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If your kids have been playing together for almost 5 years, and it suddenly stopped, I would want to know why. If I were in OPs position, I would not try to schedule a playdate, but instead invite the other kid on an outing that I was planning with my own kids. If the mother refused or made an excuse, it would be an ideal time to mention all the other times she cancelled and ask her if something happened that you should know about. You can't make the mother communicate honestly but IMO it is worth one more try. The friendship may indeed be over but for the OPs peace of mind, she deserves some kind of explanation.
It's not purposely putting her on the spot. It's something that will naturally happen if the boys are still friends. They will ask their parents for a play date after camp while both parents are standing there. Since these kids had play dates often, it's very likely that's what will happen.
Exactly this. By the age of the boys, I did assume we were talking about a day camp. The one our town used to put on ended before lunch, and it was almost inevitable that the kids would want to continue playing afterwards.
The OP wouldn't be putting the other mother on the spot, the kids would be. The OP might be able to determine if there really was a problem based on the other mother's reaction.
It might occur to me to send the mom a little note.
Something like:
Dear xxxx
I'm writing just to let you know how much (son's name) misses playing with (her son's name). I don't know if something has happened between the boys, or if there's another reason why it hasn't been possible for them to play together. I'm glad to know that they will see each other at camp and school, but if there's anything I can do to help maintain their friendship, please let me know.
And, if this note is unwelcome, then I do apologize. In any event our door is open to you and (her son) if things change.
All the best,
You...
Would that be an option?
Last edited by EllenPB; 07-14-2014 at 02:36 PM..
Reason: adding a thought
It might occur to me to send the mom a little note.
Something like:
Dear xxxx
I'm writing just to let you know how much (son's name) misses playing with (her son's name). I don't know if something has happened between the boys, or if there's another reason why it hasn't been possible for them to play together. I'm glad to know that they will see each other at camp and school, but if there's anything I can do to help maintain their friendship, please let me know.
And, if this note is unwelcome, then I do apologize. In any event our door is open to you and (her son) if things change.
All the best,
You...
Would that be an option?
I would be very hesitant to put something in writing, until I was sure of the other mother's reasoning. What you suggest sounds perfectly reasonable, and mature. Unfortunately, other people aren't always the same, and I would hate to know something so well-intended could get passed around the schoolyard moms. It happens.
I am lead to wonder as to who wakes up sobbing for the other kid. People move on and that is normal. Maybe not in your little solar system but people do go on in life somehow each and everyday. Tell your kid the other family moved away - it's not that much of a story, what is the chance of seeing them again?
I will never understand the concept of "play dates". Aren't there other kids around your kid can just go out and play with or is there a vetting system to weed out the bad kids?
The kids will be seeing each other at summer camp, then in the fall at school.
This woman and I have been getting together about once a week for playdates since our kids were tiny (they are 5 now). Her son was my son's first real friend, and really his only close friend. My son just absolutely adores this kid, and her son seems to feel the same way. The two boys would have played together all day every day if we'd let them. Suddenly, about two months ago, she stopped asking for playdates. She canceled three in a row at the very last minute, and then turned down another three or four invites from me. I tried waiting and not inviting, since I didn't want to be a pest, but my son asks every single day if he can see his friend and then cries when I tell him no. He has actually woken up in the middle of the night, sobbing because he misses his friend. I have tried playdates with other kids, but it doesn't help. He just doesn't have another friend that he loves like this boy. I have no idea why mom suddenly doesn't want to get together and have not confronted her about it, but I feel I might have to. I cannot bear to ask again for a playdate when she has said no so many times. She has never offered any excuse or apology. If she were just my friend I'd forget her and move on (I am actually kind of hurt myself by this), but my son is so heartbroken over this that I can't do that. I'm not sure what to do. Should I ask one more time for a playdate or ask her what is going on and if there is some reason she doesn't want them to play together? I don't want to be confrontational, since she obviously would have told me what's wrong if she wanted to. I also don't want to seem paranoid or desperate (although I am desperate, on behalf of my child). And I hate to be the parent who can't take a hint, but after all this time shouldn't she give more than a hint if she is trying to end this relationship? I am really torn up over this. Advice?
I think she has been clear that she doesn't want any more playdates. If I were you I would ask why.
I am lead to wonder as to who wakes up sobbing for the other kid. People move on and that is normal. Maybe not in your little solar system but people do go on in life somehow each and everyday. Tell your kid the other family moved away - it's not that much of a story, what is the chance of seeing them again?
I will never understand the concept of "play dates". Aren't there other kids around your kid can just go out and play with or is there a vetting system to weed out the bad kids?
Um, they live two blocks from us. They will be waiting at the bus stop together in September.
How does a 4 or 5 year old just walk out the door and go play with someone? He can't go without me. Even in my nice neighborhood, kids that age do not go anywhere alone, not even one house over. It's just not considered safe.
Anyway, I said several times that there ARE other kids, but he still misses this one friend very much.
Exactly this. By the age of the boys, I did assume we were talking about a day camp. The one our town used to put on ended before lunch, and it was almost inevitable that the kids would want to continue playing afterwards.
The OP wouldn't be putting the other mother on the spot, the kids would be. The OP might be able to determine if there really was a problem based on the other mother's reaction.
This is exactly what always happens, actually. They come running out begging to go play with the other one after school. However, we usually did say no if it hadn't already been scheduled, since we both work and had to schedule those things ahead of time.
It might occur to me to send the mom a little note.
Something like:
Dear xxxx
I'm writing just to let you know how much (son's name) misses playing with (her son's name). I don't know if something has happened between the boys, or if there's another reason why it hasn't been possible for them to play together. I'm glad to know that they will see each other at camp and school, but if there's anything I can do to help maintain their friendship, please let me know.
And, if this note is unwelcome, then I do apologize. In any event our door is open to you and (her son) if things change.
All the best,
You...
Would that be an option?
This was my original plan, actually. It was only after I saw all the responses here that I changed my mind.
Stuff like this happens a lot with some kids. Maybe the other child doesn't want to play with your son anymore, who knows. I'd drop it and figure out how to distract your son and maybe the two of them will work things out once school starts. At least they are 2 blocks away and not next door, kids stuff can spill over to adult stuff easily and that's never any fun.
I used to get upset about this sort of stuff too, and I still feel for my adult kids when I hear about a problem they have and instinctively want to "fix" it, but obviously I can't . I didn't get overly involved in my kids friendships once school started and became friends with a couple moms, but they weren't moms of my kids friends surprisingly. Looking back it was probably for the best. And my kids liked being home by themselves when they were young, for the most part. Teen years...that was a whole other level of drama!
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. I didn't get overly involved in my kids friendships once school started and became friends with a couple moms, but they weren't moms of my kids friends surprisingly. Looking back it was probably for the best. And my kids liked being home by themselves when they were young, for the most part. Teen years...that was a whole other level of drama!
