they aren't read by 'x' time" reasoning. When I was in school, if you showed up without a shirt or in your boxers, you would be sent straight home until you had your appropriate clothes on. So I don't see how this sort of punishment would be feasible, in fact, it sounds more like a waste of time for both the student and their parents.
I never got the "bring them to school half-dressed if they aren't read by 'x' time" reasoning. When I was in school, if you showed up without a shirt or in your boxers, you would be sent straight home until you had your appropriate clothes on. So I don't see how this sort of punishment would be feasible, in fact, it sounds more like a waste of time for both the student and their parents.
Yes. Precisely.
And it's not a punishment, it's a consequence. Punishments and natural cosequences are not the same thing.
If you get fired for being late, it's not a punishment. It's a consequence of you not holding up your end of your agreement.
Being on time is an invaluable life skill. If you don't have it, you become worse than tardy, you become unreliable. Unreliable is poison in the working/adult world.
Later on in your post you say "having worked with families".... I'm really not understanding why you don't understand (or at least your post does not indicate so) that consequences are not always negative.
Consequences are "whatever happens as a result" and frequently the consequences of a behavior are positive! In fact, if the consequences were not mostly positive, people would stop doing anything. They'd stand around like automatons waiting for an instruction of what TO do.
The best motivator I found was a positive consequence - a verbal "attaboy" or a reward.
BTW, to the poster who doesn't believe in rewarding accomplishment of a job well done unless it is extraordinary, you don't get a paycheck then? That is a reward. If you stopped getting your paycheck, wouldn't you stop doing your job?
This is still an impressionable teen we are discussing.
OP, I think the way you've handled it is great. First, it lets Mom off the hook of feeling like she has to be Simon LeGre and it allows your son to grow into the responsibility along with knowing that he has the support of his parents when something isn't working out for him. Attaboy!
A paycheck is not a reward. You get money in exchange for goods and/or services rendered.
If you own a store, do you consider your customers are rewarding you when they hand you money for something they want?
If you don't get your arse out of bed and open up, your reward is going to be that your business will fail.
It's very very important that kids are taught to self motivate without rewards IMO. Not everyone gets paid by an employer. A lot of kids coming up are having to be more entrepreneurial by necessity.
I do agree with maciesmom that there's nothing wrong with acknowledging prolonged effort and progress. That's totally appropriate. Recognition and acknowledgement great, and should be used often. With everyone.
My son started 7th grade, he will be 13 in November.
For as long as we can remember, he has never been in any sort of hurry in the morning.
She doesn't like to yell at him and keep on him in the morning.
What do other parents do to get their young ones motivated to get ready in the morning?
We wake him up at 6 (6:30 at the latest), and he needs to leave the house by 7:30 to get to school on time.
Here is what he needs to do in the morning:
-feed dogs and let them outside. The night before he puts the food in the dog bowls and leaves them in the garage. So all he needs to do is grab the bowls and set them down. Once they eat, he just has to open the kitchen door and they go outside on their own.
-take a shower. I know that this can be done at night to save time, but his hair will look greasy if he showers the night before. It is best for him to shower in the morning.
-scoop the litter box. This is done twice daily, so we aren't talking like a lot of stuff to scoop
-eat breakfast. my wife makes him breakfast every morning
So that is it. But she is constantly telling to eat faster, to not take 5 minutes putting shoes on, etc.
There is no real sense of urgency with him
We need advice. As it is, we don't allow him to use electronics during the week. So he can't play video games or on his computer. Unless he needs to go online for school, of course.
What kind of consequences can we give him?
Maybe he just likes to enjoy his morning and not be in a rush.
Just get him up earlier.
Personally, I think an hour and a half minimum is required to get all that done.
For a shower, I spend about 45 minutes start to finish and 30 minutes to eat. That only leaves 15 minutes for the rest of what you want done. Get him up 1/2 hour early.
Maybe he just likes to enjoy his morning and not be in a rush.
Just get him up earlier.
Personally, I think an hour and a half minimum is required to get all that done.
For a shower, I spend about 45 minutes start to finish and 30 minutes to eat. That only leaves 15 minutes for the rest of what you want done. Get him up 1/2 hour early.
A 13 year old boy doesn't need 45 minutes to shower. Jeez Louise.
The tankless did not cost much more then the replacement tank that failed. When I factor inthe Tax Credit I got, and the lower gas cost, by not keeping a tank hot 24x7.
Also we can do all the hotwater item, back to back and not wait 30mins or so (each time) for the tank to re-heat. (And I dont get a cold shower).
I have a 5000Gal Min usage per month, we never go over that. So does not cost me extra for the water/sewage.
The tankless did not cost much more then the replacement tank that failed. When I factor inthe Tax Credit I got, and the lower gas cost, by not keeping a tank hot 24x7.
Also we can do all the hotwater item, back to back and not wait 30mins or so (each time) for the tank to re-heat. (And I dont get a cold shower).
I have a 5000Gal Min usage per month, we never go over that. So does not cost me extra for the water/sewage.
So he figured out he could spend a relaxing 45 minutes in the shower and dad was A-OK with it because it didn't cost him any extra $$.
Yep. Pure genius. He'll go far.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
