Fiance's daughter has atrocious behavior (video, problem, siblings, older)

[ClaraC]

Originally Posted by oh-eve

Yes, I agree with her. Her dad is an idiot. Only an idiot lets his kid talk to him that way. I have never in my life dared to throw a tantrum in front of my parents.

Are you serious? Would your parents also agree that's true?

Eve, that's a problem.

[oh-eve]

Originally Posted by ClaraC

Are you serious? Would your parents also agree that's true?

Eve, that's a problem.

yep, I am pretty sure of it. If I would call my dad an idiot, throw a tantrum, or try to argue a rule I would get punished right away and never do it again. In my family we respect our parents.


I don't see this as a problem.

[ClaraC]

Originally Posted by oh-eve

yep, I am pretty sure of it. If I would call my dad an idiot, throw a tantrum, or try to argue a rule I would get punished right away and never do it again. In my family we respect our parents.


I don't see this as a problem.

I never called my parents idiots, but children have tantrums, Eve. Do you honestly mean kids in your family didn't throw tantrums at 2 - 5 years old?

As I said, that's a problem if it's true.

[BirdieBelle]

Originally Posted by ClaraC

I never called my parents idiots, but children have tantrums, Eve. Do you honestly mean kids in your family didn't throw tantrums at 2 - 5 years old?

As I said, that's a problem if it's true.

It's not a problem. Tantrums aren't a norm

My kids didn't throw "tantrums" either. They cried sometimes about stuff and got mad occasionally, but I honestly cannot recall anything that would qualify as a tantrum.

I didn't do it either. Woulda gotten the belt

[oh-eve]

Originally Posted by ClaraC

I never called my parents idiots, but children have tantrums, Eve. Do you honestly mean kids in your family didn't throw tantrums at 2 - 5 years old?

As I said, that's a problem if it's true.

Originally Posted by BirdieBelle

It's not a problem. Tantrums aren't a norm

My kids didn't throw "tantrums" either. They cried sometimes about stuff and got mad occasionally, but I honestly cannot recall anything that would qualify as a tantrum.

I didn't do it either. Woulda gotten the belt

maybe when I was a toddler, but I do not remember. I do remember though that I had respect and knew that it would not end well if I throw one.


I remember my cousin (much younger than me) throwing a tantrum in a store. His parents picked him up, told him he won't get a toy he was promised to get, put him in the car and drove home. End of story. Never did it again.


I don't see this as a problem. I, however, see it as a problem to be 12 year old and call your dad "stupid."

[Mikala43]

I am another who never had tantrums, if I did when it was beyond my memory, the results were I didn't have any from like age 4 and on.

There is a HUGE difference between a toddler and teen having temper tantrums.

Calling your parents stupid at that age is not acceptable, actually none of her behavior is acceptable from what has been described.

[Mightyqueen801]

I would tell her that her father has decided to sell her as a wife to the son of a chief of a remote Amazon tribe with no cell reception where she will eat insects and produce children for the next thirty years unless she stops with the nonsense. And if she doesn't, follow through with the threat.

OK, maybe that's not feasible. But it sounded good inside my head.

[Led Zeppelin]

Originally Posted by oldtrader

You still do not get it.

Oh I get it. He needs to run away with great speed. And you don't know much about mental illness vs. neurological disorders.

[jamary1]

Originally Posted by oldtrader

You still do not get it. You think it is just a spoiled out of control child. Not true. It is a child with mental problems, inability to concentrate on one thing at a time, who need a lot of love and stability to get through her teen years. ADHD and Asperger/Asberger in the severity this child appears to have, are both mental conditions that the child has no control over.

.

It doesn't have to be an either/or situation. It can be a "both-of-the-above" case.


I know....there's one like that in my family. She has been diagnosed as on the spectrum but she is also an out of control spoiled brat. Her family indulges her because it's just darned easier to give in to her than to try to teach her how to behave to the best of her abilities. They're not doing her any favors. And the OP's fiancée isn't doing his daughter any favors, either.


The OP needs to walk away from this situation. There is a lifetime of problems ahead.

[Vivace70]

Originally Posted by Catgirl64

I haven't read the entire thread, but I have read enough to form an opinion.

You and your fiancé need to establish a firm course of action before the wedding plan go any further, AND you need to see serious evidence that he plans to follow through. To be perfectly honest, many of these issues probably should have been addressed when the subject of marriage first came up, but that's water under the bridge.

The problems go a lot deeper than just the behavior of this child. The real issue is his apparent willingness to pretend things are just fine when they are not, and to assume that the situation will improve with no action on his part. That's not a good quality for any partner to have.

It would be unrealistic to expect that the child's behavior problems will improve immediately - that isn't going to happen - but to proceed before you are on the same page about how to cope would be foolish.

Update: I still have not read all the posts, but I did read the rest of yours, and it sounds like the biological mom may be a less than wonderful influence. That's going to make things harder, particularly if she is using the child to get back at her ex.

Very well said, and great advice. Thank you.