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Thank you for all your replies and advice. I needed some perspective; I was starting to think I was overreacting, but this doesn't seem the case. My fiance and I have dated 2 1/2 years, but only see each other on the weekend (long distance relationship) and the daughter is with her mother, who let's her stay on the computer/phone 24/7, every other weekend. I talked with him Friday and told him I wanted to get family counseling. He is not on board with that, but it will be a must for me to move forward. Also, electronics will need to be a privilege. Anyway, they came over and she was like a different person. She behaved, she didn't scream, she went to bed when told, she played outside without her phone, and she even loaded the dishwasher!! When I asked him what alternate reality we had entered, he told me he had talked with her about the severity of her behavior. It may not last without work, but we all know she is capable of doing better now.
Long distance relationship...yet another red flag. The long distance enabled him to hide the situation longer than if you two lived closer and saw each other more often. Unfortunately, I think he's wasted a lot of your time and because you're 2.5 years into it, it's a tough pill to swallow.
Let's say the girl has no control over this due to medical problems - how does that in any way lessen the impact to the OP?
There is not enough information to even assume that, and she seems to be able to turn it on off in various situations, so that leads me to believe that the behavior is a choice.
Alright then you know it's both.
Btw, I never said it wasn't a developmental disorder. We have many Clients diagnosed with Autism who are regional center clients
Last edited by ItIsWritten.; 04-07-2018 at 06:26 PM..
the two adults discipline needs to be discussed is within her mother and father. this lady has no clue upon how to handle anyone with asbpergers / ADHD despite claiming a daughter with such diagnosis. What happened, the assault and theft, should never happen again against a child. Sadly calling 911 would've probably been best due to the Op coming back yet showing no remorse. She ignores anyone who discourages her from marrying this guy also. Not to mention the changing story. Children have the right to own things without being told everything they use belongs to their parents. That is horrific, I know from personal experience. It's as if you are not part of the family but just loaned items until the day they can get rid of you. You never really were part of the family. But that is beside the point, way bigger fish to fry here.
She is nothing. Read her posts. She is no future stepmom. They are not connected at all. The Father seems to understand she is a ticking time bomb but is likely using her for sex. That's my guess. She mentioned "her" nightstand where she hid the child's telephone so they aren't exactly shy about their fornicating. Poor kid
please share with us your wicked parent/ stepparent story.
The daughter has tantrums first thing in the morning, in her own home. So while being on a trip and out of routine may exacerbate that, it does not account for everyday life. She will go through this whole screaming bit when her dad wakes her up. "I'm tired! I don't wanna get up! Go away, you idiot!" She can be very sweet, so long as she can have her electronics without limits and not be asked to help around the house. Today she and my daughter left dishes on the coffee table, and we called them in to put them in the dishwasher. The neighbors probably thought something was bad wrong -- this girl carried on and on about having to put them up. Also today she got an infrequent call from a family member, and was too busy playing Minecraft to talk. Her dad turned the Wi-Fi off and she screamed the next 10 minutes while the poor woman sat silent on the phone. She did, however, call the woman back later and apologize, without any prompting to do so. That to me shows a glimmer of hope. But then later, at her grandparents' house, she didn't want to put her phone down long enough for her turn at a pinata. When her dad finally took her phone, she argued and yelled in front of her cousins and grandparents. She was texting a boy and didn't want to be interrupted. As a public school teacher and as a mom, I think I have a good idea of the differences of behavior according to one's ability and behavior according to one's choice.
The phone isn't a pacifier, for one, and she obviously isn't mature enough to handle it. As a teacher you must recognize that, although you are hamstrung because you aren't her parent. The phone needs to go away, though.
And she's texting a boy??? Lord help us all.
So you don't have ANY second thoughts about tying yourself to this man?
Yes, I have serious concerns. I tried talking with my fiance today, and he just said "It'll all work out." Which to me means, "I'll leave everything for you to fix." I told him I want to sit down and really talk through things before we proceed with any plans. Unfortunately, we didn't get to finish that conversation today.
Yes you can. And they learn from it and grow into better people. This kind of attitude is what is creating the spoiled brats like the 12 year old described above.
There is no law written that says a child must have a mattress and/or a bed. In fact there are hundreds of thousands of children sleeping on the floor right now.
While engendering the health of a child is prohibited, that does not give you the ability to impose your ideas of what a parent should do on others, what furniture a child should be required to use or not use, what toys or electronics must be made available, and does not allow you to require everyone produce rotten spoiled mental cases with no respect for anyone or anything. Not even in the Socialist Republic of California have they gone that far, and they couldn't. CPS could spend every day all day rounding up all the parents of kids who sleep on the floor in California and never make a dent. There are more children sleeping on the floor in California than anywhere.
Dragging your politics into this discussion is inappropriate.
There are children in third world countries who are starving, too, because their parents can't feed them properly. That doesn't mean it's okay to deny a child food by choice.
Taking away devices and privileges is one thing. Forcing a child to sleep on the floor, with no pillow and no blanket is quite another. Even prisoners on death row have beds, or at least cots.
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you must recognize that, although you are hamstrung because you aren't her parent. The phone needs to go away, though.
