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I'm going to disagree here and say this is NOT about the woman.
This is about setting boundaries with your kid.
If I suddenly find carpenter ants swarming inside my house one day, of course I'm going to find the entrance hole and plug it.
But the first thing I'm going to do is kill all the ants inside and eliminate them at the source outside the house. I'm not just going to let them roam around outside looking for another way in.
It's very much about the woman, and she has to be called on it.
Setting boundaries with your kid is something that goes on continually, from day 1. I assumed the OP would continue to work on that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ncole1
I was very rebellious as a teen, FWIW. While I did not engage in any relationships as strange as this, if my parents had issued an ultimatum about the people I could talk to, I would have used the money I earned from tutoring to buy my own phone plan and sneak out at night to continue. Yes, I was that rebellious!!!!
Congrats. Many of us were like that. But "He's a teenager. What are you gonna do?" has never been the mantra of better parents.
If I suddenly find carpenter ants swarming inside my house one day, of course I'm going to find the entrance hole and plug it.
But the first thing I'm going to do is kill all the ants inside and eliminate them at the source outside the house. I'm not just going to let them roam around outside looking for another way in.
It's very much about the woman, and she has to be called on it.
Setting boundaries with your kid is something that goes on continually, from day 1. I assumed the OP would continue to work on that.
Congrats. Many of us were like that. But "He's a teenager. What are you gonna do?" has never been the mantra of better parents.
I'm not saying not to talk to her at all. I'd be all over telling this lady to step off.
But the main problem with the op (as she presents it) is her complete unwillingness to parent. The fact that she's worried about how her son will feel about her so much is a red flag. You know what? I'm sure my son hates me sometimes and I KNOW my daughter hates me sometimes, but my job isn't to be liked. It's to protect them and make them into good, productive people.
Also, letting minors have unrestricted access to the internet is just not a good idea.
I'm not saying not to talk to her at all. I'd be all over telling this lady to step off.
I'm sure, between the two of us, we could have handled this chick by now.
I know that feeling, when you want to "be cool" about a situation because you don't want to scare your kid into going underground with this kind of behavior.
But at this point it sounds like he needs to be a little "scared straight."
Last edited by BirdieBelle; 02-01-2017 at 10:29 AM..
Reason: typo
Parents' responsibilities to their children should be set at a higher bar then ensuring their kids aren't doing things that are illegal. Many things are improper, but legal. Heck, there's a rather funny thread in this forum about a 3yo who likes to play with his junk. Nothing illegal about that at home, but everyone pretty much agrees to tell the kid to go to his room and go to town in private. LOL
I have no issue with the parent being involved, my issue is calling the police when you have no idea what they are even discussing, acting like she's some pedophile for simply enjoying playing video games..
I said clearly, trust, but verify, in my first response.. I've got some 18 year old, "talking" to my 14 year old daughter.. if you dont think I guard and watch that relationship, even discussions, you're kidding yourself..
but jumping to the conclusion that they are having inappropriate discussions is simply wrong..
I would call and tell her that he is 16 and that if she contacts him again you will call the police and have her arrested. And make clear that she is to ignore ALL attempts by the 16 to contact her or you will still make that call to the police!
Sorry, but I wouldn't worry about my son not trusting me anymore. This is ridiculous!
Quote:
Originally Posted by ncole1
Won't work if the age of consent is 16 in OP's state.
The OP can file a "trespass warning", which would stop all contact legally, but that seems a little aggressive given the lack of knowing what is being discussed.
The most effective parents know that better decisions are made when you consider doing or not doing certain things based on rules of decency, not merely legal rights.
I'm not saying not to talk to her at all. I'd be all over telling this lady to step off.
But the main problem with the op (as she presents it) is her complete unwillingness to parent. The fact that she's worried about how her son will feel about her so much is a red flag. You know what? I'm sure my son hates me sometimes and I KNOW my daughter hates me sometimes, but my job isn't to be liked. It's to protect them and make them into good, productive people.
Also, letting minors have unrestricted access to the internet is just not a good idea.
and she is apparently unwilling to let her husband parent. She should be backing husband up when he was willing to take action.
Location: Finally the house is done and we are in Port St. Lucie!
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So the OP has not called the woman to back off. SMH
Also, the son must be placing those late night phone calls or the OP would be hearing the phone ring if the Woman was calling the son.
The son needs to have all privileges taken away. He is going behind their back and KNOWS what he is doing is wrong especially in light of him erasing text messages. Cell phone should be taken away indefinitely. Kids can get along without having cell phones.
Landline should be unplugged except for in parents bedroom that way the Child does not have access to a landline or a cell phone. Child needs to know that he is no longer trusted and that trust is earned.
Yes, the Woman may not know how old the Child is therefore it is the Parent's responsibility to inform the Woman what the age is of the Child to whom she is communicating.
Also, since contact was first made during online gaming....Game needs to be Removed from Child's access.
Location: Finally the house is done and we are in Port St. Lucie!
3,487 posts, read 3,342,231 times
Reputation: 9913
Quote:
Originally Posted by theoldnorthstate
and she is apparently unwilling to let her husband parent. She should be backing husband up when he was willing to take action.
Agree.
Parents are just that...Parents. Not friends of the child but parents of the child. Kids may hate us sometimes but we are charged with keeping them safe and teaching them. As long as we love them at the same time, it works.
Praise when they do good, punish when they don't. They are smart, they know the difference.
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