Mom doesn't want playdates anymore but my kid is heartbroken (babies, activities)
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If they boys are going to see one another at camp and school they can continue their friendship on their own terms, without engineering from their mothers. It's only a couple months until school resumes. Unless she has some reason to be irked at your family, probably she has something personal going on. If you aren't reasonably good friends yourselves, I'd just let it be.
I think it's a little odd that your son wakes up crying in the middle of the night over missing his friend - it just doesn't seem normal. His friend isn't dead, and as you've said, he'll be seeing the friend at summer camp and at school in a month. It seems like you may be over thinking this a little, and I wonder if your son is picking up on your distress over the situation and that's making it worse for him. Frankly, just the fact that your child wakes up crying in the middle of the night makes me think that he was seriously over-attached to his friend. You need to set a good example here - don't make it a big deal, let your son know that he'll see the friend at summer camp, and then work on setting up play dates with other kids.
This is a great opportunity for your son to develop other friendships this summer. Then, at the end of summer, you could always throw an end-of-summer BBQ, inviting a bunch of people over, including your son's friend. Maybe the mom, if she knows it's a group thing, will allow her son to come over. By then, perhaps your son won't be so attached, and he and the boy could continue their friendship on a more casual basis. Additionally, by spending the rest of summer developing more friendships, your son will be better prepared for school, where he'd have to get used to "sharing" his friend, anyhow - especially if they are in different classes.
But what other choice do you have? You can't force them to meet up with you. You need to set the example for your son. Don't let him see you wallowing and wondering what went wrong. Put on a brave face, and move on.
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Originally Posted by Mnseca
We DO invite other kids over. He sees other kids every day. He's not starved for playmates; he just misses his best friend. Also, I am a little concerned about what will happen when he sees his friend, since I don't know why mom has stopped the playdates. I am concerned that the friend won't want to play with him or something, and my son will be devastated. I'd really like to know what's going on before that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom
Of course it's hard. When people say that parenting is the hardest job, this is the kind of thing they mean. Not changing diapers. But, hard as it is, it is our job as parents to help them work through difficult times - because, unfortunately this won't be the last time things like this will happen. Rejection and disappointment happen, and it's hard. Hard on them and hard on us to see it. It will pass though. Hang in there.
This actually can be a life lesson to help him understand that life can go on and be fun with new and different experiences without the people we love. It does suck big time to not have his friend around as much but something has happened with this Mom and Child and maybe she feels the need to seperate him from someone he knows he can trust with his secrets possibly??? With a situation like this you never know what it could be, but your son will miss his friend and through school and camp will see each other so it's not a total trauma.
This woman and I have been getting together about once a week for playdates since our kids were tiny (they are 5 now). Her son was my son's first real friend, and really his only close friend. My son just absolutely adores this kid, and her son seems to feel the same way. The two boys would have played together all day every day if we'd let them. Suddenly, about two months ago, she stopped asking for playdates. She canceled three in a row at the very last minute, and then turned down another three or four invites from me. I tried waiting and not inviting, since I didn't want to be a pest, but my son asks every single day if he can see his friend and then cries when I tell him no. He has actually woken up in the middle of the night, sobbing because he misses his friend. I have tried playdates with other kids, but it doesn't help. He just doesn't have another friend that he loves like this boy. I have no idea why mom suddenly doesn't want to get together and have not confronted her about it, but I feel I might have to. I cannot bear to ask again for a playdate when she has said no so many times. She has never offered any excuse or apology. If she were just my friend I'd forget her and move on (I am actually kind of hurt myself by this), but my son is so heartbroken over this that I can't do that. I'm not sure what to do. Should I ask one more time for a playdate or ask her what is going on and if there is some reason she doesn't want them to play together? I don't want to be confrontational, since she obviously would have told me what's wrong if she wanted to. I also don't want to seem paranoid or desperate (although I am desperate, on behalf of my child). And I hate to be the parent who can't take a hint, but after all this time shouldn't she give more than a hint if she is trying to end this relationship? I am really torn up over this. Advice?
It's only the beginning of 15 years of these types of challenges.
5 is YOUNG.
He shouldn't be so attached to ONE KID.
Fill the void. Find activities he loves and he'll find a bunch of friends. Don't discuss it like a drama or something.
My kid started baby TBall and soccer at 5 and the same kids who joined from the neighborhood were his friends for LIFE.
8 of us parents became a close circle of friends and socialized all the time and with 8 families rotating sleepovers, playdates etc, it allowed room for individual kids to breathe.
My kid moved back home at age 27 from the state he attended college because THE SAME GROUP OF "KIDS" WERE STILL IN TACT AND HE MISSED HIS FRIENDS.
Of course, if you're not that social of a person you may need to look at your own personality to see how you can overcome the roadblocks to having a group of friends for him. I never LOVED SPORTS but spent every weekend of my life for 15 years or so going to his activities. THEN we had fun AFTER the game etc.
I tried karate at age 4 and he hated it. He said "mom I'm only 4 you're expecting too much from me".
Go for the group activities but you must know the PARENTS VERY WELLL to trust your kid to them without you being there.
This woman and I have been getting together about once a week for playdates since our kids were tiny (they are 5 now). Her son was my son's first real friend, and really his only close friend. My son just absolutely adores this kid, and her son seems to feel the same way. The two boys would have played together all day every day if we'd let them. Suddenly, about two months ago, she stopped asking for playdates. She canceled three in a row at the very last minute, and then turned down another three or four invites from me. I tried waiting and not inviting, since I didn't want to be a pest, but my son asks every single day if he can see his friend and then cries when I tell him no. He has actually woken up in the middle of the night, sobbing because he misses his friend. I have tried playdates with other kids, but it doesn't help. He just doesn't have another friend that he loves like this boy. I have no idea why mom suddenly doesn't want to get together and have not confronted her about it, but I feel I might have to. I cannot bear to ask again for a playdate when she has said no so many times. She has never offered any excuse or apology. If she were just my friend I'd forget her and move on (I am actually kind of hurt myself by this), but my son is so heartbroken over this that I can't do that. I'm not sure what to do. Should I ask one more time for a playdate or ask her what is going on and if there is some reason she doesn't want them to play together? I don't want to be confrontational, since she obviously would have told me what's wrong if she wanted to. I also don't want to seem paranoid or desperate (although I am desperate, on behalf of my child). And I hate to be the parent who can't take a hint, but after all this time shouldn't she give more than a hint if she is trying to end this relationship? I am really torn up over this. Advice?
You could call and ask her in a non confrontational way what's up but at the end of the day you can't make someone be friends with your kid. It is heartbreaking to see when our children hurt but you can use it as a lesson and tell him that some people are in our lives just for a season. Keep getting him involved in other activities and playdates. Eventually he will move on.
Don't confront her, ask her why, etc.. That will seal the deal that the children's relationship will be over forever. Right now, nothing has been spoken so she could change her mind in the future when the children are older. However, if you ask her why and she tells you then it's a done deal in her mind---even when the children are older and attending school together to make plans together. If you don't say anything, the boys might be able to rekindle their friendship again someday.
I'm the opposite side. I think it is over, and I think the other woman has been a b****. I believe it would be appropriate to let her know that her childish behavior was unacceptable and ask for an explanation. Perhaps there is a good one, but even there is, she has failed to handle this like a grown up.
I'm the opposite side. I think it is over, and I think the other woman has been a b****. I believe it would be appropriate to let her know that her childish behavior was unacceptable and ask for an explanation. Perhaps there is a good one, but even there is, she has failed to handle this like a grown up.
Except you are forgetting that this isn't about the moms. This is about two little 5 year old boys who have friendship. If you did something like that, there would be no chance of them being friends throughout their childhood again. They live in the same neighborhood, attend the same summer camp, have the same bus stop, attend the same school. There's a whole 12 years ahead of these two little boys. No good will come from creating a mommy war by calling her and speaking to her in the manner you suggest.
Why, yes. Yes I did. Lol, thanks for catching that!
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Did you mean "resilient"?
